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Original poster

No Cry Sleep Solution - slowly but surely....

255 replies

chIRIStmasfairybigpants · 15/12/2006 12:06

Shiny new thread (saw your post Bikebug

Not been on for a while as we've been a house full of colds and having new heating installed (the warmth is bliss) so DS has been sleeping in with me again as he couldn't breathe
Progress has still been made though as I've only been bringing him in from about 11ish(because I'm lazy)and he's been waking coughing during the evening but managing to resettle himself quite a lot.

I really think we're getting there (though it maybe his age too )

How's everyone else doing?

OP posts:
iris66 · 11/01/2007 15:38

sorry to see you're still having a nightmare sweetkitty. TBH the pull off didn't work here either - DH doing nights for 10 days did though and DS learning that all he'd get at night was water was the turning point. Good luck

danceswithbaby · 11/01/2007 17:06

Cruisemuml, I haven't had a stretch of sleep longer than 3hrs for 6 months. I don't honestly think any of it really works. It just gives me something to do until things start to resolve naturally. I think it's probably helping my baby move in the right direction though.

Anyway, as I don't believe that crying (controlled or otherwise) is the right approach Ms Pantley, bless her, is all I've got. And whatever bollocks she may be talking, at least that bollocks has sprung from a genuine horror of leaving her babies to cry themselves to sleep and to do something positive about it.

Sorry you're still having such a crap time Sweetkitty.

danceswithbaby · 11/01/2007 17:06

Cruisemuml, I haven't had a stretch of sleep longer than 3hrs for 6 months. I don't honestly think any of it really works. It just gives me something to do until things start to resolve naturally. I think it's probably helping my baby move in the right direction though.

Anyway, as I don't believe that crying (controlled or otherwise) is the right approach Ms Pantley, bless her, is all I've got. And whatever bollocks she may be talking, at least that bollocks has sprung from a genuine horror of leaving her babies to cry themselves to sleep and to do something positive about it.

Sorry you're still having such a crap time Sweetkitty.

sweetkitty · 11/01/2007 17:10

I think DD2 will be the same, no boob at night so no reason to wake up - that is the theory anyway. Still loads of cuddles though and minimised crying. She does settle so much quicker for DP though whereas me she pulls at my top and gets so angry at no boob.

cruisemum1 · 12/01/2007 08:46

well! last night I gave did the feed/ bath/ bedtime routine as usual, put him to bed at 7pm - as usual. he woke around 2 hrs later, as usual, and again shortly after that, as usual and then nothing. He stirred a couple of times during the night and grizzled/shuffled about but settled himself!- then not a peep until 5.10am this morning! I feed him, put him back in his cot and nothing till 7am! I, on the other hand, woke hourly in anticipation of another sleepless night but I am sooooo happy that I know he can do it like he was before . I think he has had a sore throat as a spin off of his cold as he is quite hoarse and still snuffly. Now the advice I have read is not to feed him during that 'core sleep' again. Whadya reckon??? Very happy mummy today!

sweetkitty · 12/01/2007 22:09

Right tonights the night (may start a separate thread) no more boob in the night. DP has put the 4th side of the cot up and she will no longer be able to get to me in bed. DP is doing the night shifts for the first few nights so no nightfeeds.

We are doing a baby whisperer PU/PD type of thing to try and soothe her back to sleep without crying (couldn't handle crying).

Will let you know how it goes keep everything crossed for me..............

sweetkitty · 13/01/2007 07:41

Last night went as follows: BF to sleep at 8pm, took up to her cot, woke twice before 11pm but DP settled her quickly.

11.22pm woke DP shhed, patted, cuddled, rubbed her back, she screamed the place down, the minute he picked her up she would stop then on the way back down would start again, we thought picking up was worse actually so he just patted her in the cot. It was totally horrendous to be honest, kept telling myself this is the worst night and it's for the best. She eventually went to sleep at 12.42am (can you tell I was clock watching?) and that was her until 6.10am this morning.

Feel quite positive this morning (must be the first stretch of 5 hours sleep I've had in a long while) OK it was bad listening to her but she wasn't abandoned, she wasn't hungry or in pain and she managed without a feed. Hopefully things will get better now, DD1 slept through the whole thing (am just about to go and wake her oh the contrast). Am still keeping all the NCSS pre bedtime routine stuff though as I think it's excellent advice. Feel about posting my experiences on here as I've failed with NCSS and am now doing what it is against.

cruisemum1 · 13/01/2007 08:57

sweetkitty - don't feel bad. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.....

sweetkitty · 15/01/2007 15:05

Progress so far: Saturday night Dp's "shift" up her usual 11pm, 2am, 4am and 6am settling her back to sleep took from 5-20 minutes. When she pulls herself up we tell her night night and put her back down (usually met by more screaming) but eventually she settles back down.

