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Original poster

Anyone want to accompany me while i sleep train DD?

523 replies

MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 13:58

I am starting to sleep train 13mo DD tonight. She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and always co-slept on the boob. I had a consultation with a sleep expert today who has talked me thru a gentle process of sleep training.

I am starting tonight as DH is away for a week from next Thursday, so i want it in place for then. DH is not particularly supportive because he hates them crying (and i love it obviously Hmm ) so it would be great if there was someone who was doing theirs at the same time for a mutual support group!

OP posts:
Orlofina · 07/12/2017 22:41

Well done MrsKoala hope you get some rest tonight!

Btw Can buy sleeping bags in primark/big supermarkets too

Howsthings1234 · 07/12/2017 22:48

Definitely order a 2.5 tog grobag they are fantastic. My daughters room is quite cold so I have put a small oiled filled radiator in there - it was only about £30 from Argos and keeps her room consistently at a warm temp and means I don't have to heat the whole house overnight.

One thing that really helped me when sleep training was forcing myself to actually time crying from wake ups in the night. Without timing it, it can sound like forever and I often found myself rushing in and picking up and maybe even waking up my daughter. Now I will actually look at the clock and wait a while. It surprised me doing that just how quickly my daughter was back off to sleep, vast majority of the time the cry's sound so loud but within five minutes she's fast asleep again without me going to her.

Howsthings1234 · 07/12/2017 22:49

Ps good luck!! Sounds like it was tough tonight but you stuck at it and that's something to be proud of!

FannyTheFlamingo · 07/12/2017 22:53

@Howsthings1234 I've been wondering how long to leave DD when she wakes in the night. Sometimes she'll just make a couple of noises and go back to sleep, but if it's more than that, I usually go straight in. Do you think 5 mins is a reasonable amount of time to wait? I worry that if I leave her then she'll wake herself up more and take longer to go back down.

Dildals · 07/12/2017 22:57

My children are 2 and 4 now and the money on the sleep trainer was the best money I have ever spent. She gave me several options from gentle (gradual withdrawal type) to CC where you still go in at times intervals. Different styles worked for different children and I also applied different styles over time, but knowing the principles really helped.
I needed to get my youngest back again to getting himself to sleep after a bout of coughs colds and illnesses and I was dreading it but lo and behold he only expressed his disagreement for a few mins and went to sleep the cheeky so and so (whereas for the last week I have been staying in his room for 90 mins until he was asleep!)

Original poster
MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 23:05

Been crying 25 mins now. :(

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Howsthings1234 · 07/12/2017 23:06

Fanny - I know exactly what you mean and it is so hard to strike the balance.* I had five mins in my head as a reasonable time to start with and I would say 9 out of 10 times she settled in that time without me going in which showed me I might have been making things worse by rushing in.* Every baby/toddler is so different though!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 23:29

40 mins of crying and she’s fallen asleep with her head on her MyHummy bear. I feel sick. Back to sleep for another half an hour I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 23:40

Awake again. My head is pounding.

OP posts:
FannyTheFlamingo · 07/12/2017 23:59

I hope she has a bit of a long stretch now MrsK so you can get some sleep. DD woke at 11pm and I finally got back to sleep 15 mins ago and she just woke up again. Good luck for the rest of the night.

Orlofina · 08/12/2017 00:24

DD woke up and I gave a massive dreamfeed. So that’s it until tomorrow morning now!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 02:03

Awake now. I think I’m coming down with something

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mummarosie1 · 08/12/2017 02:52

Can't really help with the sleep training but amazon sell 'gro-bags'. Probably need 2.5 tog x

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 05:04

Aaaargh. Dh took her into bed with him at 2.30. I was settling ds2 who was woken by her crying and I’m feeling dreadful so dh said he’d swap. 3 mins in I heard the crying stop. I just knew.

She’s just woken now.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 05:06

Aaaargh. Dh took her into bed with him at 2.30. I was settling ds2 who was woken by her crying and I’m feeling dreadful so dh said he’d swap. 3 mins in I heard the crying stop. I just knew.

She’s just woken now.

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StinkPickle · 08/12/2017 05:38

Oh I’d be SO cross OP. What a cockwomble. And he’s the one going away and leaving you with the 3 of them.

He should be fully helping you get this sorted. Hope you feel better. Better enough to kick dp in the nuts.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 05:43

I know he can’t hear them cry. He just doesn’t have it in him. On Saturday dh and ds2 will move to the top floor so hopefully she won’t wake ds2 and I will just crack on alone.

It’s still been successful in that she has settled with him straight away without boob. She woke briefly at 5 and went straight back to sleep. 2 nights ago she would have screamed for me as ‘Boooo’.

