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Original poster

DH is doing CC...

191 replies

CoodleMoodle · 23/05/2015 19:52

Or a version of it, anyway. I don't quite know what he's doing.

We're on our knees with DD and her almost 15 months of crap sleep - last night up every hour near enough, including an hour where I had to rock her back to sleep in the chair. DH is up there now, trying CC because I'm just not strong enough.

I've rocked her to sleep nearly every night since she was tiny, and right now she's in her cot, moaning and shouting, likely wondering where her Mum is and what the hell is going on. She was singing but now she's just crying, getting more and more worked up, and I don't know what's going to happen.

Sometimes she'll settle with shh/pat if she wakes in the night but she's never done it to actually fall asleep, and I just can't see it happening now. She's slept through the night a few times but for three months solid we've had absolutely horrific sleep, and it just has to stop before we collapse.

Her eating is crap (pretty much nonexistent, today) and her sleeping is worse. She's still in our room because having to get out of bed 20 times per night was bad enough, traipsing across the hall was torture. We did that for three nights at the start of the year until I cracked and brought her back in. I know this was stupid but I was struggling so much. She can be so happy but she's so tired and grumpy and so are we.

I want DH to succeed, but I'm not feeling positive. I should turn the monitor off and not listen but I can't help it.

I want to go up there and just rock her to sleep like I always do. Tonight is going to be so awful, and I'm just so bloody tired.

OP posts:
Ratbagcatbag · 24/05/2015 20:24

Fingers crossed she's down for you for the night.

I had a crap sleeper of a dd, and it was 18 months before she stopped waking every couple hours. I didn't do cc as I couldn't, but I did get a sleep expert in and a couple of things may help you even now. We had a key word which meant it was sleep time, so we use "sleepy time" if she wakes in the night, nothing else, it made her cross to start with but now she knows that she won't get any conversation or anything else so settles back really quickly. We also found the gro clock a godsend, but your dd may be too young.
Good luck. X

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 20:27

Thank you. We feel mean but definitely know it's time for her to learn. I hope it sticks.

The night wakings are my main worry, really. I think we're going to do the same, even though it'll be hideous. With any luck she'll be half asleep and it won't be so bad.

That's me saying that now, though. Expect a sobbing post at 2am!

OP posts:
RightSideOfWrong · 24/05/2015 20:28

Wahey, excellent work! Stick with it. I hope she stays asleep for you, but if she doesn't, remember the plan. You can do this. This time next week, you'll be refreshed and wondering how you ever coped before tonight.

Grewupinafield · 24/05/2015 20:31

Coodle don't listen to those who say it's cruel. You have made the decision to use a certain method to sleep train and if it works, then job well done!! Neither of my ds's would co-sleep, ever, they wanted their own bed. We did CC and every so often have to re do it, although that is rare.

CC is not the same as the cry it out method, you do comfort your child, you just don't get them out of their bed and you extend the time between going into them.

I am so pleased your dd is asleep! I hope that it gets easier for you all

jazzandh · 24/05/2015 20:32

Another one here who says stick with it.

DS1..I pandered to......sat with him in the night for hours...did gradual retreat etc....at 2.5y decided one night enough was enough and did CC. He learned quickly and has slept brilliantly ever since......

DS2 6 years later - there was no way i was getting into the same cycle...so at 12 months when I established he was no longer waking for a feed in the night (he settled fine at bedtime) I actually went one stage further than CC and did the dreaded Extinction method...where you just leave them to it.

MY reasoning was, that actually CC seems to prolong the agony....you go in and leave and they start all over again.....

1 night DS cried for 40 minutes. That was it. It was awful...but he has never done that again. He is secure...loving....if he wakes now in the night he calls out or comes in to us...and gets a cuddle and put back to bed...but he goes back to sleep with no trouble at all. He loves his bed!

It is a skill that some need to learn..and they are better rested for it.

Good luck.

Nolim · 24/05/2015 20:36

I had to use cc with my baby. No regrets.

Chips1999 · 24/05/2015 20:39

Ignore the people telling you it's cruel, I don't think it is cruel. You've obviously tried everything else and you and she need sleep, being exhausted all day is cruel.

Anecdotal I know, but DM did this with me as I didn't sleep through the night until I was well over 2 years old and we have a strong bond! The doctor told her to do it so she did and then I started sleeping through the night with a week. I love sleep now and would happily sleep 12 hours a night Grin

BrianButterfield · 24/05/2015 20:44

I did CC with both my DC and believe me, they have no problems reporting if they're poorly or need something in the night! But they also sleep well the rest of the time.

Psippsina · 24/05/2015 20:45

I don't think I'll say anything much on this thread, but just to register that it is never necessary to do this and I think it's very sad that people feel they have to.

I hope your dd understands what's going on, you do not need to fix her, she is just a baby and would learn to sleep well whether you did this or not.

Makes me very sad to read it. I'm going to hide the thread, and wish you well.

MrsJacksonAvery · 24/05/2015 20:52

I used CC with my 6mo as I was a single parent, working full-time and was dead on my feet. 5 nights of hell but slept well since (now 4.11). Remember, every time you crack, you're starting from the beginning. Keep strong.

fortunately · 24/05/2015 20:53

Ignore the martyrs OP and good luck for tonight.

