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Original poster

Anyone want to accompany me while i sleep train DD?

523 replies

MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 13:58

I am starting to sleep train 13mo DD tonight. She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and always co-slept on the boob. I had a consultation with a sleep expert today who has talked me thru a gentle process of sleep training.

I am starting tonight as DH is away for a week from next Thursday, so i want it in place for then. DH is not particularly supportive because he hates them crying (and i love it obviously Hmm ) so it would be great if there was someone who was doing theirs at the same time for a mutual support group!

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Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 09:20

There's no point Lapin. He nods, agrees, says he's on board, denies any impact of what he's done, individualises every instance as an exception because... Then just carries on the way he wants to. We have every conversation as if it's the first time we've had it. We just go round and round and round. For my own sanity i have had to detach and accept anything i want done i have to do myself.

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FannyTheFlamingo · 08/12/2017 10:00

I think you need to just apply what Nottalotta said to last night and not get too stressed about it. Tonight's another night and a step closer to your goal. DP is a bit pissed off because the baby monitor is disturbing him!! He has to sleep with the TV on and he snores. Hmm Anyway DD has just seen snow for the first time, didn't have a clue what I was showing her, but she thought it was funny!

LapinR0se · 08/12/2017 10:31

Can the sleep consultant talk to him?

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 11:57

No snow here yet :( we are going skiing at end Jan which is my incentive to sort dd and to a lesser extent all of mine out. Ds1 will be the toughest nut I think.

Just bloody typical that I get ill like this when I’m doing the sleep training. I have a fever and ache all over and am not relishing hours of crying and back breaking leaning over the cot.

Lapin I suppose she could. I doubt it would change much and she only speaks to people between 10-12 mon and weds so dh is at work. He just does whatever he wants anyway.

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Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 13:13

Dd had a 2 hour nap. Longest ever(normally 45 mins) she coughed a couple of times but settled herself back to sleep. She didn’t have boob either and had a whole boiled egg and slice of toast for breakfast at 9.

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Lukeandlorelai4Ever · 08/12/2017 13:24

Following your thread to see how you get on!

teaandbiscuitsforme · 08/12/2017 13:25

MrsK If you want to break the feeding to sleep, could you not use your DH cosleeping with your DD rather than you having to sit with her? (Her in a single bed or mattress on the floor with DH) And then in a couple of weeks/months/whenever, your DH does gradual withdrawal to stop the cosleeping?

Hope you're ok. This illness going round at the moment is horrible! Thanks

LapinR0se · 08/12/2017 13:30

Sounds v positive on the eating & napping front

boodles101 · 08/12/2017 15:05

Can I join you? DS 10 months has always been an awful sleeper and I fed to sleep so he woke every 1-2 hours. I managed to stop that habit and he gradually got better til just waking up once per night. I had 5 days of this but since then he has just been getting worse again! Last night was awake 5 times and I've no idea why! No illness, no teething, I think he knows I will eventually give up and bring him into bed with me. So decided tonight I'm going to be tough. No feeding to sleep, no co sleeping and going to use CC every 5 mins. I used this previously to get him to settle for naps and bedtime which worked well for him. I also have DH who does not help at all and likes to tell me he is tired Confused when he sleeps through it all.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 16:11

Good luck Boodles. What time do you start your bedtime?

DD ate a whopping lunch and only had a small BF at 2.45pm, she's been playing lovely today and far less clingy. I will bath her at 6.45 and start Bedtime at 7pm. PJs, book, BF and a lullaby, say bed time/goodnight/Boo all gone for today etc. And then turn lights down and put her in her cot and ride it out. Making a pasta bake now so DH can help himself when he gets in.

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boodles101 · 08/12/2017 16:32

Thanks. I start bedtime at 6.30 do bath, pjs, book, BF then bed. He goes down absolutely fine by himself now but he's waking up more and more. Last night's first wake up was 10.30 :-( I also bought a white noise machine the other day but it's taking forever to be delivered. At the moment I turn on his mobile but this only lasts 20 mins. Sometimes I can turn it on in the night and he will settle himself so I thought I could try something that I can leave on all night. Who knows if that will help!
I wish there was something I did differently the week where he only woke once a night but there really wasn't! But I'm starting to panic that I'm going back to work in a few weeks and how I'll survive with the wake ups.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 17:20

Oh dear. DS2 and DD fast asleep. I think they are coming down with this bug. I can't imagine the night being particularly like the routine. It may be just DH with DD and focussing on no bfing, while i stay with ds2.

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boodles101 · 08/12/2017 17:51

Oh no. This whole sleeping business always feels like 1 step forward and 3 backwards. Hope the bug passes quickly.

LapinR0se · 08/12/2017 17:54

Wake them up!! And adjust bedtimes

Kentnurse2015 · 08/12/2017 18:04

I would absolutely wake them up!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 18:58

I can never wake my kids up. When they go they really go. They just are unwakeable. DD slept for 30 mins so i'll start her bedtime at 7.30. DS1 just gone. He was begging for bed at 6pm. DS2 is still asleep and probably will wake at 4am.

