will my baby still love me if Ido CC? I want him to still trust me!

[crossedwires]

I have a son of 8 months who is a terrible sleeper. I have trawled through websites, literature, libraries finding information on controlled crying. Has anyone got any experience of this having a negative efffect on their baby? This has been recommended to me by a health visitor who knows my baby's sleep history. thanks

it is indeed a rock and a hard place situation. He knew what was going to happen tonight, and started to get fretful once we had finished his bath, clinging to me. We're in the first 10 mins of really loud crying at the moment and it is terrible to hear. Cruisemum and Krang thanks for the emotional support, and Blessed for the information too - I hope hope hope it doesn't take all week, but it helps to know that after 6 nights it worked for you, rather than me worrying that because we haven't seen instant improvement it will never work. Back in to say night night now. Thanks again.

oh god bikebug. I hope it wsn't too stressful for you. Makes me feel uneasy that he was clinging to you before he even got to bed. A very resistant little boy! Rest assured that they have short memories and the hours of love you lavish on him in the day must surely counterbalance his evenings. Bottom line is he HAS to learn to get to sleep and stay asleep so...what to do??!

I know. I feel just evil. I always hated the idea of cc - even flounced from another internet forum after an argument over it. If I read my posts now, back then, (if that makes sense), I'd despise me for doing this. Easier to rationalise cc when it's 3 nights and only a short period of crying than when it goes on and on like this. But I honestly believe that it's better to be consistent than not,and I've tried everything else - he has a fantastic bedtime routine, can sleep in the car or buggy and at nursery, just needs constant reassurance in his cot. I will lavish love on him all day - we had lots of giggles earlier so he's ok really.

bikebug - glad you sound upbeat about it. how long did things take this evening? I do hope you are feeling OK. and that your darling boy is Ok too.

oh and btw - i was against cc until i think my mental health began to suffer! mums have been doing this for centuries. Long before monitors existed I expect a lot of mums did it without even realising!

Thanks dinosaur & cruisemum. I understand about the mental health thing - I've suffered from depression in the past and could feel the anger and hopelesness creeping back. One of the huge prompts for me to do this was just how angry I was getting in the middle of the night. Have also pranged the car three times now, probably due to sleep deprivation.

Last night was slightly better - all went quiet at 9.30, he was asleep for sure at 10.30 and didn't stir until 7 this morning. My worry now is that he wasn't asleep between 9.30 and 10.30, but was standing up silently in his cot (which is how I found him at 10.25). So tonight I check every 15 mins even if he isn't making a noise.

DS is fine this morning btw - babbling happily and poking me with a plastic trident (like you do...)

yaaaay! it's working! soooooo relieved and happy for you and your ds.

oh, and try to stop worrying

Hi Bikebug - glad things are getting better. hang in there, youre doing the right thing. (i pranged ny car because i was soooo tired too!) It must be really scary when they stand up in the cot. I'm finding it hard enough that mine is on all fours in case she bangs her head. take care.

Good to hear things are getting better, Bikebug. I also had PND and PTSD so can sympathise. Things got a lot better after DS started sleeping.

Aren't baby giggles just the best noise ever? DS was howling with laughter in the bath last night because I was pouring water over his head...

Hang in there!

Only you know how important it is for your family. I know I am a hell of a lot better as a parent when I have slept a bit.

I think it's only succesful when you really get to the end of your tether and have to do it.

We did it recently but stayed in the room so he didn't feel abandoned. He can now go down asleep . Now to tackle the night waking!

Hope it goes well for you tonight bikebug. We did it when ds was quite young (Iposted earlier on the thread), and it took about 3-4 nights, but as a lot of other people have said, it does seem to take a bit longer if they are older (I think their habits have become more ingrained IYSWIM). But hang on in there, because it is so worth it to have that sleep yourself, and a happy child at bedtime and in the morning.