Last night was my first "shift" was about the same as Saturday night 4am was the hardest she got back to sleep in about 20 minutes but got back up about 10 minutes later for another 20 minutes. Think she might have been cold too as we've not been putting her in her sleeping bag recently but will start again from tonight.

Her awakenings don't seem to be much different from when she was using the boob to fall back asleep and it some ways it's better as she isn't in beside us anymore so we don't get punched/kicked in the night and theres more room in the bed.

sweetkitty · 17/01/2007 15:44

Last night she went to sleep at 8pm, woke up briefly at 2am had a moan and went back to sleep, same again at about 5am, that was her until 8am today I, of course, was up several times in the night and had to just check her for breathing, crazy isn't it? I've also put a small soft pillow in with her and she likes snuggling up to it and I think it's fine at a year anyway.

So I can see a bit of light at the end of the tunnel now. When she is wakening up usually she is settled back quickly now which is easier than BFing and not cosleeping is helping us all I think get a better nights sleep although I do love cosleeping but she is such a fidget these days no one was benefitting.

It's very quiet around here, I hope you are all sleeping!

danceswithbaby · 17/01/2007 20:21

No such luck, Sweet Kitty. It's one RSN after another.

I'm glad things seem to be working out for you though.

Where is everybody??

cruisemum1 · 17/01/2007 21:54

I'm here. ds still waking at night but I ahve made myself resist the urge to bf at every waking and it is getting better. The last two nights when he has woken around 5/6 I have left him and he grizzles/grunts/blows off and goes back to sleep. Surely if he can do thsi at that time he can do it at others

cruisemum1 · 17/01/2007 21:55

DWB- what Is RSN??

danceswithbaby · 18/01/2007 14:20

A Rite Shite Nite!

sweetkitty · 18/01/2007 16:09

You will never guess what?????

She slept from 8-8 last night not even a whimper and she has a cold. I cannot believe it trying not to get excited as it is probably a one off but shows she can do it. Of course I woke about twice just to check she was still breathing!

I think it's the same thing as Iris, boob refusal. This was a baby who this time last week was up every 2 hours feeding. Last night was lovely put them both to sleep at 8, DP and I watched the whole of a movie then went to bed, I was up before them both this morning. Shows you what life should be like doesn't it?

Big hugs to everyone else the only reason I did boob refusal is that she is practically a year old so I knew it wasn't hunger and being a bit older I knew she could handle a bit of crying, I don't think I could have done it at 6 months though.

danceswithbaby · 18/01/2007 17:12

That's brilliant news for you SweetKitty, I'm glad things have worked out for you and you are happy

My dd will be one in about 4 weeks and unfortunately I couldn't handle crying any more now than I could 6 months ago, so it's still NCSS for us.

On the positive side, she threw in a 5 hour stretch of sleep last night! Things fell apart after that at about 2.30am until she woke for the day at 6.45am, but it's the first time she's done 5 hours since she was about 4 months old. So maybe things are looking up. Last month I was still hankering after 3 hours of sleep and she regularly does that now.

tiredandgrumpy · 18/01/2007 20:10

Good to hear of everyone's progress. I'm been following this thread for some time without actually doing anything about solving dd's sleep problems. I guess I have been trying to put her into her cot before she was completely sparko and have tried the 'Pantley pull-off'. The single biggest difference to her sleep came after she cut her first 4 teeth - which all came as quite a rush in December. Now she's a changed girl and will accept being put into her cot. She has even slept all through the night on a few occasions recently.

I guess what I'm saying is that even time makes a difference. I wouldn't have predicted the teething, but it was clearly making her uncomfortable long before teeth appeared.

Also, I do remember clearly from ds that he started reliably sleeping through once we'd stopped bf (his choice at 11 months). He simply had nothing to wake up for - prior to that I'd bf him to sleep whenever he woke. For this reason I'm not imposing anything on dd, but hoping that once she decides to stop bf, her sleep may also improve. Can you tell I'm a very passive mum? Complete sucker for my kids!

sweetkitty · 18/01/2007 20:23

DWB - don't get me wrong I thought I couldn't handle the crying, I mean at 6 months I didn't know if she was still hungry and needed milk in the night so I still gave her it. With what we did she was never left alone she just wasn't fed, she was cuddled, rocked, patted and sshhed back to sleep. I reasoned that a few nights crying whilst she got angry at not getting a boob was worth it for all of us I really do.

