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Original poster

Anyone want to accompany me while i sleep train DD?

523 replies

MrsKoala · 07/12/2017 13:58

I am starting to sleep train 13mo DD tonight. She has been a terrible sleeper since birth and always co-slept on the boob. I had a consultation with a sleep expert today who has talked me thru a gentle process of sleep training.

I am starting tonight as DH is away for a week from next Thursday, so i want it in place for then. DH is not particularly supportive because he hates them crying (and i love it obviously Hmm ) so it would be great if there was someone who was doing theirs at the same time for a mutual support group!

OP posts:
boodles101 · 21/02/2018 12:39

Well done that's great that you have stopped feeding at night. And well done for getting tough with your DH. He definitely needs to help out so great that you have got him on board.
Sorry to hear about your thumb, hopefully you can get away without the pin though!
We are doing well thanks. DS has stopped his early wakes and typically sleeps til at least 6.30-7 so I think we may have cracked it. His naps are still a bit unpredictable but I'm fine with that as long as he sleeps at night! He has his MMR jabs today so hopefully that doesn't mess things up too much!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 21/02/2018 15:37

Fingers x he doesn't feel too poorly after.

DD is unwell again. l went into the travel agents with her after nursery at 2pm and when i was talking to the lady DD projectile vomitted everywhere. i mean every where. all her lunch. lumps of mince. potatoes. carrots. in my handbag. on the floor. on the desk. the whole buggy was soaked. i had to strip her down and call DH (working from home thank god) to collect us. she's now sleeping with my boob in her mouth and her hand down my bra. sigh. i don't want to be mean if she is poorlyandneeds me, but i don't want to go backwards again. So annoying.

OP posts:
boodles101 · 21/02/2018 16:25

Oh no poor you and your DD. It's awful when that happens, it feels like sick just keeps on coming out! DS was sick on Monday all over the sofa and carpet. I keep waking up at night dreaming that he's being sick in my bed 🤢
It's so hard to know what to do for the best. But maybe if she doesn't have any more vomitting before bed then carry on as normal?

Original poster
MrsKoala · 21/02/2018 20:11

Yeah, i have never seen so much sick. The lady in the shop was shocked and said she couldn't believe so much came out of such a little body.

She's been sick again, while on the boob, all down my bra. But is was just milk. She cries if DH tries to take her from me so i think i will be sleeping with her on the boob tonight. I'm so pissed off. It's like one step forward and 2 back every time.

OP posts:
flightchecker · 21/02/2018 22:03

I just don't know how you're dealing with this level of constant attachment. You're a human comforter for dd to the detriment of your own comfort.

I hope you all get a bit of clear respite from illness (once this bug is out of the way) where you can steel yourselves and break this habit. I don't think she's going to stop willingly any time soon. It might be hard but she will get through it.

Hope you get some rest tonight and dd gets better quickly.

boodles101 · 22/02/2018 08:18

Yeah that's exactly how I felt but I think it will come to a point where you think enough is enough and go all tough love. I think flightchecker is right, she's not going to give up her comfort willingly.
DS spent the night crying out in his sleep every few hours and had slight temp this morning but seemed fined after Calpol and milk.
I took him for lunch yesterday, he wouldn't eat his so we swapped and I ate it instead. I then spent all afternoon/evening with stomach pain and feeling sick (I looked 5 months pregnant again!) Then at midnight I threw up everywhere! No idea what was in the food that caused that but I'm glad I ate it instead of DS!! Feeling crappy this morning

Original poster
MrsKoala · 22/02/2018 19:35

DD stopped being sick at 10pm last night and then slept with my boob in her mouth till 6. Then we got up and she cried every time i put her down while i got the boys ready/to school. Then went back on the boob from 9-1.30 Dozing on and off all morning. Then she seemed to rally, get some colour back and ate half a piece of toast. She has still been clingy all afternoon tho and is really hysterical whenever i try to put her down or do dinner/get boys to bed.

I know her level of attachment is too much but i can't break it. Apparently she is fine when i am not present (so at Nursery, with my Mum, the Nanny etc) but the moment she knows i am there she cries with her arms up. I have tried leaving her - as i have to - otherwise nothing would get done, but she has never got used to it.

I think in Sept i will up her nursery hours to 3 mornings.

OP posts:
SleepQuick · 23/02/2018 16:30

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boodles101 · 24/02/2018 19:01

Hope your DD is feeling better MrsK. Fingers crossed for a reasonable nights sleep for all.

LalaLeona · 27/02/2018 14:06

Have lurked on this post now and again. I'm someone who had a crap sleeper but has come through the other side..all I say to mrskoala is please find a method and stick to it being completely consistent. Your daughter will get really confused if you keep changing your methods. Try and find something you can stick to whether they are ill or not. Best of luck! Xxx

Original poster
MrsKoala · 27/02/2018 19:56

Yes, I think i've decided to give up on sleep training. Im just going to carry on sleeping with her. I feel totally broken today. By all of them. The sound of her constant crying is making me feel like i'm losing my mind. I just want it to stop. I can't do anything in the day. Walking her today in the buggy for an hour she screamed the whole time till i took her out and held her. She just screams and screams till i stop what i'm doing and pick her up and sit on the sofa with her. Then she stops and chatters away happily. I can't bear the sound anymore. I keep saying 'please will you just shut up' I know i shouldn't but i can't help it. It takes me 4 hours to unload the dishwasher. That's literally all I do some days because she screams so much. I feel really on the edge today. It's been such hard work and they've all been horrendous. I hope i'll feel better tomorrow. But i know i don't have it in me to be woken every 30 mins for days. DH doesn't either so he wont help.

