Cry it out

[FannyTheFlamingo]

Please can someone talk to me about the 'Cry it out' method? I am at my wits end. My relationship is falling apart and I'm so tired I can't see straight. I've tried everything, but my 1 yr old refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms. Last night she didn't go to sleep till 10.30pm after screaming for 2 hours. She used to self settle in her cot up until about 10 months, and now if I as much as show her the cot she goes berserk and if I say the word 'bed' she starts crying. I know there's a few people on here that give really good advice, so I'm hoping someone can help!

I'll just throw my 2 cents in which might not be helpful but with my dd putting her to bed was a struggle- her cot was in our bedroom as we were in a 1 bed at that point and I'd tried controlled crying but it just pissed her off and angered her when I came in and left again. One day I had to sort some things out as I had someone coming to collect them and I'd spent half an hour or so sitting holding her hand through the bars and shhing her when she stirred. I walked out of the room because I was losing my temper, I was a bit at the end of my rope for having tried everything really. I just left and got on with what I needed to get in the cupboard next to the bedroom with the light on and 5 mins or so later I went back to see why she was quiet and she was asleep! So I did the same thing the next night, left but went and banged about a bit so she could hear me and the same thing happened. It took about a week and after that I could just put her down and walk away. In hindsight I was disturbing her by being there in the room snd angering her by leaving her and going back with cc. She needed to know I was leaving but not going anywhere I think, we completely stopped trying to be quiet after leaving the room and I'd go and wash up or put a wash load on straight after putting her down (small flat so she could hear all that) and it worked for us. I know it won't work for every child but I wish I'd realised sooner that my presence was disturbing her from dropping off sooner! I could have saved months of frustration for both of us!

MrsKoala

Haha yes she is. Saved us when we were at our wits end. That said, I can see how lucky we were to have someone so close to DD that she could console her nearly as well as us. I think we could handle it ourselves now as we know it is what the baby will need.

Because i'm cooking dinner/breakfast/lunch Titty. Or changing DS2 bum. Or getting ds1 uniform ready. Or packing lunches. Or doing the laundry....There are many reasons why a 3rd child cannot be picked up immediately.

Are you okay? You just seem to be on this thread to make nasty digs to people. What are you trying to achieve?

Why do I think you’d have to go to bed with a co sleeping baby? Because the previous posters made it sound like you slept with them all night and I assumed if your child wouldn’t go to sleep without crying, you’d stay with them. I breast fed mine to sleep then left them.

Ultimately a reduction in he number of children/teens and adults with severe mental health issues. As you asked.

Bit late but what you said OP about gradually retreating from a screaming baby, is really totally missing the point of gradual retreat. Imo. I know what it's like to have a non sleeper. It's hideous. I did gradual retreat with Ds1 when he was 1. I did everything I could (except pick him up) to prevent crying. It took a while. Weeks. But it worked. No crying. You retreat once they are happy with the step you are at.

Of course if she cries when you put her in the cot, then there will be crying. But you stay and comfort her every time until she sleeps. Once she stops crying at being put in the cot, you comfort a little less but still stay.

She will need an alternative source of comfort. Dummy, teddy etc.

Oh right. Good to know.

SHE'S ASLEEP! Took and hour and a half and she fell asleep kneeling up, holding onto the side. I put her down and put a blanket on her and she woke for a moment then straight back to sleep. I'm going to sleep in her room tonight and see how the rest of the night goes! This thread has given me lots of support tonight, so thank you...well most of you!

Koala - good luck with the sleep consultant, and don't listen to those having a dig.

We ended up doing just "cry it out"; worked for us - took ages to get to that decision but prob would just go for it if had another bubs. Happy babyio now who (mostly) sleeps through the night.

Well done! I hope it continues.

Bloody hell Koala don't listen to any of this judgemental nonsense.

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture "elsewhere".

Sounds to me like you're doing fab with your lot.

@MrsKoala my post was in response to an earlier comment made by the OP. About gradual retreat.

tittygolightly
Bugger of you nasty person

If it’s nasty to want defenceless babies to have their basic needs met and not taught that they will be ignored then sign me up.

If it’s nasty to want defenceless babies to have their basic needs met and not taught that they will be ignored then sign me up.

Me too, where do I sign?

There's a reason sleep deprivation is used as torture "elsewhere".

And there’s a reason that repeatedly ignoring the needs of a person is considered emotional abuse. But as with smacking, MN thinks it’s fine and dandy to do it to babies when you wouldn’t do it to another adult.

And we wonder why society is fucked.

Nottalotta - okay. My response was to Titty. But your post is genuinely good to know! :) (i also asked that question upthread so i wasn't sure if you were answering me anyway)

Have a watch of some videos demonstrating the “still face” experiments, and the reaction of the babies. And that’s when the parent is present but not responding.

@TittyGolightly that’s heartbreaking

MrsKoala - ah OK. I hadn't fully read every post (was getting the baby or sleep and hoping the toddler didn't wake up!)

But re gradual retreat. My toddler was the baby that did not sleep. Until i did gradual retreat he hadoesn't been fed to sleep. Napped on me or in the car/pram/sling. He had NEVER fallen to sleep independently. He wouldn't take a bottle or dummy.

I was so sceptical I put it off for for ages. But it worked. I can't cope with screaming. I was pregnant again by then so even more emotional too. It was a good solution for us.

Titty, you're entitled to your view, but this thread was started to get positive views and advice for CC, not a debate about rights and wrongs. Tonight, it has saved my sanity and my relationship and DD is sleeping more soundly than she has done in weeks.

For fucks sake - A happy, loved child will not develop mental health issues from sleep training! Spouting nonsense like that helps no one, especially parents who are concerned about their child's well being and possibly feeling a bit fragile after months or years of sleep deprivation.

No one, but no one, wants to do cc or takes it lightly. I'm currently working on what's best to do with my bf 21 month old but suspect whatever solution I turn will at some point involve crying. For me and the baby.
Doing nothing is not a long term solution -something has to change. I am worried that cc might make matters worse, I'm worried I'll crack and teach him to just fight harder, I'm worried about hours of upset in the middle of the night. I am NOT worried that it will lead to mental health issues in my child.

I have basic human needs too. Sleep is top of that list at the moment. In order to meet my child's needs I need to meet my own as well.

Who mentioned shagging??