Anyone want to accompany me while i sleep train DD?

[MrsKoala]

I am starting to sleep train 13mo DD tonight. She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and always co-slept on the boob. I had a consultation with a sleep expert today who has talked me thru a gentle process of sleep training.

I am starting tonight as DH is away for a week from next Thursday, so i want it in place for then. DH is not particularly supportive because he hates them crying (and i love it obviously ) so it would be great if there was someone who was doing theirs at the same time for a mutual support group!

Thanks all. I don't really know what to do. I'm really torn. As pp said i don't want to start something i can't finish and i just wont be able to do even one night of her crying all night with how tired i am and how much stuff i have to do atm.

She was awake again last night crying for an hour at 12.30-1.30 till DH came and got me. It was her 3rd wake up since 9.30pm when he went to bed with her. It looks like i will just go back to sleeping with her and feeding all night at this rate. :(

I am going to email the sleep consultant to tell her and see what she suggests. But i know there is no way anything is going to happen without letting her cry. She cries even if she's being cuddled. So that's the only possible way forward.

DS1 has taken a bad turn wrt sleeping and is having to be dragged to bed punching and kicking every night too.

DD is now 16months old btw. Sorry for not answering.

Also following with interest. I have the same situation expect dd is 15 months. Fingers crossed all goes well

Just a thought I know it sounds obvious is she eating enough solids in the day ..especially near bedtime? Could you give a filling snack like weetabix before bed? Also lots of outside time running around I know it's not easy in this weather..but might help a bit xx

Thanks. That's one of the problems. She doesn't eat much in the evening. She will eat a bigger lunch and idi'm not about will eat more. But wont take much food from me and then wants 'Booo' straight after. She wont eat things like weetabix or porridge much. Just wants to mess about with finger food and have the odd yogurt. At Nursery she eats shreddies and toast, a snack and a big hot lunch with pudding. But home she wont unless i am out and my mum or the nanny (who comes into help sometimes on her day off) feeds her. She wont take food hardly at all from DH either (probably because she knows i'mhiding in the kitchen!).

I've spoken to the sleep consultant and she has said, as i suspected, that she can't suggest anything other than the sleep plan she has already done and that without dh's help it's going to be virtually impossible to do it. So that's that really.

Maybe during the holidays Mum and Dad might have the boys over night for a couple of nights and I can try to do it alone, but i know the moment she cries he will want to pick her up.

Mrs K could you take the older children to your parents for a couple of nights and leave your DH with the non sleeper. You aren’t there as an option then so DH can’t bring you the baby after an hour, he’ll have to manage and the baby will figure out you aren’t there. It won’t necessarily mean they sleep through but they might start to accept DH as much as you - that’s got us to where we are now at about the same age - alternating a nights sleep each.

She does go with him thru some nights and it's probably about 50/50. But it's the evenings which kill us. Having to hold her all night is so shit.

She's just gone up with DH.She went on the boob on me about half an hour ago. I'm tidying, cleaning the kitchen, getting school clothes ready and making lunches for tomo now. I wish i could do it earlier so i could go to bed now too.

Just to clarify- I didn't mean she goes thru the night with DH, just she cries and he can manage to settle her about half the time without needing me.

MrsK you sound at the end of your tether, yet again, you need to stop this vicious cycle by stopping feeding your DD.
For her it’s so she can be happy when she sees you, without being held by you or feeding.
For your other dc, it’s so they don’t have to see and hear their sister screaming for hours on end.
For you it’s so you can function like a proper human being.

Your H is only helpful when it suits him so leave for a few days and let him get on with it!

But that’s the point of the sleep trainer. That won’t make any difference. She is crying because she is getting cuddled. She went 2 weeks without me feeding or seeing her at night but she still woke 3 times every night and cried to be cuddled. Which dh does.

The sleep lady says if we do that then she will never stop. That we need to put her in her cot and not pick her up. Just shush and pat her.

It’s not the boob. She can and does go thru the night without it. It’s the co-sleeping and getting cuddles we need to stop. But I just don’t feel right leaving a baby with no cuddles.

And the sleep trainer says not to do the bedtime routine training I was doing before because dh then picking her up and taking her into bed will make her cry more and be more confused.

So we need to just co-sleep and cuddle or follow the training properly. If we think we will buckle and pick her up then not to do it at all.

Thanks everyone. I’m off to bed to have a think.

Hi MrsK. Sorry to hear you've been having such a shite time. My girl is 7m and I can already see some struggles in the future. I can get her down to sleep in her cot but when she wakes up at 2:30 or 3:30 she's so wired that she flails and chats. By that point in the evening I'm absolutely shattered, I am so tired I am filled with rage and I genuinely mutter to myself about how much I fucking hate everything. So I bring her in the spare bedroom with me and she goes back until 7ish. Sometimes 6:30. DH sleeps all night. She used to sleep 10-6 when she was tiny. Now it's not even close. Sometimes between 7-11 she wakes up 6 times for her dummy.

I had been really resistant to sleep training and CC because I can't stand to hear her cry. My DH has always said 'when you're ready I'll step in and do it' (as in, your way isn't working so I'll do it and it'll work). Urgh. Anyway, tonight I did bath at 6, bed at 6:30. She had her bottle, I gave her a small cuddle and put her down in the cot with her mickey comforter. Then I left the room. I could hear her rolling about and chatting but I didn't go in until she started to get frustrated. I replaced her dummy and left again and she went off.

I was so proud of myself! She's stirred 3 times since but it's been a case of dummy in and leave.

I'm not sure if this is the right way but I hope that at 2:30/3:30 I can be strong enough to keep going. I just want to sleep in my own bed!!

