Why do some people judge co-sleeping so much?

[RedPandaMama]

Particularly my mum, grandmother and other similar age (45-70) adults. I've been told I 'just need to persevere with the cot', that I've 'made a fatal mistake', that 'babies have cots for a reason' and that she'll 'be in my bed til she's 9' like my auntie's daughter.

I'm just getting a bit sick of it to be honest! DD is 10 weeks old and I feel like as my daughter it shouldnt matter to anyone but us where she sleeps! She cries when put down alone in her next to me side sleeper, so we started co-sleeping. And doing this she's got herself into her own sort of routine. It's easy to breastfeed, no more back pain. We both get a tonne of sleep (between 8 and 12 hours) and we're both happy with it. She wants to be near me and I adore sleeping with her.

It's all done extremely safely and she has her own space. Maybe in a few months I'll re-evaluate and obviously it means DP and I have zero intimacy at the moment, but for now it works for us, he doesn't mind, she's so little and if it makes her happy we don't feel we're 'spoiling' her by co-sleeping (another comment I've had!)

Has anyone else experienced this kind of reaction? What do you do to stop it? Or should I just suck it up? I'm just so frustrated!

DrunkOnEther not all cosleepers sleep with little babies. I did not start cosleeping until DD was 6 1/2 months.

I co-sleep with my 18 month old twin girls. Have done since they were about 5/6 months old.
If I didn't, I'd never get any sleep (they are breastfed)
If DH is home (he works away), he is also in the bed. Never had any issues with sex life despite having 2 babies with us in the same bed!

I was a cot only mother in the beginning as my daughter was very small and was scared but she didn’t sleep for more than 30 mins in my arms she had silent reflux and had to be fed hourly day and night for 3 months I was desperate got reflux medication and she slept in a cot for 2 hour s and fed like that for 2 months then she slept in her cot for 3 hours a night until 6 months then she would cry and be distressed so I let her sleep with me and she still does sleep through at 15 months but it’s better than being insane and my DD is happiness is more important than my comfort my husband works nights so I am used to being able to sleep on my own as for sex well I don’t remember what it’s like lol but as he works 7 days a week

I am not saying that this is the case with the OP but I think sometimes people who co sleep, use slings etc attract criticism because they talk about their choices as being the only way or a superior way. That automatically makes people defensive and this can come across as judgemental.

Fuck em OP.
I loved CS with all my babies.
They have turned into very secure and loving people.
Seriously if it makes you happy just do it!

Also don't judge other people for putting theirs in a cot!

Not saying you do this of course, but y'know - everyone's got to do what works for them.

Absolutely Smiled. Pretty much anything to survive the early months. At least that's how it was for me.
DS1 loved the sling but didn't co sleep.
DD hated the sling. Co slept.
And don't even mention the feeding?!

GOD FORBID a man should ever have to go without sex for the good of his wife and child

Not to mention of course that if the man is going without sex then so is his partner.

We co-slept. We wouldn't have got any sleep otherwise.

Obviously this made sex quite impossible so after the first, subsequent children were produced by budding.

Co sleeping with my third child . Why a load of bullshit on this thread as there tends to be about cosleeping . People who get all uppity about it are defensive because they secretly wish they could ignored the stigma and pressures to sleep train or they never had sleep issues and don't understand why parents have to resort to it.

First of all , my older two Co slept and breastfed till 2 . At 3 , they got their own rooms without tears or drama . It took a night or two . They are now tweens and I have not had any issues since they left my bed at 3. They are fiercely independent young women .

Second of all, your sex life doesn't need to suffer and your partner won't cheat because you are co sleeping . Do people really only have sex in bed?

We struggled with dd1 sleeping for a year. In and out of her bedroom, settling, creeping out etc etc. It was hard work. When she was a year old I was pg again and I simply couldn’t do the sleepless nights so eventually we put a double bed in her room and I slept with her. It was brilliant. I actually stayed there for some years. It had much less effect on our sex life than the restless nights did. Ds when he arrived was a much better sleeper and I have never needed to sleep with him. Dd2 was a great sleeper for her first year then it all went to pot and I ended up sleeping with her for some time too. To be honest I found it hard to adjust when they no longer needed me with them. It all seems like such a log time ago and such a short time in their lives. I’m glad I did it. It was the best decision for our family and dh and I are no less close for it.

