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Original poster

will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

287 replies

crossedwires · 03/05/2007 14:29

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

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DaddyJ · 10/05/2007 09:15

Crossedwires, no, thank you! Your thread has also been reassuring for us.

You know, after the first time we did CC we literally checked dd for physical damage!
We are but parents, we want the very best for our children and CC does seem very counter-instinctive.

I have been racking my brains trying to understand why CC works (caveats: in this particular sleep context, not always)
and why it has not done any harm to our los despite what we instinctively feel.

My conclusion so far: sleep is such a powerful need, such an elementary basic desire of any human being
that the joy and relief at having fallen asleep completely cancels out the distress experienced beforehand.

But that?s just my layman?s opinion

krang · 10/05/2007 11:12

Hi crossedwires

Glad this is working for you.

Here's our experience: we started sleep training with our DS when he was eight weeks. I had PND and he never slept for more than an hour. I was going completely insane.

The first night, I put him down at 7 after his bath and nice big feed. He woke up at 8.34 (I wrote everything down so I know exactly what happened!) and cried for one minute exactly. Then he went back to sleep. I was stunned.

We woke him at 10.30 for his late feed, he went back to sleep. He woke up again around four and I fed him again, then he woke up for the day at 7am.

The second night, he didn't wake at all. Or the third night. After a few more months, we dropped the late feed and he started sleeping 7 to 7. He has done so ever since.

He is now 15 months and loves his bed so much he actually goes and stands by the stairgate when he's tired and crawls happily up the stairs and into his room at bedtime. He also sleeps happily for two hours or so at lunchtime. He always greets me with a great big smile when I go to wake him. Sometimes he wakes up and I can hear him settling himself and getting comfy again.

I have never left him crying for more than five minutes. I have never put him down when he's been hungry or wet, and I know when he's crying because something is wrong. I know him very well and I am absolutely confident that our training was the right thing to do for us. He is an incredibly happy, confident little boy and I am convinced that is because he gets enough sleep. You know your baby best, you know what is right for him and your family.

(And having lovely evenings with your husband is pretty damn nice too - it's nice to go off duty at 7!)

SoMuchToBits · 10/05/2007 16:30

Glad evrything is still going well, and you and ds are both happy . And hello to new people who have joined thread. It'snice to know thereare some other people out there for whom cc has worked, and who have very happy children.

cruisemum1 · 11/05/2007 15:03

bump

Rantum · 11/05/2007 15:09

CC worked beautifully with my ds - and he is very confident and has slept through for a long time now (2.4mths) - and he loves going to bed.

Make sure that you have a really loving bedtime routine, stories and cuddles that is unrelated to the CC in the night, and ensure that you don't abandon your baby but return regularly to reassure your ds (as I am sure your reading has suggested) and the sleep pattern should follow. You have to be very calm and loving about the method, so if crying really worries or winds you up then it may not go as smoothly.

BikeBug · 12/05/2007 22:58

I'm on the first night of cc, having always said I wouldn't do it ever. DS is 14 months, sleeps for 2-3 hours at a time and we've tried everything else - NCSS, gradual retreat, night weaning... I finished his story and put out the light at 7.45 and it has taken 3 hours and 10 minutes so far for him to fall asleep, with me going in to reassure at 2, then 4, then 5, 7, 10, 15 and now 25 minute intervals. I think he may have fallen asleep now. I really hope so - I feel very wrung out by this and really hope tomorrow is better. Has anyone else had success with such a determined sleep-evader? (He's not asleep btw, I can hear him grumbling again...)

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 09:04

oh Gosh! you poor thing, ds too. Was he crying hard for all that time or did it subside and start again? I do hope he got some rest eventually. Don't feel too bad. By the end of it he would have been crying through tiredness and frustration not genuine upset I'm sure. Lavish him with affection today and hope for better tonight. Maybe as you have tried several different methods he is confused and skeptical that you will persist - cheeky monkey

BikeBug · 13/05/2007 09:12

thanks cruisemum (and congratulations on your success - I followed your story ). He finally fell asleep at 12.05am when I went in to reassure him and he grabbed my hand and lay on it. He was asleep that second. Slept until 6am, when I got up and fed him. He's pottering downstairs with his dad now. He didn't cry hard for the whole time - only (ha) for the first 2 hours, and that had peaks and lulls and was very much angry yelling not distressed crying. The next 2 hours was low level grumbling with peaks every time I went in to reassure him. I just hope tonight is better, he seems fine but I'm a wreck today.

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 09:19

bikebug - you have my sympathies. so is that a long stretch for him?

BikeBug · 13/05/2007 10:52

oh yes - 7 hours (done once) is his best ever, he's done 5 hours about 3 times, other than that it's 1.5 to 3 hours max. So it's a good stretch, but a rubbish night's sleep (assuming he wasn't asleep in the grumbling stage last night)

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 15:56

bikebug - are you continuing with cc tonight? It is so hard - believe me I felt sick at the thought of doing another night of it after night one but it really was so much easier on night 2. I guess you could do it and see if there is an improvement. I hope you feel strong enough! How is lo today?