Mrs K it seems like weaning is the only thing you haven't tried I agree with lizzy. Maybe give it a go

I've spoken to DH again. We are going to go back to the bedtime routine of bathing and story at 7pm but try putting her down in the bed instead of the cot and see if she lasts longer there. Then dh will just get in with her and sleep with her all night with no bf under any circs. I've told DH that if he wont do the proper sleep training then he needs to do all her night time wakings and cannot be out of the house past 9pm. He will also have to do this on all holidays etc as i am not doing it anymore and if he comes to get me he will be told no and the door firmly shut.

I am going to reduce bf to one morning feed. One afternoon feed and one bed time feed. We are going to try to up her food intake. I may see if the Nursery can take her on Monday mornings too.

You need to do what you can to wean her off you because this set up sounds distressing for everybody concerned, dd included. You can't be getting any time with dh either.

Most of all, I think you need consistency. I think having that might help her feel more secure.

Ds would have gone this way I'm sure. I couldn't cart him round constantly as a toddler like he wanted so he did some screaming for a while, got over it and grew up. He's now 10 and very happy and affectionate.

Yes, i am trying to wean her off now. But about carting her about constantly - that's the thing, i don't. I obviously just can't even if i wanted to as i have the boys to look after and house stuff to do. So she has been putdown in the hope she will learn. i set her up with toys etc then try to get on with something but she screams the moment i walk away and has just not got used to it even tho it happens every day.

My girl woke up 5-6 times between 6:30-11 and then up again at 2:30, 3:30, 4:30 when I gave up and brought her in with me. I am the walking dead

Oh no Frozen. I hate that feeling. Especially when it's so early and you know you have the whole day ahead and no bed till at least 9pm. Can you get any rest at all today? I have become skilled at power napping for 20 mins even if i'm sitting upright, and in public!

I try to nap when she does. I take her in the spare bedroom with me so I get a proper sleep. I used to be a champion sleeper, well known for being able to sleep anywhere but now I can't!

She's so whingey at the moment it's hard to get on through the day. Especially as it's snowy outside so we can't go walking like we usually do!

It's good you can get some rest if you can. That's a good thing about having only one at home - you can nap when they do. DS1 rarely slept before midnight but he slept till 10am and then had two 2 hour naps in the day. It meant DH just left us asleep in the morning and i napped when he did.

I think the weather is hard too if you can't take them out for a good run. Altho we have had the opposite - the excitement and change of it all is keeping the boys up. We had a really active day yesterday - soft play, sledging, walking lots in the snow etc but we couldn't get any of them to bed till 9pm and ds2 has now been up since4 and ds1 and dd got up at 5.45. I thought we would get 8am at least after yesterday. but no. :(

Is she happy at nursery? If so I would book her into more sessions so that you at least get time to catch up. I liked mornings as when I picked up DD had been fed and was tired out.

Oh gosh sorry you're having an awful time MrsK. Definitely get the bedtime routine started and maybe do a mini version of it at nap time too? Have you got a sleep phrase that you can say to her every time so that she knows it's time for bed?
You have probably already said much further up the thread but how does she nap? Just one a day? Where?
You will just need to bite the bullet and do it. There's not going to be a time in the near future that you're feeling any less tired to start so the quicker you start now, the quicker things will start to get better for you all.

My DS has gone backwards this week. He's had a bad reaction to his MMR injections and has the measles rash all over plus high temperature at night. He seems okish during the day, playing happily but then as soon as the evening comes his temp shoots right up again. He had 2 nights of co-sleeping. Then 3rd night was better was he slept til 5am. Then last night he was awake at 11pm and 1am when I brought him in again - he went straight to sleep. Today he won't nap in his cot and his just fighting going down. So I gave him comfort when he was ill but now he wants that comfort all night again - I'll start again with the CC tonight as long as no temperature. Dh just said oh just let him nap on me - no that's exactly the problem. We let him do it for 2/3 days and we are back to square 1 again. 🙈

I've started the bedtime routine of bath, song, book etc and leaving her in bed the last 2 nights and she has slept from 7.30-9pm Then DH has gone in with her and slept with her till 5ish. She has woken a few times each night - about every 2 hrs but is going without milk.

This morning DS2 was awake at 4.30am and then DD at 5. So i've been up a while!

DD LOVES nursery. She is a monkey because last Thursday when i was picking her up her key worker (who is bloody lovely and DD adores her) said that she sleeps in their buggy rather than the mats (i knew that) but that when she starts to look tired they wheel it out and she runs over to it and climbs in and they rock it back and forth for a few mins and she goes straight off to sleep.

She wont sleep in the buggy here unless i walk her for miles while she screams for at least 30 mins.

I am going to start taking her swimming and a long walk on Monday mornings to see if i can distract her from me (she just seems to want to sit on me and have bf if we are home). Then there is a good toddler group Tues morning plus long walk home. Weds and thurs morning is nursery and Friday i am going to take her to musical bumps as she loves singing and dancing.

She is talking so much now, her mind seems to be whirring all night. i think i need to do more to tire her. She is so much happier the afternoons after nursery. The other days she is bored as i have been doing other chores and i think she is clingy to get my attention. I've been trying to do things like shopping and washing for fil and batch cooking and cleaning but i think i need to try to do less while i'm with her. i cleaned downstairs 9-11pm last night so i now have this morning free to play with her.

I'm being stricter with feeds too. 1 when she wakes. 1 mid morning. 1 mid afternoon and 1 before bed. i've batch cooked her 2 stodgy favourites (orzo and cauli, broc, spinach cheese and salmon and carrot and pea risotto) and am cramming that into her as well as persevering with porridge for breakfast which she is getting better at if i give it at 9ish rather than too soon after her bf.

Dh asked he could go out Friday night and i said no because he needs to be here to cosleep as he wont sleep train. he didn't think id stick to it and is trying to talk me round. That's not happening!