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Original poster

will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

287 replies

crossedwires · 03/05/2007 14:29

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

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Original poster
crossedwires · 05/05/2007 20:02

having some gaps in the crying now but still horrendous. I guess that is good. Still visiting at reg intervals but heartbreaking to hear. I have opened the wine

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morocco · 05/05/2007 20:19

this brings back memories!
ok, this might not be what you want to hear, but my tuppenceworth is that I did the cc thing with ds1, it was awful, he could scream for hours and hours on end, it worked eventually after a long period of time, then a few weeks later, same thing, on and on and on for months
now? he's got an incredibly stubborn, strong willed personality (hence could cry for so long when so young I guess) and is still a total nightmare about going to sleep. I wonder if I made him like that by doing the cc when he was younger or if he would always have been that way/
ds2 I let stay in our bed whenever he needed it in the first year, after that he started sleeping in his own bed with no problems at all
now he loves going to bed, sleeps fantastically through the night, is incredibly secure about bedtime stuff and smiles when I tuck him up and walk out of the room
again, could be personality or could be the non cc.
I'mnot taking any chances this time round, no cc for me
just a thought

Original poster
crossedwires · 05/05/2007 20:22

morocco - to hear of your experience of cc. It is horrendous to hear your child scream esp if it ends up being for nothing.
My son is now soundly asleep . Stupid me went in to check and woke him which resulted in 3 mins more screaming but now he asleep again.
I feel so relieved.

OP posts:
NKF · 05/05/2007 20:28

Now, try to sleep yourself. Or at least rest. Take care, Crossedwires.

Original poster
crossedwires · 05/05/2007 20:39

NFK - thank you so much for your support - just what i needed. Lets hope he stays that way till mornin'

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Wilkie · 05/05/2007 20:46

CrossedWires - have skim read the thread and I hope things continue to improve for you.

FWIW - I think is CC is done correctly (i.e. you don't just leave them to scream until they go to sleep, stick religiously to whatever timescale you are comfortable with for you intervals of going in to reassure i.e. 2/4/6/8/10 mins) then it WILL work with minimum stress to the child.

IMO, a child needs to learn to go to sleep on their own. My LO is 16 weeks and getting progressively worse at night - I have never put him down asleep but he is still a pain in the bum at nodding off himself. I won't try CC ATM as I believe he is too young but am going to try from 6 months if the problem is still there.

Hope all goes well for you {{{{hugs}}}}

DaddyJ · 05/05/2007 20:58

Crossedwires, you did it!?!
And also: your ds did it!!

Ok, I won't get too excited on your behalf, just a little!

Good luck!!

princessmel · 05/05/2007 21:37

sorry crossedwires been watching Grease is the Word.
Well done thats great. And double great that he went back off without a bf when you went in to check him.

What you were doing sounds perfect. Obviously it worked. And if (when) he wakes up again then just do the SAME thing. Even if it happens lots. You're slowly teaching him that you are not going to bf in the night anymore but you still love him and are there for him, just in a different, new way.
You know yourself when you reach your limit and that time has come for you and your family. I'm still banking on dd getting slowly better. She's slept through 3 times in the last week. Heaven. Sorry I'm rambling.

Original poster
crossedwires · 05/05/2007 21:43

thanks daddyj/princess - actually i just went in to check on him before i hit the hay and he woke up. He is crying but not seriously, I kissed him and he grabbed my face. I willnot cave in as I have in hte past. He CAN do it. I am too tired to go through another 8 months of sleep deprivation. Thanks for your words. i will report bck tomorrow

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vimfuego · 05/05/2007 21:44

"I believe the reason that cc works is because baby learns that when he cries noone comes, they learn that it's not worth crying as their needs won't be met"

I've read this a lot.

The baby stops crying because he or she is ASLEEP. Because he or she has learned to settle by themselves.

Scanner · 05/05/2007 22:27

crossedwires - sounds like you did well tonight. By the way, I know you are supposed to put them into their cot awake so they learn to go off by themselves, but I never did. If bf or ff works for them and they drift off, I would gently put them down into cot - again I never had any problems and all that stuff about they won't learn to go off by themselves is nonsense if you ask me. When they got older mine had milk before bedtime, it was a part of the routine, but didn't need to be asleep.

