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Original poster

Cry it out

265 replies

FannyTheFlamingo · 30/11/2017 06:45

Please can someone talk to me about the 'Cry it out' method? I am at my wits end. My relationship is falling apart and I'm so tired I can't see straight. I've tried everything, but my 1 yr old refuses to sleep anywhere but in my arms. Last night she didn't go to sleep till 10.30pm after screaming for 2 hours. She used to self settle in her cot up until about 10 months, and now if I as much as show her the cot she goes berserk and if I say the word 'bed' she starts crying. I know there's a few people on here that give really good advice, so I'm hoping someone can help!

OP posts:
Original poster
FannyTheFlamingo · 04/12/2017 17:54

It's to help my child sleep. It's to help her re establish the ability to settle herself that she was able to do before. It benefits everyone. I haven't had 2 consecutive hrs sleep a night for a year. I'm used to it now. But if I wasn't exhausted all the time, I'd have more energy to play with DD, and we'd definitely go out more. And that's not for my benefit, is it?! The fact that you couldn't breastfeed didn't stop you feeling it necessary to mention that you expressed. Every. Single. Feed. Anyway, this isn't about BF. FWIW DP spends 2 weekends a week with us (and works on Saturdays) and he works 12 hour days, our families live a short plane journey away, not that that has anything to do with my decision to try CC to help my child sleep better.

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 18:35

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
FannyTheFlamingo · 04/12/2017 18:46

What the fuck is that supposed to mean? You're nasty Titty, really nasty.

OP posts:
Algebraic · 04/12/2017 19:01

Titty please just remove yourself from this discussion before things get nastier. Fanny asked for help with CC. You've made it clear you don't approve. We all get that.

windowSong · 04/12/2017 19:30

@FannyTheFlamingo Yes, we stuck with the same method for any night wakings. Worked a treat (with a few bumps in the road!).

To be honest, I didn't bother doing it for the naps. It didn't seem to work in the same effective way, and because we were both back in work full-time at that stage, we were greedy about wanting to cuddle her while she slept during her naps! After a few more months, we just put her down in her cot for naps, and she was very happy to go to sleep.

Well done on sticking with it - it really is a gift to your child - the gift of sleep!

riddles26 · 04/12/2017 19:34

Titty exactly what qualification do you have in child psychology? As you're comments are factually incorrect more often than not and certainly not in line with what is recommended by medical professionals. They also suggest that you are unable to correctly interpret published literature (as wintertravel pointed out earlier).

I say this as a medical practitioner who works in paediatrics and discussed all interventions with experts in their field before going ahead.

riddles26 · 04/12/2017 19:49

Also, I work very closely with child psychologists on a daily basis due to the nature of the specialty I work in. Not a single one has the disgusting judgemental attitude you have despite the complex social situations involved in the families we work with; they extend much further then a well loved and cared for baby being taught how to sleep appropriately.

Makes me strongly question any professional knowledge you claim to have Hmm

TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 19:53

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
FannyTheFlamingo · 04/12/2017 20:02

@riddles26 But she's not a child psychologist is she? She studied it a bit, maybe years ago, so it's unlikely she's talking from a particularly well informed point of view.

OP posts:
riddles26 · 04/12/2017 20:06

Shame your spotless grammar can't make you a decent human being! Especially as my error was due to autocorrect when writing whilst breastfeeding.

So you don't specialise or practise in child psychology yet want others to believe you are commenting as someone with expert knowledge Hmm

FATEdestiny · 04/12/2017 20:08
Wink
Cry it out
riddles26 · 04/12/2017 20:12

@FannyTheFlamingo yep she's made it clear from the next post that she's not a child psychologist and I can tell you with absolute certainty she's not well informed - she's just saying her opinion, not evidence based facts.