'incidentall, my ds still wakes once per night. i don't feed him but do pu/pd or kiss and leave. He sometimes goes on for over an hour crying, stopping, screaming etc. Don't know how to fix this. will it stop iyo? I was thinking maybe it was cos i bring him into bed for his first feed of the day and he prob wants to come in before that! I really don't want to stop doing that as it is his only bf of the day now and I can get an extra half hour shut eye. What does anyone think? Woill he stop? I hate hate hate to hear him upset..

???

Hi Cruisemum, I wish I could help! I found ds's morning feed getting earlier and earlier for a while (6.30, 6am, 5.30), so you might be right - it might be in hope of that feed. You don't say what time your ds is waking? It must be horrible to hear him upset - things are so hard to cope with in the middle of the night. I hope someone comes along with sensible suggestions for you soon.

They do sleep best when right next to you

kerrymum/paula - i don't sleep well though . I love the feeling of my little darling boy snuggled up but I just cannot sleep like that so I am a grumpy mum the next day. thanks anyway

I probably shouldn't be using this thread as my own personal sleep blog, but I just feel like I have to write this down. Then if (when?) there is some improvement I'll be able to see it. At the moment I'm so shattered I forgot to eat breakfast. We had a terrible night again last night. DS finally slept with me standing next to the cot, at 11.15pm. He cried and cried from 7.30 to 9.00, then quietened down until 9.30, then started crying again. Another break at about 10.00, then more crying with me going in at 5, 10, 15 minutes. Every time I went in to him he screamed and tried to grab me. I've been laying him down and stroking him at each visit, but he just gets so wound up. Maybe I should switch to standing at the door and talking to him? I don't know. This is sooooo hard . I dropped him at nursery this morning and asked them to be extra special nice to him. I feel so guilty. He is fine though - smiling and playing this morning, though who knows how on just 7 hours sleep?

bikebug - you poor thing and for little one too. Maybe this is not working for you? Does it seem to be improving? Is lo getting nervy/edgy before bedtime? It must be absolutely heartbreaking. I would call your hv and have her recommend a sleep expert. i did that and it really helped me to make a decision. better to stop now if there is no progress rather than carry on and put all ofyou throuhg more heartache. Sorry not to sound positive but i feel for you and your little boy so much.

I don't know . We've already seen a paed, and she just told me to do cc and that I was damaging my child by letting his sleep get as bad as it had. At the time I told her I wasn't prepared to consider it. I just don't know what to do. When he does fall asleep he's sleeping for hours (until 5 am today) which was unheard of before, but I don't know if this is worth it. He was fine at bedtime - no wobbles at all, lots of giggles at his story, so it's not as bad as it seemed the other night. But there is just so much crying.

bikebug - it is not affecting his confidence in you then. that's good . his sleep is extending - that is great . prob just a tough little monkey who's making you pay . i bet it's better tonight..... hope so . cd you call hv and update her? i know some are useless but professional advice does help sometimes. hth

I haven't known whether to post or just mind my own business Bikebug. Your little one sounds a bit like mine and cc failed miserably after the worst couple of weeks of our entire lives .

Paeds must be different cos I went to see one last week who said some kids are too sensitive and cc does more harm than good. I said what else does he recommend and he told me to cosleep, get used to less sleep and charged me fifty quid And told me to join mumsnet for inspiration and support

My dd has been awful since cc, still screams if i open her bedroom door and when i tell her its bed time she starts whimpering. Feel like complete sh**t fingers crossed its goes better for you. Sorry if you wished i'd minded my own business.

thanks cruisemum and mabbit. Mabbit, I'm so sorry to hear about your lo, and I don't wish you'd kept quiet at all, honest. I think cc is sold as the last-ditch solution but still as something that works, and I have my doubts (surprise surprise). I think I have to give it a go, because there is some improvement, but if he gets more distressed I'm stopping. Last night when he screamed for me to stay I stood by his cot till he fell asleep, because it was a totally different kind of cry to earlier and there was real distress in it. Anger I can cope with, but not panic. Cruisemum, I haven't spoken to a hv since the 9 month check - they pretty much discharged me and told me to go away! I know they can't make me, but I felt very much 'off the books'. I might try again though, but mine wasn't awful, just very, very wet.