BikeBug · 13/05/2007 16:17

yes, continuing tonight. I'm not putting him through this for nothing - that seems to be the worst possible outcome, to cave in now with nothing achieved but stress all round. I just want to stay calm and positive and not be giving him stress vibes by bedtime. He's fine today - he was clingy at 6am, but doesn't seem upset at all. I really hope tonight is better. Feeling very nervous about it already.

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 19:04

i hope it goes OK. It is sure to be better than last night - unless he wants to set a record .!

BikeBug · 13/05/2007 19:52

thanks cruisemum for being there, it helps a lot to think someone is listning. Just started again tonight - I don't think it's as bad, but maybe I'm just deluding myself to get through this. I'll log in tomorrow to say how it's gone. I hope he's not the record setting type - think he went for it yesterday though.

SweetyDarling · 13/05/2007 19:58

I saw an article today on Sydney Morning Herald website about a study showing that mothers who used sleep techniques (such as CC) were less likely to develop PND. The study also showed no negative effects on relationship development btwn baby and mother.
Will try and work a link.

SweetyDarling · 13/05/2007 20:03

link{http://www.smh.com.au/news/parenting/put-them-to-bed-and-relax/2007/05/09/1178390368338.html\here}

SweetyDarling · 13/05/2007 20:04

hopefully

Rantum · 13/05/2007 20:06

I did CC with ds, it worked, I slept more, he slept more - it did my sanity a power of good and thereby improved my mood for the hours in the day when ds was awake.

I completely agree with Aloha's pov, my ds is over 2 and he is a very contented happy boy with great sleep patterns.

He is getting ready for bed now with DH and just ran up to me and said "love you mummy, [ds's name} go to bed now. TIRED!!"

Not particularly scarred me thinks....

Blessed2 · 13/05/2007 20:15

We did cc with our ds. It was awful for us and really broke our hearts BUT IT WORKED!!!! It did take about a week though!!!!! Not 1 night!! Our ds is fine and it never had any effect on him at all - and as you said - you'll no longer feel like murdering anyone because of lack of sleep. Our ds is 5 now and as always been sunny and happy.

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 21:01

sweetiedarling - I shall look that up. Thanks. I do worry about the consequences of having done cc, esp since I did it once and had to do it again as I drifted into old habits. Felt doubly guilty then as I had to put ds through the same old same old .
Rantum - good to hear success stories. It's so true that it restores your good humour!
Bikebug- don't forget to post your progress.... sleep well

cruisemum1 · 13/05/2007 21:04

sweety - I am pretty sure I suffered bouts of PND type illness due to sleep deprivation. i alwasy put it down to tiredness but I felt pretty low on occasion . ds still wakes either during hte night once or early but so much better than the 1 - 2 hourly wakigs I was having before. Also, he settles within minutes rather than me having ot repeatedly go upstairs to resettle him. Defo works!

BikeBug · 14/05/2007 09:13

I hoped I'd have lots of positive things to report, but it wasn't to be . It was very similar last night. DS didn't cry as loudly, and there were two half hour periods where he may have fallen asleep, but it was gone midnight again when he finally settled, and like last night he grabbed my hand, lay on it and was asleep that second - its like he just needs that contact to slip him over the edge to real sleep. He's just having an early nap (not doing cc for naps) and he was crying and clinging to me in the cot . I said I'd give it a week and I will, but I'm really worried now that it just won't work and I'll have traumatised him.

Any positive stories of babies who took more than the 3 nights so many people seem to experience? Blessed2, are you still around? How did your week of cc go when you did it? Was their lots of crying? When did it first seem to be beginning to work?

krang · 14/05/2007 09:51

BikeBug, I know several mums who have used CC and it has taken more than a few days. I think the older your baby, the longer it's likely to take. I think it's worth trying to stick with it though I do appreciate how hard it is.

I honestly believe that helping your child to learn good sleep habits will not traumatise him. You are his mummy, you love him and he loves you and you are doing what you believe is right for your family. I also know several mums with older children who did CC and those kids are NOT traumatised - in fact, they are some of the happiest kids I know and that could well be in part because they sleep well. As an earlier poster said, it's things like emotional and physical abuse that traumatise children - not helping them to sleep!

Blessed2 · 14/05/2007 19:10

It seems so long ago . I don't think it really started to work until around the 6th night and even though ds slept through on the 7th it was still abit wobbily for another couple or so days. It really broke our hearts. We used to sit downstairs with the tv off listening to him cry - it was dreadful. Even now I have to shake my head at the memory of it But it was so worth it in the head. Even now 4+ years on he still sleeps through and has a good nightime routine of bath, book, bed . IT WAS WORTH IT. No one can really prepare you for how awful it will be doing cc though. My ds is lovely and he got a lovely Mum once she had a good nights sleep. Now everything is fine and my ds was never traumatised by the experience. Oh yeh, remind me to tell you about changing him from his cot to his first bed - still that's another story!

cruisemum1 · 14/05/2007 19:25

bikebug - now I guess you are between a rock and a hard place? do you carry on and put you all through more crying or do you give up and have hte last two nights for nothing. Tough call but I think you will find that if you do stop now you will end up doing this again in a month or so..... Bloody hard this mothering lark ain't it?!