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Original poster

DH is doing CC...

191 replies

CoodleMoodle · 23/05/2015 19:52

Or a version of it, anyway. I don't quite know what he's doing.

We're on our knees with DD and her almost 15 months of crap sleep - last night up every hour near enough, including an hour where I had to rock her back to sleep in the chair. DH is up there now, trying CC because I'm just not strong enough.

I've rocked her to sleep nearly every night since she was tiny, and right now she's in her cot, moaning and shouting, likely wondering where her Mum is and what the hell is going on. She was singing but now she's just crying, getting more and more worked up, and I don't know what's going to happen.

Sometimes she'll settle with shh/pat if she wakes in the night but she's never done it to actually fall asleep, and I just can't see it happening now. She's slept through the night a few times but for three months solid we've had absolutely horrific sleep, and it just has to stop before we collapse.

Her eating is crap (pretty much nonexistent, today) and her sleeping is worse. She's still in our room because having to get out of bed 20 times per night was bad enough, traipsing across the hall was torture. We did that for three nights at the start of the year until I cracked and brought her back in. I know this was stupid but I was struggling so much. She can be so happy but she's so tired and grumpy and so are we.

I want DH to succeed, but I'm not feeling positive. I should turn the monitor off and not listen but I can't help it.

I want to go up there and just rock her to sleep like I always do. Tonight is going to be so awful, and I'm just so bloody tired.

OP posts:
fortunately · 25/05/2015 10:09

ThanksBrewThanks Well done Coddle and Coddle's dd Smile

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 10:10

Yes, DD likes boundaries and structure. I think I mentioned that she was so much happier when we brought a little routine in for her, and we've stuck rigidly to it since we started, changing it slightly as she's grown. We're all happier knowing the same things happen at the same times, especially bedtime!

Poor DD hasn't had much luck - reflux, CMPA, gastroenteritis leading to temporary lactose intolerance, constipation, lack of interest in food... All of them managed in the necessary ways but sleep was the one thing we couldn't crack. I'm not thinking this is it and sleep will be perfect from now on, but it's a positive start.

OP posts:
Kewcumber · 25/05/2015 10:50

Well done mini-Coodle

Thanks confused it is a bit irritating at times. Of course all things are on a spectrum and I'm not keen on CC in very young babies - I just wouldn't take the risk unless the damage to your mental health of them not sleeping is greater than the risk of using CC. I also think it shouldn't be tried for too long ie weeks rather than months.

But leaping from 2 weeks of CC to children with attachment and bonding issues is a stretch.

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 11:34

I've just put DD in her cot for her nap. She screamed at first but I shushed until she calmed, then stood outside her door timing 1 min. She cried the whole time, but I waited and then went back in. Same thing, but two minutes.

I think she's asleep already. I'm almost scared to check. Just heard a thump of the cot bars but that might be her turning over and kicking them. She just groaned as well.

OP posts:
gaslamp · 25/05/2015 11:51

Well done mini Coodle ??

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 13:44

Totally amazed by this. She just slept for 2hrs! Normally she starts crying after 1.5!

I feel like this is all too easy and she's going to be a monster tonight! I can't believe it's worked so well.

OP posts:
QueefOfTheDamned · 25/05/2015 13:54

It is true that sleep breeds sleep! Well done you and mini Coodle. It's great that you're seeing results so quickly. CC may not suit every child but it definitely works for some.

confusedandemployed · 25/05/2015 15:36

I'm so pleased for all the Coddles! Fantastic progress. I hope she continues to do well tonight Flowers

Strokethefurrywall · 25/05/2015 15:40

Nope, it is this "easy" (in the nicest sense of the word given the emotional trauma we go through when listening to it!)

Once they realise they can put themselves, then they remember how to and do it straight away. Which is why there are fewer middle of the night wakings after the initial screaming on the first night.

She may put up a little fight this evening, but I reckon she'll just lie down and sleep after 20 minutes or so. And tomorrow night will be even quicker!

Well done, it's a bitch of a hurdle to get over when listening to them cry but I consoled myself with the knowledge that I was teaching them a valuable skill of self soothing.

And it's something you can revisit at stages as they get older, when they have something that disrupts their routine. Both DS's thrive on very strict bedtime routine, they like knowing each stage that's coming.

