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Original poster

DH is doing CC...

191 replies

CoodleMoodle · 23/05/2015 19:52

Or a version of it, anyway. I don't quite know what he's doing.

We're on our knees with DD and her almost 15 months of crap sleep - last night up every hour near enough, including an hour where I had to rock her back to sleep in the chair. DH is up there now, trying CC because I'm just not strong enough.

I've rocked her to sleep nearly every night since she was tiny, and right now she's in her cot, moaning and shouting, likely wondering where her Mum is and what the hell is going on. She was singing but now she's just crying, getting more and more worked up, and I don't know what's going to happen.

Sometimes she'll settle with shh/pat if she wakes in the night but she's never done it to actually fall asleep, and I just can't see it happening now. She's slept through the night a few times but for three months solid we've had absolutely horrific sleep, and it just has to stop before we collapse.

Her eating is crap (pretty much nonexistent, today) and her sleeping is worse. She's still in our room because having to get out of bed 20 times per night was bad enough, traipsing across the hall was torture. We did that for three nights at the start of the year until I cracked and brought her back in. I know this was stupid but I was struggling so much. She can be so happy but she's so tired and grumpy and so are we.

I want DH to succeed, but I'm not feeling positive. I should turn the monitor off and not listen but I can't help it.

I want to go up there and just rock her to sleep like I always do. Tonight is going to be so awful, and I'm just so bloody tired.

OP posts:
fortunately · 24/05/2015 21:14

As long as they aren't in any danger I would leave them to it. Any interaction just encourages them and my philosophy was "I can't make you sleep, but I can damn well make you let me sleep". Playing in her cot/in the bedroom is acceptable in my view - as long as they don't wake me up!

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 21:15

Ah, personally I have no worries with the standing as DD can't get to her feet by herself! She can't get to a seated position either. But she can walk independently... She's a conundrum Wink

OP posts:
TakeMeUpNorthMountain · 24/05/2015 21:17

Goodness, cannot believe some of the stuff posters are saying on here! Psychological damage, are you kidding me?!

Well done to you and your DH, OP, and good luck for the rest of the night. Be consistent with your approach next time she wakes - so keep going in to reassure her that you're there but increase the timings between each reassurance. She'll get the hang of it so much faster if you're consistent.

fortunately · 24/05/2015 21:19

Coodle I was alerted to the fact that dd had learned to pull herself to standing when I went into her bedroom one evening and she had climbed out of the cot and onto the nightstand. Oops Blush

Noggie · 24/05/2015 21:26

Just wanted to say stay strong - sleep deprivation is torturous ... That relentlessness of broken sleep is horrific.

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 21:31

Fortunately, I expect the same sort if thing will happen to us as well! She's currently on the lowest setting in the cot, in a sleeping bag with an airwrap bumper. Minimising the chances of her doing so, but still not impossible!

OP posts:
IPityThePontipines · 24/05/2015 21:32

I hope all the guiltrippers on here aren't driving or in massively responsible jobs.

I would also like to see peer-reviewed, longitudinal studies proving c.c causes harm.

Not all children can co-sleep, both of mine would've detested it and become sleep-deprived horrors.

Potty-training is hard for children, learning the existence of the word "no" is hard for children, yet they are skills they need to learn. Sleep is no different.

imwithspud · 24/05/2015 21:33

What if your baby is poorly through the night or wants a drink of water? They won't make a peep as they know nobody will come.

Sorry but this is a load of scaremongering, guilt tripping rubbish. Doing CC does NOT mean your child will never cry during the night when they need something. I did CC with my DC1 (like the op it was a last resort). It didn't make her sleep through the night, she didn't do that until a few months after we did the CC. But it did mean that she could self settle between sleep cycles and her quality of sleep improved massively. Her mood improved, my mood improved and everyone was much happier. If she's ever upset or ill during the night she will let us know about it and of course I tend to her and she is never left to cry.

gaslamp · 24/05/2015 21:43

Well done Coodle, look forward now to happy mornings after rested nights!

coolaschmoola · 24/05/2015 21:50

I've just spent two hours getting our 3.7 yo to go to sleep. This is a new development and it's awful. Whatever works for your family op. When I figure out what the hell to try with dd I'll be doing it because we're all knackered too and she's the most tired in our family.