Thirtyrock39 · 04/12/2017 20:18

Read about half this thread and I have to say as someone who's job involves children's emotional wellbeing setting boundaries and good quality sleep are vital to good mental health in children so please ignore the guilt merchants trying to scare you. There is a lot of confusion out there about attachment , baby led etc etc... but from a young age children need to know you are their parent and teaching them good sleep habiits is a challenging but very important part of this. We are not talking Gina ford style routines but once the baby is a good weight and eating well helping them to settle themselves - yes there will be some crying - but you are not causing them damage. You will be a calmer , happier parent for a good nights sleep and they will be happier babies. Controlled crying is very effective . The parents on here trying to scare you are sleep deprived and that's why they are coming across so bitter and judgey
Good luck

Thirtyrock39 · 04/12/2017 20:28

As for the night wakings my HV told me to have a time in mind that I wouldn't feed in the night before and then to gradually increase it. I think to start with I would feed them if they woke after 2am and the next night pushed it back a bit. The settling in the evening was the harder ones though and they were much quicker to settle if they woke in the night .

Original poster
FannyTheFlamingo · 04/12/2017 20:31

@riddles26 I studied philology as part of my degree, but it was that long ago, I can barely explain what it is to those who don't know! 😂 I'm hoping someone will start a thread about language so I can pop over and claim to be an expert Wink

OP posts:
TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 21:42

you are not causing them damage

You have absolutely no way to guarantee that.

TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 21:42

The parents on here trying to scare you are sleep deprived

😂😂😂

Sipperskipper · 04/12/2017 21:55

Titty, there is no evidence that CC causes any harm to babies. There is lots of evidence that CC works in supporting babies to sleep independently. You don’t want to do it, which is fine. Others do, which is also fine.

LML83 · 04/12/2017 22:04

Brilliant thread OP. So pleased it all worked out. Well done for handling the judgy comments so politely.

My dd cried for 45 mins - an hour as I tried to sooth her for days. I tried cc, first night was the worst but she was asleep within 10 mins. 3 nights and she was going to bed happily.

She is now 7 and still a great sleeper. It is actually important to learn to go to sleep. Cc isn't for everyone but it can benefit some and is not bad parenting.

InDubiousBattle · 04/12/2017 22:09

Titty I read your previous post before it was, quite rightly, deleted and it was vile. I really think you should examine your motivation in keeping coming back to this thread purely to be unpleasant.

Op, cc does no harm to babies. The absolute worst case scenario is that it doesn't work, the best is that your baby gets more much needed sleep.

TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 22:15

Titty, there is no evidence that CC causes any harm to babies.

There also isn’t any evidence that it doesn’t in the long term.

There is lots of evidence that CC works in supporting babies to sleep independently.

Yes, but maybe they aren’t meant to sleep independently when merely weeks or months old.

TittyGolightly · 04/12/2017 22:20

cc does no harm to babies. The absolute worst case scenario is that it doesn't work, the best is that your baby gets more much needed sleep.

Okay. It hasn’t been examined, and could well be a step too far, but let’s imagone for a moment that the effects of CIO/CC don’t manifest until adulthood. Crying raises cortisol. Cortisol inhibits brain development. On a day to day basis you don’t notice, but once the child faces stressful situations, like exams, or bullying that inhibited development matters. They can’t cope, they slip into depression. It’s a growing problem. This is not an impossible scenario by any means.

It’s not that long ago that cigarettes were thought to be a health product and recommended to pregnant women along with Guinness. We know differently now. Why is it so hard to believe that there might be longer term issues with this kind of “sleep training”?

InDubiousBattle · 04/12/2017 22:33

Because no one with the sense they are born with would argue that crying on and off, being very regularly checked on by a parent, for a couple of nights aged 1 and in the context of a loving home would ever cause mental health problems in later life. Comparing it to drinking alcohol in pregnancy and smoking is just silly.

InDubiousBattle · 04/12/2017 22:37

Seriously titty, the op has decide to go with cc. You don't agree with it - fine, don't do it.

FATEdestiny · 04/12/2017 22:43

Cortisol inhibits brain development

Breastfed babies have higher cortisol levels than bottle fed babies. Ridiculous argument that smacks of desperation Tilly.

But mostly I'd like to marvel at this gem of statement:

there is no evidence that CC causes any harm to babies.

There also isn’t any evidence that it doesn’t in the long term.

FYI there is no evidence that dabbing causes any harm to babies. There also isn’t any evidence that dabbing doesn’t cause harm in the long term.

What the actual fuck?

Cry it out