Aloha · 05/05/2007 22:31

He's asleep crossedwires? Hooray!I think wine helps tbh.

If it helps, as a baby my ds always used to cry a bit before he went to sleep. I'd take him up for a nap - happy - put him in his sleeping bag - happy - put him down, give him a kiss, say 'go to sleep darling' - and he'd cry. But I'd steel myself, go downstairs and put on the kettle and by the time I'd made a cup of tea he had invariably gone to sleep. I think for him the brief cry was a discharge of tension and part of his routine of getting to sleep.

kiskidee · 05/05/2007 23:36

sorry for crashing in like this.

as you can see, even some 'experts' cosleep. read the penultimate sentence.

and Dr Ferber of CC fame also recommends co-sleeping.

Daddyj: I hope that Crossedwires is more successful at CC than you are.

some expert.

By DaddyJ on Thu 03-May-07 15:31:12
We did it in stages, cruisemum1.

Tried cc at 2 months, failed miserably.
Before 3-4 months: cosleeping.
At 4 months, straight CC at 7pm, she would wake up between 1-3 for feed in our bed, co-sleeping rest of the night.
At 6 months tried straight CC during rest of the night, gave up after 3 nights. It was just before xmas so we thought, sod this for a laugh, let's just enjoy Crimbo!
From then on 1/2 night feeds until she was 7 months old - when we did straight CC during the night, this time we persevered, after 3 nights she was sleeping 7-6.

All beautiful until a month or so ago when she had a tummy bug, after disruption more or less back in the rhythm.
Sometimes she wakes up in the middle of the night, I go to her and do my cc with pp thing.
And sometimes she wakes 5ish and we take her into our bed for first boob session of the day.

Hope tonight is good again for you, cruise.
You have been working hard at this.

Malaleche · 05/05/2007 23:45

Er, are we not allowed to do CC and (sometimes) co-sleep then?

Malaleche · 05/05/2007 23:46

Is it ok if i use cloth nappies but dont do BLW?

Malaleche · 05/05/2007 23:48

Can i still be a lentil weaver if i swear at my kids?

kittypants · 05/05/2007 23:49

not read thread but were on 4th night of cc and going amazinglywell!and i get woken with big smile and cuddle so think no trust lost.

DaddyJ · 05/05/2007 23:51

Crossedwires, I do apologise for kiskidee's post, aloha and I are giving her some one-to-one support on another thread and she seems to have posted on the wrong thread

Original poster
crossedwires · 06/05/2007 12:36

well last night was fantastic! The only prob was I went in at 10pm to check on him and woke him up , then I did the same thing at 3am. He settled well both times but did cry at 3am for about 7 - 8 mins. He is happy, I am happy. FEel better than I have in months . Will do the same tonight.
vimfuego - you are so right!
Kiskidee - what are you on?
Daddyj - it works!
Speak later

OP posts:
NKF · 06/05/2007 13:06

Wahey! Enjoy your day.

Original poster
crossedwires · 06/05/2007 13:31

nfk - thank you!

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Aloha · 06/05/2007 18:29

Very pleased for you crossed wires. It is so often far, far less traumatic for everyone that you assume it will be. Onward and upward!

Original poster
crossedwires · 06/05/2007 19:11

Aloha - It was traumatic for me but I was resolute as I simply could not carry on with the level of stress and anxiety caused by continuous sleepless nights. I am hoping that this evening will be ok. He has gone to bed no problems but he may well wake and then I will have to go through it all again. . It is amazing though, how I feel so so much better today for just having had two solid blocks of sleep either side of 3am. Everyones support has been my backbone! Tahnks

OP posts:
Original poster
crossedwires · 06/05/2007 19:12

Kittypants - night 4? Does that mean your ds/dd is still doing some crying/resisting?

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mishw · 06/05/2007 19:18

Well done you!!!

It is hard work and so difficult to hear your child so upsetm but you did the right thing, he was upset because he couldn't settle himself, you have done him a huge favour. You should be very proud of yourself and I'm sure you feel so much better for getting a good nights sleep.

I don;t want to put a downer on it - but beware - he will have relapses (esp ehrn teething or ill) but you;ve done it once, you can do it again!