BrianButterfield · 25/05/2015 16:25

I think it will be easier tonight. It usually only takes 2-3 nights, which is why I get a bit eye-rolly at the hysterics about bonding. We're talking less than a week of some crying, not being left alone in a room all day every day for months on end. And to be perfectly honest, the subsequent children of even the most attachment of parents will probably end up being left to cry sometimes, because even with slings and the closest of attention being paid there will be some times when one child is crying (safely) in a room somewhere while you are dealing with something that Must Be Done. Usually a potty-training poo emergency.

honeyandfizz · 25/05/2015 16:39

Ah well done for sticking with it. I remember doing this with dd who is now 11, she has zero recollection of it and it took just 3 nights for her to get the hang of it. I was 6 months pregnant with ds so things had to change!

TakeMeUpNorthMountain · 25/05/2015 19:43

Congratulations Coddles! What a clever little girl you have there! Best of luck for tonight.

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 19:52

Ahhh, I don't know what to do!

I put DD in her cot, sang and said goodnight as I always do. She was crying so I shushed, then left when she calmed. She cried for a minute, I went back in. Halfway through the two minutes she went quiet and I thought that was it. So I left it for another couple of minutes, then went in to check and turn the white noise off. She was shuffling about so I turned and snuck out again.

Now she keeps groaning every few minutes and I have no idea if she's asleep or not! If I go in and she's awake or wakes up, do I start again at 1 min? Or shall I go downstairs and see if she cries? I wanted to turn the white noise off...

OP posts:
fortunately · 25/05/2015 19:55

No leave her!

Moaning and groaning = fine

You can't force her to sleep, you are teaching her to settle ie to remain calm and quietish in bed. As long as she's calm, leave her. She'll drop off

Xx

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 20:00

She started crying so I went in and shushed her, left when she calmed and waited for 1min. Now doing 2mins and she's groaning/almost singing but not crying, so I'm going to wait and see if she cries, even if the two minutes are up. Is that right?

OP posts:
Needsweetstosurvive · 25/05/2015 20:00

You need to wait at least 10 mins after they go quiet to make sure they are in a deep sleep. I usually check on my DS after 15 mins of silence.

Needsweetstosurvive · 25/05/2015 20:01

Yes, don't bother going in unless it is a proper 'I'm not going to settle until you pop back in again' cry!

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 20:08

Quiet for five minutes and now screaming her head off. I knew tonight wasn't going to be as easy as last night...

OP posts:
fortunately · 25/05/2015 20:09

I don't go back in at all unless she's giving me the "get the fuck in here right now" cry.

Quiet = content, so do not disturb! Too many times I've been tempted to stick my head round the door, which has reminded her I'm potentially available for fun and games - cue sobbing!

fortunately · 25/05/2015 20:10

Keep calm, if she's crying go in when you feel comfortable.

I never timed it, I just went in as soon as I felt I needed to, and left her if she was quiet.

Stay strong, you'll get there x

Needsweetstosurvive · 25/05/2015 20:12

You have come this far so keep going. To honest, I don't really time how long I leave my little one - if he is crying I will stay and calm him down then leave. If he starts up again straight away I will go and calm him down again. Although, I very often don't have to go in again but I don't like to leave him as he stands up and rattles the bars!

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 20:16

She's going full on end-of-world style every time I leave the room. She didn't go for this long last night.

I think timing it is helping me though, because I won't let myself go in before the time is up.

OP posts:
fortunately · 25/05/2015 20:18

I used to sit in the corner of the room on the iPad when dd was like that. Then a gradual retreat. If she's really going for it and you're not getting that one or two minute quiet period to leave the room.

Or, if you think you can away with it, sit just outside the door.

rootypig · 25/05/2015 20:21

I think that the timings (which is Ferber idea, and I've read his book) can actually teach the child that they need to cry for longer to get the parent to come in. We amended it to going in as soon as she was upset and staying until she was calm, which worked well for us. Gradual retreat is another version of this thinking, which is about avoiding setting up a situation where your chid is crying for you on the basis that you won't come for a while, but eventually you will.

Hope that makes sense, came out a bit garbled Confused

Needsweetstosurvive · 25/05/2015 20:24

When my DS gets like that I stay in the room and shush every time he starts up then stop when he calms down but I don't leave until I know he is calm enough to not start up again. It might make it more confusing for everyone though if you deviate from the plan now. Hat off to you, I could never do CC although entertained the thought a few times!