So sick of being so angry all the time because I'm so fucking tired

[AmericasTorturedBrow]

2yo DD is a shit sleeper. I never know what the night will bring but guarantee at some point to at least be mutterin under my breath all kinds Of obscenities and every single fucking morning I spend the first 2hours trying to get my sleep deprivation induced rage under control.

I am turning into a horrible mother seriously regretting having Children at all because I'm so fucking tired. She's bloody awesome during the day, cute and funny and clever and hilarious and wonderful to have around, she doesn't even tantrum that much even though she's got a strong will - but I m actively starting to hate her at night

DSsleot through from 8months and at 5 is still a good sleeper - why the fuck won't DD be the same?!

Ok so I have dd who is almost 3 and b/g twins, 7 months. Please someone tell me that things get easier SOON. Crikey it's so relentless most days that I'm willing 7pm so they just go to bed. Please tell me I'm not the only one to feel like this....

Wow twins! How do they sleep? I'm the opposite. DD is lovely during the day, it's at night the real horror starts. I dread every bedtime, it's ruined for me. So sick of it all being on me, all the time.

One twin is a dream and the other a horror. Last night we had about 2 hours sleep between midnight and 5am. It's becoming the norm at this stage. Almost 3 year old wakes for the day at 6am so by midday I'm climbing the walls. Horror twin is grumpy throughout the day due to broken sleep but resists naps something shocking. I'm hoping this is just a weird phase💤

I've got the rage. Shit sleep for 9 months. Husband announced yesterday that we needed to get things sorted before I go back to work as I'm up all night and I'll be really tired once I have work to do- as if looking after dd all fucking day ON MY OWN isn't hard work! Ffs I'll be going back to work for a fucking rest! He then wakes both of us up as he is rooting round the bedroom trying to find socks and getting up for his (clearly more valuable and tiring) job (dd is still in with us which is a whole other problem) - I try to boob her back to sleep which doesn't work so in my frustration just put her back in her cot and let her crawl and cruise about. Miraculously after a bit of fannying about she lies the fuck down and starts to go to sleep...at which point cock face starts running the shower and wakes her the fuck up again. Feeling very stabby indeed. Raaaaaaaaage.

I sympathise , dd is almost three and ds is 18months and neither sleep through the night . They're both up multiple times and we end up playing musical beds . I feel like I've been tricked , nobody told me the sleep deprivation would last so long .

Eurghhhhh I need this thread. This afternoon I considered ways I could get admitted to hospital so that I could get a decent night's sleep, but DP quite rightly said breaking my leg wouldn't get me a night in hospital and would definitely make things more shit!
DS used to sleep. Then we put him in a cot next to our bed instead of his Moses basket and he started waking up. Now, at 6.5 months, he wakes up crying as soon as he is put in his cot and he "sleeps" next to me with frequent breastfeeding all night.
I am angry, exhausted, obsessed with how tired I am and can't believe how much I just want to jump out of my own body. Started giving him formula before bed and it hasn't made any fucking difference. He must have such a boring life because I have no energy to do anything, and all I wanted was to be a good mum to him!
Just wanted to join the ranting. We are talking about controlled crying and then I feel do desperate and sad because I don't want to do that to him but I feel sub-human with tiredness so just don't know what to do.

The hospital admission thing was tongue in cheek but I'm seriously fucking tired.

Thanks for this, you have made me feel like I'm not alone, 1yr old up jumping around and shouting since 5.30, 2.5yr old due to wake v soon, simmering anger at the mo

Here in 2018 and I had to screenshot almost every post on here and send it on over to the ingrate (DH) that likes to comment on my sleeping in because I literally don't get 30 consistent minutes of sleep at all, EVER. I am in such a mother fucking God damn rage all the time that I literally have a bone to pick with the god damn birds that want to chirp by the windows when I finally find myself dozing off. I don't think this is normal. And I can't stand the god damn stupid fucking advice that I already tried on day one. I literally think to myself this shit is not fucking happening right now. And to make matters worst our house is the house that all family loves to raid and inconsiderately be here when they are NOT invited. Making my job ten million times harder. Those nights the kids really give me a run for my money. 🤬

Funny to see this thread being resurrected! It was a HUGE support to me during the darkest days of DD's no sleep regime. I've name changed, I was Purple Boa. JM22 you're doing great, feeling like this is normal and it will get better...sleep induced rage is the absolute worst.

Three years on, I am...still not sleeping DD, now 3.6, eventually found her way to sleeping through at 2.5. Just in time for her brother to arrive! DS is as bad as DD was at sleeping. He started off well (was premature so must have needed the sleep), but the 4 month regression hit and...yeah. Back to square one!

He's now 15 months and we are still co sleeping with him. It's up and down, some nights are ok, others are awful. I know we'll get there, DD mostly sleeps through and would do till 8am if she was allowed to. But it's hard going, I figure I've not had a decent run of sleep since 2014!

On the plus side, I am used to it and able to better deal with it and survive at work. Although I was having a rage induced morning (DD's turn to wake us up, unusually) and saw this and it made me smile!

Any other original posters still around?