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FATEdestiny · 08/12/2017 19:04

If several in the household are ill, I'd postpone for a week.

We've had a really nasty virus go through our house and it's knocked us for six, especially me and the toddler.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 19:08

I think, tonight we'll muddle thru with dh cosleeping with DD and her just not having any feeds. I will do the bedtime bath etc routine at 7.30 and then if she wakes DH can go to her.

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GertrudeCB · 08/12/2017 21:45

Hows it going op ?

Original poster
MrsKoala · 09/12/2017 06:21

Tough night with the boys. DS2 has croup so was awake quite a bit, but also tired so i got him back to sleep quite easily. DS1 came into me at 9pm. So i 'slept' between the 2 of them trying not to wake them with my nose blowing. We got up at 5am as no one could breath laying down.

DD on the other hand appears to have had a brilliant night. DH did bedtime at 8.30 and took her straight to bed with him (i was not well enough to do it) and she is still asleep. I don't think she has woken once, altho they are still in bed so i can't be sure but i heard no crying.

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GertrudeCB · 09/12/2017 06:26

This may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Hope your Ds's feel better soon Flowers

Original poster
MrsKoala · 09/12/2017 06:35

DH said to me yesterday he didn't understand my urgency in wanting to sort out her sleep. Angry He is away from Thursday and i will not sleep if i have to sleep with all three and they also get a shit sleep so are grotty all day. So i'll have next Fri, Sat and Sunday with no sleep and no opportunity to nap while they are at school (which i try to in the week).

If i can get her going to sleep in her cot for the first half of the night i can at least quickly eat, get clothes ready etc and then get an early night for a few hours and if she then comes into the bed at 2ish then so be it. I can cope on 5 hours sleep a day. Especially if i get it in chunks of 2-3hrs. It's the frequent wakings that break me (and everyone else i suspect).

Today he is moving the bed up to the top bedroom so he can sleep with DS2 up there and then hopefully DD crying wont wake him. Then when DH is back we will start phase 2 and sleep train ds2 to stay up there. Then we will move on to DS1 - probably after xmas. He will be toughest but we can't spend an hour laying with him every night.

How was everyone else night? A bit more successful than mine i hope.

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boodles101 · 09/12/2017 08:00

DS woke at 12 but I left him for a few mins and he went back to sleep. Then woke again at 3.15am. I had to go in 3 times (15mins) til he settled but then woke 20 mins later. I went in again after 5mins and ge settled but woke again 20 mins later. I thought he might have been hungry so fed him but kept him awake. He then slept til 7.30 when I woke him up. So a big improvement on the previous night. Not sure if I should have fed him or not but maybe going from several to no feeds was too much.

FannyTheFlamingo · 09/12/2017 08:05

Oh MrsK, that sounds so tough! How old are your other 2? You've probably said and I've missed it! I think all plans go out the window when you or the kids are sick, so this has come at such a shit time for you. My DP doesn't understand why DD won't sleep in her cot and through the night at 13 months! Like she's old enough to be able to do it Hmm so he thinks she should've been sleep trained by now. But when it comes to implementing anything, he's the same as your DH.

To give you hope....we were on night 9 last night. DD went straight to sleep, and I only had to go and settle her twice, at 10.30 and 5am. She woke a few other times but put herself straight back to sleep. She then woke up at 7.10. It's the latest she's slept since she was tiny! 5 nights ago I was sat outside her room from 3am till she got up at 5am. And no dirty nappies for 2 nights now. Hopefully last night wasn't a fluke!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 09/12/2017 09:39

Boodles - that sounds good. I think it just improves gradually every night.

Fanny - it's okay, everyone being ill is fairly standard when you have 3 close together. Last winter we had 6 months where one of us was il at all times. Ds1 is 5.3 and ds2 is 3.3. Your night sounds so much better too. I'm so glad the hard work is paying off. Good about not having the dirty nappies too.

DD woke at 7am and was happy. DH said she woke briefly a couple of times in the night, but didn't cry or ask for me or 'Boooo', he just patted her and she went straight back to sleep. She had a BF at 7 then a dippy egg and toast at 9. She is now trotting round happily playing and hasn't followed me with her hands in the air whining once. So altho it's not exactly what we were hoping for, i think we are breaking the feed to sleep pattern and she is gently learning to settle without me.

We are 'attachment' parents (i hate that term but i can't think of one which describes it any better), it's just our way, i certainly don't judge anyone who isn't, in fact i think they possibly are better parents than us, but i can't be someone i am not. This sleep consultant was very in tune with that and quite supportive in working with our style/personalities. We had another sleep consultant a year ago and she wasn't very good and had a bizarre and quite scatter gun approach. She was really rude, critical and patronising and it was very much one way to do everything. She couldn't get her head around us wanting the kids to co sleep and that we didn't have an 'adults room' etc.

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