OP posts:
LalaLeona · 27/02/2018 20:34

Oh it sounds awful could you wean her..this is what worked for me. I sent dh in to my son to comfort him and just give water. It literally only took a few days before he stopped asking for milk and excepted the water. Then he got bored of the water after some time and started sleeping much better. Or if your dh won't do it could you go but just offer the water? It just sounds like you are having such a terrible time. That way you can still comfort her if she's ill but just give water only...I don't know if that's worth a try? But I do feel for you it sounds like you are being driven bonkers by sleep deprivation like I was Sad

Original poster
MrsKoala · 27/02/2018 20:51

DH is happy to co sleep with her all night. She doesn't need to feed when she is with him. She does keep waking for cuddles and to be settled tho. But he said he'll to do it. What is draining is holding her all evening because she can't be put down. I got her to sleep 30 mins ago and laid her in the bed and we just sat down dinner and 2nd mouthful and she's crying again. DH has gone to her but she isn't settling. Which means one of us will need to lay with her now all night.

OP posts:
gingergenius · 27/02/2018 20:53

@MrsKoala I too had a crap sleeper and completely relate to your plight. All I can say is it dies eventually pass. I know that's not much help but I just wanted to reach out.

gingergenius · 27/02/2018 20:54

Cranial osteopathy did help some btw

Lilizu · 27/02/2018 21:40

Hi, i am thinking about sleep training my 6 1/2 month old boy, he ised to be a good sleep but aince about 5 months wakes every half hour Shock, any advice on whats best has anyone tried controlled crying and does it work, does it have any bad effects on baby’s personality

Thanks

LalaLeona · 27/02/2018 21:47

It does get better a bit naturally I think after they are 2..they seem to just "get" sleeping a bit more by that age..hang in there!

Original poster
MrsKoala · 27/02/2018 22:06

I'm putting off weaning as i don't know how i will do it. She is so dependant on it i can't see how i could stop. I'm a bit scared to. It's the only thing that comforts her.

We tried cranial osteopathy for the boys but it didn't do much - thanks for the suggestion Ginger. SHes fine with everyone but me. I'm tempted to send her to nursery for more time sooner rather than later.

Friday night she screamed so much everyone was awake and downstairs drinking hot chocolate at 2.30am and we didn't get them back to sleep till 4. Then she still woke at 6.45. I at least thought i may get a later start.

Everyone says how happy she is. And she is. As long as she is being held and played with. The moment you try to leave the room or go out of sight like pushing the buggy she screams blue murder. My boys never screamed like this and it really panics me. I feel that sensation that i have to stop it at all costs.

OP posts:
whirlygirly · 27/02/2018 22:30

This sounds like total and utter hell. I honestly think I'd buy a load of ear plugs for you all (and the neighbours!) and some new toys for her and go all out to break the cycle. Put her on a mat near you while you get on with things. Talk to her, soothe her but don't rush to her if she's safe and just screaming for attention. She has learned a great strategy for getting what she wants - she screams and gets played with physically gets to be attached to you.

Much as I loathe to suggest starting a new habit, would she take a dummy or any other self soothing thing do you think? A new blanket or something? Anything to break the habit that it can only be you.

Original poster
MrsKoala · 27/02/2018 22:37

We’ve tried dummies and other comforts but she won’t have them. She won’t stay on a mat or anything and holds my legs screaming. From 4-6 I have her and ds2 (3) hanging off me crying and begging to be picked up and carried.

Ds1 watches the computer while I cook dinner while taking turns holding them both. Dinner is just whatever I can get on the table so breadsticks and sausages and houmous and cucumber.

3-8 is awful.

OP posts:
DrWhy · 27/02/2018 22:45

We still haven’t cracked the sleeping of our 17 month old but I have night weaned him so DH and I can now alternate nights. It’s a bit drastic but what worked for us was me going away for work, it was an 8 day trip and DH brought DS to stay for the weekend so they had 3 nights without me, 3 with then 2 without again. DH offered him a cup of milk and cuddles and co-slept with him, apparently the first night was pretty grim but it improved rapidly, when I was back I only offered the cup of milk and cuddles too. This was about 13 months. Since then he’s still usually up twice a night and gets the cup of milk - we should probably change it to water and see if that helps. About a month ago we started trying to get him to sleep in his cot instead of falling asleep in my arms and having to be transferred, it was hideous for about 2 weeks, over and hour or screaming even while I was leaning into the cot cuddling him, I wanted to give up but DH stood firm and it has worked. He still needs to be stroked and patted as he falls asleep but he goes down in his cot.
Not sure you have a chance of doing anything while you have a poorly baby though.

KimchiLaLa · 27/02/2018 23:13

Yes, I think i've decided to give up on sleep training. Im just going to carry on sleeping with her. I feel totally broken today

That's such a shame Mrs Koala. It seemed that when you were doing it you were making small steps towards progress. Can I ask how old she is btw?

FannyTheFlamingo · 28/02/2018 09:24

MrsK, sounds like you're having a horrible time. My head has been a bit all over the place since the MC and to top that off DP has decided he doesn't want to try again. So things are pretty awkward in the Flamingo house! DD has been sleeping like a dream though, waking once maybe twice a night, sometimes not at all and usually going straight back to sleep. I had 6 hours unbroken sleep the other night, for the 1st time in about 2 yrs! I'm going to message you, MrsK with someone's details who may be able to help you.

@Lilizu I used CC for my DD, but she was 13 months when we started. Personally I think 6 months is too young as they really don't understand what's going on. Others may disagree, but I think with CC you should wait until they have a basic understanding of what you're saying to them and doing.

Lilizu · 28/02/2018 09:56

Okay i did think it was probably too young, thanks

KimchiLaLa · 28/02/2018 10:39

Sorry Mrs K just saw your first post did answer my Q!

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