Cry it out

[FannyTheFlamingo]

Please can someone talk to me about the 'Cry it out' method? I am at my wits end. My relationship is falling apart and I'm so tired I can't see straight. I've tried everything, but my 1 yr old refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms. Last night she didn't go to sleep till 10.30pm after screaming for 2 hours. She used to self settle in her cot up until about 10 months, and now if I as much as show her the cot she goes berserk and if I say the word 'bed' she starts crying. I know there's a few people on here that give really good advice, so I'm hoping someone can help!

I've done it with both of mine. Strong bed time routine too. If you want to do it then don't read the negative too much. It made me (more) depressed.

There is absolutely no evidence to support the idea that sleep training is damaging. Leaving a baby to cry for hours on end, yes, but returning at intervals for reassurance, no.

Agree with PP that have said there’s no way you could pick out a 5yo who had been sleep trained.

fanny do what you need to do for your baby and your family. Ignore the martyr brigade out in force today!

There is absolutely no evidence to support the idea that sleep training is damaging

To my knowledge there has been no study into adult mental health and infant sleep training.

So there’s no solid evidence either way.

So there’s no solid evidence either way.
So why be so nasty then ?

Why take the risk?

Fair enough . That's your view

The shagging comment you made was uncalled for though

When are children meant to naturally learn to self settle tho? Is there a normal/average age where they just start to do this if you leave it?

Common in other countries for children to breastfeed for years, share their parents bed for years. They aren’t biologically different creatures - it’s societal expectation that’s different.

Not all babies will sleep in there parents bed .
I tried and dd would never ever settle next to me

It’s not the solution for all. But neither is leaving them to cry.

I just don't like the way it's either
Cio or Co sleep as some kids won't Co sleep .
The middle ground is never mentioned

My 5 and 3 year old still co-sleep (ds1 starts off in his own bed now tho and has his own room - some nights he stays all night and others he wanders in to us - we are happy with that tho) and don't settle themselves. It's the not settling that is hard as they each want someone with them to fall asleep with and i can't be everywhere at once or leave the baby. DS2 goes within minutes tho, but ds1 takes an hour because of his sensory routine. It means he has to wait till 8pm when dh comes home. Things would be better for him if he would self soothe, but he gets very tearful if left alone.

I think the terms cosleeping and bedsharing being confused doesn’t help. Co-sleeping is sharing a room. Doesn’t have to be in the same bed.

Yes and in other countries they have no other choice because they all live in one room. It doesnt mean it's the only way or the right one.

Ok.
Some babies wont bed share then .
Mine wouldn't

I've never heard co-sleeping to mean anything but bed sharing. None of the HVs or Paeds, or sleep consultants have ever used it to mean that.

It’s like people saying gender when they mean sex. It’s not right.

kellymom.com/parenting/nighttime/cosleeping/

That's interesting. Have you got any links where that is said as all i can find is definitions of co-sleeping as a version of bed-sharing. Not room sharing as a definition in its own right. When all the professionals i have spoken to ask about co-sleeping they have never meant do the dc have a bed in the same room as us.

Wiki -Bed-sharing, a practice in which babies and young children sleep in the same bed with one or both parents, is a subset of co-sleeping. Co-bedding refers to infants (typically twins or higher-order multiples) sharing the same bed.

Kidshealth org -Room-sharing and bed-sharing are types of co-sleeping:
Room-sharing: This is when parents have a crib in the room with them; a bassinet, portable crib, or play yard near the bed; or a bedside sleeper attached to the side of the parental bed.
Bed-sharing: This is when parents and infants sleep together in a bed.

x-post

Sorry for derailment OP - just genuinely interested in co-sleeping!

Wiki -Bed-sharing, a practice in which babies and young children sleep in the same bed with one or both parents, is a subset of co-sleeping.

You’ve answered your own question!

A sub-set means it comes under co-sleeping doesn't it?

OP do what is best for your circumstances and family.

I sleep trained using PUPD with a sleep consultant just before my daughter was 6 months old because she refused to nap at all from around 2 months old. She would stay awake for 12+ hours straight many days. Others, I would walk around with a pram for 2+ hours and get a 20-30min nap out of her if I was lucky. She was suffering from lack of sleep, overtired, grumpy, clingy etc. She slept fairly well at night (4 month regression aside) so me resorting to sleep training didn't have anything to do with my lack of sleep. I tried every single thing all the self-righteous co-sleeping attachment parents have suggested - not one of them worked. However, once she started sleeping, life changed for all of us. I had a happy baby all day who was a delight to look after. Her growth accelerated massively too. Lapin hit the nail on the head when she said most cry anyway when they are overtired.

Sleep is still hard work for us in that she only sleeps well in her cot in a dark room with absolutely no stimulation and white noise on. She unfortunately is unlikely to ever be one of those babies that will fall asleep when out and about in the pushchair/car seat because she is tired - she will still stretch herself to stay awake because she is so alert. I've accepted that and my life revolves around her naps as I know I have a happy baby that way.

As a HCP who specialises in paediatrics, I did a lot of research into sleep training (including asking specialists at a leading paediatric hospital) and it's long term effects before starting. There is absolutely no evidence of harm when sleep training. It is still highly encouraged by specialists in many circumstances (and I'm referring to paediatric consultants here with 10+ years training and experience) because of the harm sleep deprivation causes to a child's developing brain.

Be consistent with whatever you do (which you certainly are doing now) and you will get there. If you feel like it may be falling apart, speak to a sleep consultant rather than people on here. Most have best of intentions but multiple opinions confuse the matter even more.

Those on this thread who co-sleep seem to struggle with the basic concept of every child being different. I would happily have also co-slept in those early days for nights and naps if she had settled but she didn't want to sleep that way. Her need for sleep trumped everything else so we had to find an alternate way.

We did cry it out going in at 5, then 10 min intervals. Took three days but has been fine since. It worked for us and if you are at your wits end like I was then I say go for it.
We did it for naps only to start with but has worked at bed time as well.
Good luck OP xx

Tbh in the UK I would say co sleeping means bed sharing. Not one hcp ever used it to mean sleeping in the same room to me.

Even so why would you share a room with a baby over a year old? What benefit to either of you is there?