4yo doesn't sleep and won't sleep for anyone else, on my knees with exhaustion

[Rosegold84]

Just that really.
4.5 year old DS. Doesn't sleep, never has from being a baby really. I am a single parent with no input from his dad since pregnancy, so totally on my own. I can be up anywhere from 10-18 times on a night, I have tried him in his own room, in my bed, leaving him to it, you name it I've done it. Anything less than 10 wake ups is good, anything between 5-10 is excellent but he has never ever slept through and never woken up less than 3 times in one night.
GP not interested and won't prescribe anything to help.
I am utterly beside myself with sleep deprivation, I haven't had a good nights sleep in years. My parents have tried a lot to try and have him to sleep, usually one weekend a month but without fail end up bringing him back in the middle of the night or 6 am as he just won't settle for them and screams all night long. I am so tired. What can I do, mumsnetters? I'm desperate for one night.
Next time my parents attempt it, I may well just turn my phone off and unplug landline and make myself totally uncontactable.....

I’m so sorry you’re going though all this. My advice would be not to waste any time with HV, go to your GP and insist on a referral to a paediatrician specialising in sleep issues.

Some horrible fucking people on this thread.

The idea of a diary someone mentioned is a good idea to take to the GP OP.

Ignore the advice from the smug parents who are saying it is something you are doing. If your child sleeps well, 9 times out of 10 it's luck more than anything. Let's not forget it's waking during the night not having a tantrum about going to bed.

It isn't normal to be waking this often in the night and it needs investigation. My DD doesn't sleep well due to SPD and possible Autism. But nowhere near as bad as this. We have been offered Melatonin by her consultant but haven't had to resort to it (yet).

Good luck for thurs OP.

Sorry I stand by my comments.
The OP has given no indication I have seen that her son is being punished (now there's a controversial MN word!) for the frequent wakings. It looks as if he is being rewarded by mum's time and attention, so where's the incentive to stop?
He needs to be checked out for all of the medical conditions that may be causing it, and assuming he gets the all-clear, you have two choices OP:

1. Continue the way you are but accept you will be shattered;
2. Toughen up and get it sorted asap.

Your child, your rules, as we are so keen on saying.

I've just come back to this thread and I just can't believe some of the arsehole comments on here. OP, hope you get some help soon.

I note that as usual, an opinion other than the MN norm is mey with name-calling and abuse.

Morning, everyone. Just popping with a reminder that the OP is quite right - Mumsnet is meant to be here to make parents' lives easier. Could we ask that everyone posts in that spirit? Thanks.

‘Punish’ really is a strange word to use cath.

If we are to punish a child for waking up, shall we also punish them for feeling hungry or thirsty? Or getting the hiccups? Falling asleep at the wrong time?

Children are not machines, FGS.

Toughen up? She’s a mother not a moody drill sergeant.

She’s right though. Do punish your child for having needs. That’ll teach him to never let you know when he needs you, then by the time he’s old enough, he can leave home and he’ll never have to speak to you again.

The thing is,if you have a child that doesn't need much sleep,in time you can teach them to occupy themselves,read a book,play quietly,be on their ipad etc. There are children like this that function perfectly well on 4-5 hours sleep,no issues in school etc. So they're happy to be left alone and entertain themselves instead of being forced to sleep when they can't and they don't need it.
There are also children that do need their sleep,the want to sleep but they can't. Of course they will be whingy,scared and needy. Have you ever heard a child whimpering for ages because they're tired and need to sleep but they can't? It's fucking heartbreaking.Telling them "sorry kid,sort yourself out" won't work...because they don't want to be awake,they don't want to play or whatever but they can't go back to sleep either.

So sad that the OP will probably never come back to this thread to update us or if she has implemented any of the (nice and sensible, kind) suggestions like the diary ( not the frankly bloody awful ones) because of a minority.

Well done to those who chased a desperate parent off a thread seeking support. Good for you. I just hope you aren't like that in RL.

OP - In case you are reading this, lots of us are rooting for you and hope you get some kind of solution. Please PM if you need to vent about your situation without the perfect rubberneckers sticking their oats in.

Also to @HebeMumsnet

@cathf and @camilla my god you sound likes dreadfully Victorian parents I’m so glad you’re not my mum 😱 awful uncaring trolls.

I rarely post on here but just wanted to say i’m so shocked at some of the responses on your thread. This situation must be so hard for you, I really hope you get the help you need. I’m afraid I don’t have specific advice but wishing you all the best at the doctors and I really hope things improve for you.

rosegold I'm appalled at the responses on here. You've come here for help and been made to feel like shit but some posters who seem to forget one size doesn't fit all.

IF this is about being in bed with mummy and having comfort the he wouldn't be waking up 18 times when she lets him bed?! He also does it for others so it's not just the OP.

I'd go to the GP and keep going until someone understands there is clearly something going on. I think you're seriously amazing dealing with it for so long. Pleas get some help and try stay positive amongst a lot of nonsense on here.