My dd had to learn that nighttime is for sleeping and not playing/screaming/acting up.

At 8 months I went back to work and at 9 months my exp left. Believe me I cottoned on pretty quick to the fact that my sleep was as important (or more so) than hers. I have to work and provide for the family and I'm not going to be able to do that if I'm pissing about all night with a baby who doesn't fancy sleeping.

I now have a 2 year old who goes down like a ton of bricks at 7pm and sleeps for 12 hours.

Do not let your baby hold you hostage over sleep. She is not crying because she's cold, or hungry, or wet or whatever. She's crying because she doesn't want to sleep and she will have to learn that she has no choice.

It's all very well saying "kids are like that" but when it's your mental health and your job which suffers you need to put your foot down.

jazzandh · 24/05/2015 20:55

All I can say to needing to fix them is...that DS2 benefited from at least a year more of decent quality sleep compared to DS1 who had broken nights where he would be awake for hours at a time (that he didn't sleep in for the next morning) and grumpy days following these.......

So potentially unpleasant for all concerned in the short term....but hugely beneficial, I would say, healthwise for all once it has worked. (mainly for the DC involved)

StepfauxWife · 24/05/2015 20:56

CoodleMoodle I really hope it works - now that you've started, I think you've got to carry on. Hope you start to see an improvement soon.

This isn't the place to be debating the pros and cons of this kind of sleep training. Like all parenting decisions, they are very specific to the parents and to the baby.

I completely understand what you're going through - I had a very similar first night with my DD and 22 months on, I still feel the guilt every now and then. DD has been a good sleeper but went through a tricky phase when she was around the same age. We used a form of gradual retreat and it was the hardest but best thing we did.

You must be so worn out - physically and emotionally - from such little sleep. I found this blog post helpful, it might be worth a read:

noobmommy.com/2008/11/to-ferberize-or-not-to-ferberize.html

Good luck!

Atenco · 24/05/2015 20:57

Go for it, OP, there is nothing cruel about it at all and I'm sure there is no evidence whatsoever that this causes any kind of trauma, we human beings are a lot stronger than that.

Ubik1 · 24/05/2015 20:58

I agree fortunately

Sometimes something's got to give...co-sleeping just resulted in no one getting enough sleep. Everyone exhausted.

QueefOfTheDamned · 24/05/2015 20:58

You want to know what's cruel? Sleep deprivation. That's why it's a commonly used torture device. At the minute, all 3 people in Coodle's household are suffering it. That's not doing anyone any favours.

fortunately · 24/05/2015 20:59

I find the idea that there are 16 and 17 year old kids out there wrecking bus stops and taking drugs because their parents used controlled crying unintentionally hilarious Grin

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 20:59

Again, thank you all Thanks

I'm actually feeling okay. Thought I'd be terribly upset but I'm not - probably just desperation! I want her to be the happy, lovely baby who gets the most out of her day that she is when she's had a 'good' sleep. She hasn't properly slept through for months and months, I can't remember what it's like!

I refuse to let the naysayers get me down about this. I know this is the right thing for our family, and I know that in a week or so it won't even be an issue. It's an emotive subject and I get that, but it's not done out of spite or wanting DD to grow up quickly or gain independence, or anything like that. It's about all of us being happy, well and sane!

OP posts:
fortunately · 24/05/2015 21:00

Yes Ubik I'm confused as to how getting kicked in the face all night by a toddler is meant to improve sleep.... Smile

SausageBaconCrackling · 24/05/2015 21:02

You're doing so well, bugger anyone who comes to hoik their judgy pants at you, they don't know you!

For what it's worth, we did CC with ds1 and ds2 - both fab sleepers. We read up on how "cruel" it was for ds3 and he's nearly 4 and never ever fucking sleeps alone. DD has been CCd this week and it was the best thing. You're teaching her a life skill and staying sane - uber parenting points to you and DH! ;)

lovemyboo · 24/05/2015 21:04

Just wanted to give words of encouragement too. My DS1 was an amazing sleeper from the beginning but DS2 was terrible, after three and half years I did CC a few months ago.... I wish I had done it much sooner, can you imagine three and a half years of broken sleep??? Honestly it is such hard work but stick to your plan, keep reminding yourself of the plan throughout the night and support one another. Consistency is the key!

Good luck, it will get better! xx

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 21:05

Well, if DD grows up to be a violent thug then at least we'll know it was definitely all down to us trying to help her sleep by herself!

OP posts:
MNHQ
EmmanuelleMumsnet · 24/05/2015 21:10

[ahem] Just a reminder that if there's anything we could all do with, it's a bit of moral support.

Good luck OP - I can empathise with the sleep deprivation, and as other posters have told you, it will get better Flowers.

nameschanger · 24/05/2015 21:11

Can I ask, what do you do if baby stands up? Do you leave them, or lay them down? X

Nolim · 24/05/2015 21:12

I wish Psippsina had stayed longer in this theead and enlighten us with her judgment wisdom !