I agree with TAG that they do learn that if theres nothing to get up for then they don't bother, it's just the time has come for me to stop the nightfeeds out of sheer desperation and the pull off didn't work for us, I think if DD2 had self weaned she would be about 5 she's such a boob fiend. Does sound like your LOs are going in the right direction as well I feel so much more human getting a goods nights sleep and having a night with DP instead of waiting on the cries from upstairs. Miss the closeness of cuddling up to her cosleeping though

DetentionGrrrl · 18/01/2007 20:31

i've not chipped in for a while. I don't even know if i'm following the book anymore- i feel quite disillusioned with it all after the lack of progress and Pantley's crap email reply.

I don't leave DS cry, never have, never could. Daytime naps are more consistent and in his cot, which is good. The night before last was incredible- he went to sleep at 6.30pm, woke at 12.30 and took some water, but wanted milk. Gave milk, went to sleep until 5.45am!! (I got up a few times to check he was ok as not waking up!) Last night was dreadful- woke 4 times, twice for upto an hour.

Looks like his teeth are playing up again, so i have no idea what to expect tonight. The progress i have made is offering a cuddle, if that's not enough water, if that's not enough milk. He's wanting less feeding at night as a result.

danceswithbaby · 19/01/2007 14:32

SweetKitty, please don't think I was being judgmental. God, I'm in no position to judge anyone. Everyone's circumstances are different and every child is different. It's all very well for me to say I'm not going to let my baby cry, but I don't have another child who needs my time and attention. Also DH can work from home most of the time, which takes the pressure of me enormously. Yes, we'd love to get our evenings back to ourselves again but we had been married 19 years when dd came along (what a shock), so I guess a few more months won't hurt us. Unlike your little girl, mine doesn't eat very well at all so stopping b/f at this point would have a huge impact on her (and me! I'm not ready to stop yet either). I'm genuinely pleased that you've found a solution that works for you. You've done bloody well to keep going for almost a year.

DG, I can understand your disillusionment with NCSS. As I've said before, I don't believe it is a 'solution' at all. But she has got some nice ideas to help babies move towards better sleep. For me it's just a way to feel I'm helping things along until (fingers crossed) things improve of their own accord. Lots of crying really isn't the right approach for us and good old Pantley's the best I've found.

sweetkitty · 19/01/2007 15:52

Sorry DWB I'm just a wee bit sensitive when saying I let her cry as I was totally against it too. I don't even like let her cry as we didn't just shut her in a room and let her scream herself to sleep. She was comforted throughout and to be honest apart from that first night of 1h 20 mins the rest of the time it was surprisingly easy I think once she realised there was no boob anymore she settled quite quickly. Your story of 19 years then your DD sounds lovely too if DD2 had been my first I'm sure it would have been a whole lot easier than having a toddler needing me too.

I'm still BFing morning and evening and have been finding I'm really enjoying it again.

Last night she slept right through again

I thought a lot of Pantley's book made a lot of sense, the nightime routine, introducing a lovey etc are great ideas we just fell at the final hurdle, the pull off never ever seemed like working and after a year I needed to get some sleep. I think it has benefitted the whole family, DP and I are getting more sleep and DD2 has learned to sleep by herself but if she wakes and needs us we are there for her.

I do think you can read a few books and cherry pick the best bits to work for you and your baby.

kittypants · 20/01/2007 15:47

sweetkitty sounds like youre doing fab!its me moljam- i changed my name.i half gave up on ncss but continued what id learnt about routines etc.we gave up cosleeping and i decided something had to change as my lack of sleep is affecting my parenting.like you weve decided to do cross between ncss and pu/pd but ive got the last step of removing the bottle which hes waking atleast 6 times a night for and falling asleep with.do you fancy a new thread for ncss/pu/pd sort of thing???we like you are in room with baby but something had to change.

cruisemum1 · 20/01/2007 18:43

kittypants/sweetkitty - if you do a new thread - I will follow you with interest!

kittypants · 21/01/2007 12:42

ok what do we call it?i hope no one minds but i guess if weve tried ncss and found a mix of that and something else is working better for us then thats got to be a good thing!

danceswithbaby · 21/01/2007 15:22

You guys going to leave me all alone, talking to myself here?

Call the thread something less specific, about kinder ways to get babes to sleep all night or something, then I can join too!