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 24/05/2015 21:55

It really should be well done Coodle's DH as he did the soothing, I just made the dinner and paced in the kitchen!

Just come up to bed and checked on her. She's sleeping peacefully with her muslin, in her own bedroom. It's the first time in 15 months - except for two nights in January - where I haven't had to sneak into bed, avoiding the cot in case I woke her up! Even if this doesn't work for the wake ups, she's staying in her room from now on...

OP posts:
imwithspud · 24/05/2015 22:00

Good luck Coodle, fingers crossed it works out for you. A lot of the naysayers generally have the wrong end of the stick when it comes to CC and like to use emotive language to try and make other mums feel guilty. Ignore them and do what you feel is best.

Kewcumber · 24/05/2015 22:03

They won't make a peep as they know nobody will come.

I have a child who is damaged by the failure of adults to attend to his needs - he was institutionalized at birth and for 13 months afterwards.

I doubt anyone else on this thread can say that.

OP - I highly doubt that a couple of weeks of controlled crying in a toddler who is otherwise well cared for by a primary carer and has their needs met in every other way is going to do any permanent harm.

People have half a grasp of the bonding cycle and use their sparse knowledge to become experts in something they've not any experience of. And I say this as a person who is generally anti-CC.

You might also want to try "No cry sleep solution" if CC doesn't work. It was helpful to me as you *really can't use CC on a child who has suffered real neglect.

confusedandemployed · 25/05/2015 03:14

Kewcumber Flowers You must get so tired of people minimising what you went through
To the pro-CCers: hurrah!! Well done. I hope our words have helped one mum to realise that CC works for them.
To the naysayers: you have my sympathies.

confusedandemployed · 25/05/2015 03:26

F

confusedandemployed · 25/05/2015 03:32

,Sorry phone being weird.
My reply to kewcumber was a bit brief - sorry.Sorry also for any gloatiness. This is not a competition. Everyone does what works for them. I just get angry when those who decide to use CC or CIO almost get accused of child abuse on here
Just let them judge what works for their child, yeah?

gaslamp · 25/05/2015 06:42

Checking in for a morning update - wondering how she did in the night?

Ratbagcatbag · 25/05/2015 06:54

Morning coodle

Hope last night went well and you all got a good nights sleep.

pocketsized · 25/05/2015 07:18

How did it go coddle? I hope you got some sleep and are feeling positive this morning.

Original poster
CoodleMoodle · 25/05/2015 07:46

SHE DID IT!

We had three little moans (more "mer"!) at 4:30, 5:30 and 6:30, then up at 7:30, but other than that, not a peep! Currently on my lap with a book, just like every morning, and showing absolutely no signs of being unbonded or anything like that. She's bright as a button.

Bit nervous about her nap/bedtime but we'll get there. Thank you all so much, once again!

OP posts:
boopdoop · 25/05/2015 07:55

Wow, so pleased it worked so well. And sorry that you have had so many negative comments on here, I love mumsnet but the lack of support and outright horribleness really annoys me!

We did cc with our DS and it worked well. When he's ill or teething it breaks it and we have to spend a couple of night reinforcing it once he's better, so that's helpful to be aware of, but it's always much easier than if was the first time.

Well done, and I hope it continues to go well and you all feel much better and happier for some decent sleep.

TinyTyke · 25/05/2015 08:03

Hi Coodle, I've just stumbled across this thread. How did last night go?
We have just been through the same thing with our 18 month old son. Like you we were cuddling to sleep and co-sleeping didn't suit any of us. He started waking every 1 - 2 hrs just to be cuddled and we were exhausted, he was waking his big brother too. We had a tough week doing a slow retreat thing and added in his cot mobile music. He's now only occasionally waking (once every few nights or so) and i just have to lie him down and put his music back on and he's back off in no time. Stay strong, it will get better.

TinyTyke · 25/05/2015 08:04

Oh I see your reply, well done! Here's to a better day with all that sleep

Nolim · 25/05/2015 08:10
Flowers
MmeMorrible · 25/05/2015 09:48

Well done Coddle, that's amazing progress. Long may it continue!

Just keep going as you are, it seems your DD is responding really well. I think some children (mine included) thrive when they know where their boundaries are - being gently pushed back gives them the security they need.

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