Not great of course, but not a total disaster. (Trying to remain positive)

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FannyTheFlamingo · 08/12/2017 06:13

Maybe it's better if you just do it on your own. Obviously not ideal, especially with 2 others, but at least you can stick with it.

DD slept from 12 till 5.50! 1st time that's happened. I, on the other hand, was awake at 2.30, 3.30, 4.30 and 5.30! Need to sleep train myself!

CatSneeze · 08/12/2017 06:41

Well done MrsK I think you did brilliantly last night all things considered. Hope you managed to get some sleep too and that you’re feeling better today.

We much further on than you in that we’ve been very gradually introducing sleep training since September and I’ve found it’s important to always look back on the night and take out positives from it, that way you feel you’re moving forward. Last night was a fantastic night for us, DS only woke once at 3.30am, fed for 4 mins then pushed me away and went back to sleep until 6.40am. A miracle! A few months ago I was completely on my knees with exhaustion, I’d lost huge amounts of weight and couldn’t function day to day, I was pushing away friends because I was so miserable and felt too tired to pull myself together to make the effort to get out of the house more than absolutely necessary.

I’m absolutely no expert, DS has been a terrible sleeper from the start although looking back there are lots of things I’d have done differently, but here are a few things that have helped us get to where we are now.

  • when I go in to resettle him I try not to over stimulate and will repeat the same calm phrase over and over until he does it and then I’ll stop. In our case I say “good boy, sleepy boy. Close your eyes” and now just hearing me say that is enough to make him lie back down on his front. I say that when I put him down at night, after a feed during the night and for any night wakings.
  • consistency! I always thought we had been consistent but when I look back on his short life we had tried: him in our room with me, me in his room with him, co sleeping, we’d been on holiday, stayed at my parents, stayed at the ILs, DH has been away a lot so that changes things, I’ve moved his cot from room to room, sometimes I’d go in and feed him, sometimes I wouldn’t, sometimes DH would go in. We tried nightlights, gro bags, white noise, lullabies, Sleepyheads etc. When I look back on it the poor little thing didn’t know what to expect from bedtime. I used to very quickly assume things didn’t work and give up. We’ve now decided how we want it to be long term and have stuck rigidly to it as much as possible and he’s responded really well. Within 2 nights I think he’d forgotten that I ever used to put him in bed with me. Cosleeping didn’t work for us, neither of us slept soundly.
  • recently I’ve been trying to reduce night feedings, I’d been debating going cold turkey and was about to start trying that but had instead been reducing each feed by a minute every other day. Once we got down to feeds only being 4 mins long it seems that DS has got used to not being full of milk all night long and actually pushes me away now rather than feeding until he falls asleep.
  • I think key for us is not to rush back in to him, I used to run straight in when he woke up but giving him 3-5 mins gave him an opportunity to try to go back to sleep on his own and my presence was overstimulating him. Definitely listen to the cries and only do what you feel comfortable with. The first night is done now and it can only get better from here. You’re doing great and DD is lucky to have you- 14 months of this, you’re a hero!

I hope all of this made sense and came across how I intended, I’m writing on my phone and it’s not easy!

NowtAbout · 08/12/2017 06:49

Oh I feel your pain. Mine ds1 was awake every 20 mins for a few months nearly killed me.
I know people disagree but I found the gradual retreat made mine more upset than CC. If they could see me they got so angry and wound up. I imagined them thinking 'you can see I'm upset but you won't pick me up". Cc involved far less tears and upset for my lot. Good luck though both are horrible (but so worth it to function as an effective parent ime)

FannyTheFlamingo · 08/12/2017 07:32

Great post CatSneeze. I don't think we realise how inconsistent we are until we list everything like you've just done.

NowtAbout I completely agree. We've been doing CC for just over a week and now when I leave the room, DD cries once and then goes to sleep. If I stay in the room she doesn't stop crying, because she doesn't understand why I'm not rubbing her back or stroking her face.

LapinR0se · 08/12/2017 07:34

Does your husband think he is helping? I would absolutely murder him

Original poster
MrsKoala · 08/12/2017 07:34

Thanks all. We're all feeling rough today (not dh tho). DS1 has been off school since he keeled over on stage at his nativity on weds afternoon Blush

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Sparrowlegs248 · 08/12/2017 09:00

Well done MrsKoala. I know it's not your plan, but with ds I just did bedtimes. Then contact slept from when he first woke after I was in bed. His night wakings very quickly reduced as he learnt to fall asleep in his cot at bedtime, it transferred to the night time too. So all is not lost if you dont apply it to night wakings .

LapinR0se · 08/12/2017 09:13

I think you need to have extremely stern words with your husband. Does he know the impact sleep deprivation has had on you?
You cannot do this alone and he must not sabotage your efforts. You will just end up with a very confused baby and worse sleep than before.