Oh my goodness, this has made me smile. In a sympathetic "Thank God it isn't just me, and you lot are hilarious way." I was seriously beginning to think I needed counselling and must have some deep-seated rage issues.... clearly is it just the hellish sleep deprivation (3 children under 5... the last one is, if anything, worse than the other two). Dd3 is 5 months and waking 1-2 hours atm as unwell, dd2 randomly cries out in her sleep or I spend dark hours crawling under her crib trying to find a dummy and DS1 has entered 'nightmare'stage and resolutely refuses to wake later than 5.30am. The rage is never far beneath the surface... I used to be the epitome if British politeness. Now I could happily destroy strangers who walk too close to me and my buggy, offer unwanted advice, take too long to get out of my way whilst I am trying to juggle 3 children...

I am glad I found this thread. I read it whilst sobbing whilst my 19 month old was screaming an hour past bedtime. I had tried everything so was letting him cry and eventually decided to go in again and realised he’d done a poo so then I had the guilt of letting the poor thing cry with a shitty nappy.
I’m so tired I don’t even know what to write. I can count on one hand the number of times DS has slept through. I pretty much hate my DH because he always implies everyone else he knows has good sleepers and why is ours so terrible.
I can’t remember my old life and I don’t go out because I’m up for the day between 4-5.
I’m 18w pregnant and terrified.
I used to be able to cope because he always went down without a peep at 7pm but that has all gone to pot.
I’m just rambling because it’s a tiny bit cathartic but I just hate my life. I love my boy so much though but at times like this I just feel so desperate

I've found my people.

DS is 8 months. I love hin fiercely but fuck me if I'm not trying to get him to sleep I'm fucking thinking about sleep.
It's allover done for 8 months. What a waste of life. And then I have friends who dont care about daytime nap schedules or blackout blinds or white cunting noise or self settling but their babies sleep through . How is that fair? I deserve a decent sleeper. I've tried so fucking hard.

Yes, I feel your pain. My life is completely dominated by sleep / lack of sleep / naps. 8 months is still pretty young so don’t lose faith - still plenty of time for it to sort itself out. My sister always say ‘this too shall pass’...which is true when it comes to baby and toddler sleep but unfortunately for me, difficult phases have often been replaced by even more difficult phases! I’ve had about 6 hours sleep today so feel a bit more human.
Try to ignore all your friends with good sleepers. My colleague said ‘I’ve been there’ to me the other day when I had to phone in sick due to exhaustion - and I know for a fact she has to wake up here amazing sleeper every day so she most certainly does not. 18 months of chronic sleep deprivation is very very different to a few nights here and there! Had to reallllllly bite my tongue

Yes they are not the same thing!
I'm just so bored ot having to cancel or duck out of activities because of napping. People now just meet up without inviting me and I dont blame them. I've cancelled so many times.

Brilliant thread. The rage is real. The worst part is when you’re so used to waking every hour or two that when your DC decides to sleep for 3-4hrs in a row for the first time in weeks, YOU WAKE ANYWAY... and lie there like a tired idiot waiting for DC to cry so you can deal with it and go back to sleep. Or the one time you’re actually ready to go to sleep at 6pm with DC, because you’re that exhausted, and he wakes 5min later, waking you, and then you can’t sleep for another 4-5hrs. DH gets landed with the rage but that doesn’t even upset me. He deserves it. Anyone who can sleep through that shit, snoring all the while, deserves some anger thrown at them. ESPECIALLY when he has the nerve to say “I’m tired... I know - not as tired as you but...” Now that I’ve ranted - GD83 - You’ve got this. You’re amazing. I like “this too shall pass”, but I like the Churchill one better - “If you’re going through hell - keep going.”

Thank you! I feel like a different person today because although he woke up a few times he went back to sleep quickly and then stayed asleep til 06:40 - one of the latest wake ups ever. Sleep deprivation is the absolute worst and makes me feel properly depressed and you can only see clearly once you’ve had a bit of sleep. I don’t hate my life!
He has dropped his daytime nap literally overnight but I’m trying not to obsess over it and just go with it - actually quite liberating. He’ll sleep when he’s tired.
A lot of the pressure we put on ourselves about things is from comparison with others - I was thinking if we all lived in caves and didn’t talk to other people we would just be guided by the babies and not beat ourselves up if they didn’t nap etc. Maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m delirious!

I hear you. That feeling of “oh...I can see clearly now the sleep fog is gone”. You’re absolutely right about being guided by your baby rather than society’s view of what baby should be doing. I was in the supermarket yesterday when someone looked at my baby and said “Oh! He’s tired!” He literally woke from his nap 10 minutes ago, but please, hold my groceries while I go put him to bed. Thanks random stranger who knows what he needs better than I do. (Probably the sleep deprivation talking again... “HE’S TIRED?! I’M tired!!!”)

I can totally empathise with you. My two and half year old has been waking me 2-3 time at night looking for me for past two months. It would be ok if I fell back to sleep straight away but it’s not always easy. I get so angry with her and I feel so much guilt for feeling like this, but I am only human I try and tell myself. However, when I talk to other people in my family all they say is “it’s part of being a mother and to suck it up” but what about the understanding that I need, what about my self esteem, I just seem to get judged for admitting that I get angry for not handling the sleep depreciation better. I never realised that once you become a mother, you are automatically expected to turn into a robot too!!! 😩