Changerofname
I don't have much of a problem with co-sleeping with older children. They're generally more robust, aware, and the parents generally slightly less exhausted (/hormonal in the mothers' case). I've never known it be a debate with older children though really. Maybe I move in the wrong circles? The OP talked about a 10wo in any case.

I guess if the reasons people are giving are sex, then my first question would be why does sex always have to be at night, and in your bed?

All four of my children sleep with me, they had their own beds and room but weren’t in their own rooms until 4. At one time I had 3 with me, one at each side and one at the foot of the bed, he was 5 years old (would crawl into my bed during the night. My youngest 4 year old son sleeps with me and sometimes in own room.

My husband has always had his own room, for any intimacy I would just pop into his room. For the 12 year gap between my third and youngest child it was a question of ‘your place or mine’

Slept*, older three in own beds since aged 5. They are now 18,16 and 15.

Sex, intimacy affection doesn’t have to be at bedtime/nighttime.

Safe, planned cosleeping is great.

I fuck my partner on the sofa, in the kitchen, in the bathroom and in the car. No need to worry about our sex life @yesichangedforthis Maybe husbands whose wives only want sex in bed are more likely to "stray"

At ten weeks totally fine ...I coslept with all of mine for all or parts of the first year- aim to get them sleeping on their own by 1 yr though. Sleep is really important and I do think a lot of sleep problems are caused if it's not addressed at the toddler phase but totally fine for babies. My son was always in our bed then when I was ready he transferred over a few nights really easily to the cot - babies are verified adaptable - toddlers and children less so !

I coslept with mine till he was 4months, then he turned into a wriggly monster and in his cot he went, sleeping through not even fussed. I would have quite happily kept him in bed for years to come but he's fiercely independent. Straight up boast but I think he's that way from a combination of his personality and me being by his side constantly for first few months. I disagree with the idea cosleeping creates clingy kids.l think if anything it creates a secure attachment. That being said I'm only going off my experience which I wouldn't generalise to the rest of the population

We co-slept for about 8 months with DS. I don' t think it came up in conversation much. Agree that loads of people ' unofficially' co-sleep anyway. Whatever works for your family.

Sladurche really you think all your sleep problems are due to co sleeping I’d maybe say reading that it was more feeling forced out rather as transitioning of your own accord.

Never ever was my baby ever to close to me and they bf. I always liked that I was able to check their breathing and temp was right and could rectify quickly and with little fuss beside me.

Drunk really though isn’t there normally more to the deaths than just co sleeping or am I wrong? Very rarely is there not at least one other factor involved. The twins would have been tragic I assume it was twins sharing sleep space and one suffocated the other. I wouldn’t say that was safe cosleeping and I would never leave my toddler and baby in bed without me for that exact reason.

To answer the op people judge because it is risky and dangerous to co-sleep with young babies.

Newborns and little ones can’t lift their heads.

It baffles me how adults don’t seem to take into account any thought process regarding the weight and tog of their double/kind sized duvet, or weight of their hand/arm resting over a small baby’s body.

The heat generated with sharing a bed along with above makes it dangerous for a baby.

They absolutely should be put to sleep in a safe place at the side of the bed with lightweight coverings and a breathable safety mattress in a smoke free room.

Aside from the safety element, teaching children to fall asleep independently is important and will make for much happier bedtimes.

@LucieLucie sleeping with a duvet over a baby isn’t safe cosleeping. That is the point. Did you read the whole thread?

The heat generated with sharing a bed along with above makes it dangerous for a baby. you can regulate your baby’s temperature and heartbeat being near them.

It baffles me how adults don’t seem to take into account any thought process regarding the weight and tog of their double/kind sized duvet, or weight of their hand/arm resting over a small baby’s body.

If it is planned co sleeping some in a safe manner they will have considered all of this

Super king size bed 4.5 tog duvet no where near baby, ever. I don’t sleep with hand or arm resting on them, I subconsciously sleep in a weird c shape with my arm above their head and the other at my side this is no where near my normal sleep position.