Controlled crying AAAAAAAAAAARGH!

[blackchloe]

Please help me. I am in such a pickle with this controlled crying game. I have done this for 3 nights on the trot with my 6 month old with no improvement. She wakes at 2am for a feed which is fine but I have introduced CC because she then wont settle back down to sleep. She had previously been coming into bed with me at 2am and she would settle immediately but only till 4.30am. So after extensive reading I decide to try CC. 5mins, 10 mins then every 15 mins. However she is a stubborn little thing and will not settle . This can go on for 3 HOURS! And then by that point she is ready for her next bottle as its nearly morning. Anyone got any advice? Should I pursue it tonight or just resign myself to the fact that this sleep training method does not work with her. I should point out that this is the last method available as I have tried all the other more gentler methods of sleep training. This CC method means she is exhausted in the day and therefore sleeping more which means she is not so tired at night.

I've never done cc but I think you need to either carry it on or drop the idea till she's older. It will probably take longer than 3 nights (no expert though).

Thanks rainbowinthesky. Might give it a couple more nights.
its just disheartening when there has been no improvement in 3 nights.

" So after extensive reading I decide to try CC."

Well, you must have read that nobody recommends controlled crying for babies under 12 months.

And i'm not sure how you could have tried all other methods if she's only 6 months old- when did you start and how long did you try them for?

If use settle immediately in your bed why not keep her there? Presumably she's nearly due another bottle when she wakes at 4.30- if you give her milk does she go back to sleep then?

BC

I have a very good friend who went through something similar. It took over a week of gritting teeth and staying with it. Finally in the end... magic.

Hang in there.

Go by what seeker says, she knows what she is talking about.

I think she's less stubborn, more asking you for help. I couldn't leave a baby for 3 hours who is clearly unable to self settle.

I think in the first year their sleep habits are changeable and their ability to sleep without help, limited. I know it's really, really, really hard but I think you do whatever you can to get through and try again in a few months with the other methods when they're more likely to respond. I would feel no shame in going back to whatever got you through the early days as personally I think they're harder at 6 months than as a newborn. They are SO frustrated by their physical limitations. So if you can sleep in the day or let other people cook/do housework, cosleep etc, whatever works to improve your sleep then I'd do it. It's far easier to change what you're doing than trying to change the needs of a small baby. You won't make a rod for your own back, you might just go back to enjoying your baby in the daytime because you're going with it instead of fighting it.

6 months is too early to be doing CC. You need to do some more reading my love.

At 6 months I would just bring her back to bed with you if thats what settles her. She is too young to be "trying it on" or "taking advantage" of you.

Seeker, a lot of people do use cc around 6m. You may not agree with it but it is a valid choice. Doing it later when they are older is much, much harder.

Jesus, this is really sad. She is a tiny baby.

my 9 mo still does not sleep through and I was getting wound up about it (but not to the point of doing CC - because I know I would be crap at it). Someone on here told me to lower my expectations (which were already pretty low when a good night was him waking twice) and I think this has made me alot less stressed about things. We co-sleep when necessary, feed back to sleep if its the quickest thing to get him back off. It's far easier to change your mindset than change your babies expectations.

I would abandon the CC if I were you becuase it sounds soul destroying. She is still tiny.

People might do it MrFM but it doesn't make it the right decision or even remotely recommended. You refer to a baby who took a week to get it. I suggest that baby gave up asking for somebody to respond. CC might 'work' but I'd question seriously what you've taught your baby. It's not magic, it's refusal to respond.

I agree with Mr FawkesMan, lots of material have said CC is not recommended for under 6 months, but it is acceptable to use it thereafter. I am not comfortable with co sleeping due to a cot death in our family which happened during co sleeping at night.Therefore I dont sleep well co sleeping and I should also mention that I have 5 year old so day time naps when baby is sleeping are virtually impossible as these coincide with the school run. Husband is not able to help as he works 12 hour shifts sometimes through the night.

They might do it, MrFawkesMan, but not even the person who "invented" controlled crying says it's suitable for babies under 1.

A 6 monthnold is not capable of being stubborn or manipulative. If a baby of this age cries it's because they need something- milk, comfort, company- something. and a baby hose needs are met promptly when they are little is more likely to be secure and "reasonable" for want of a better word, when they are older.

Do you know what I am looking for constructive advice not a series of rants making me feel guilty about doing CC. If you dont have anything helpful to say then please dont bother. I am exhausted as it is and people twisting and picking at my choice of words is really not helpful.

What material is that, blackchloe?

Are you really comfortable ih your baby crying for 3 hours a night?

SoH

There is a difference of opinion. I used cc with all 3 of my DC and I don't think they 'gave up', in fact I think they were happier and more secure going to bed after we went through it.

There is no right formula for parenting, different things work for different families. There is definitely no right answer for sleeping. I think parents have the right to make their own choices, and when they come here fir advice/support they should not get a lot of preaching about what is right for their children. (eg I would say nothing to AP parents even though it is not my approach).

Hi there. Not sure how you've approached CC, but I was told to stay right next to my DD and touch her, talk to her, cuddle her, etc every five minutes. I never left the room, she could see me and she never got into distress. It took an hour for her to drop off on her own. Since then, she's been able to self settle.

It was very hard to do. My DH was in the room with me but out of her sight as we wanted not to confuse her with both of us in there. He was there to support me. And I truly believe I couldn't have done it without him there.

Good luck to you.

She's so little, she doesn't know what you want her to do or why you are leaving her - if she is distressed and crying for 3 hours at a time then it isn't doing anyone any good. She's not stubbornly refusing to settle, she just can't settle on her own yet.

Does she self-settle at bedtime? Until she can do that she won't be able to self-settle in the middle of the night either. Have you tried helping her get to sleep in her cot? Ssh-patting her til she drops off, maybe pick-up/put-down?

Seeker FYI -Dr. Richard Ferber discusses and outlines a wide range of practices to teach an infant to sleep.
The technique is targeted at infants as young as 4 months of age. A few babies are capable of sleeping through the night at 3 months, with training, and most are capable of sleeping through the night at 6 months. Before 6 months of age, the baby may still need to feed during the night and it is probable that the baby will require a night feeding before three months.

Yes of course there are differences of opinion. And parenting is a series of choices.

But controlled crying is not recommended for babies under 1. And the fat that people do it does not alter that fat.

BC

Unfortunately sleep tends to be a bit of a religious philosophy. There are many people who are convinced they have the right, true answer and that anything else is child abuse.

Honestly, if this is your choice stick with it. It is hard in the beginning but the payoff is tremendous. I would suggest leaving this thread and hiding it because you are likely to only get angry & frustrated at the responses.

Sounds like our DD1 I tried cc for couple nights when she was 6mths cried 3hrs I felt like worst mother in world it felt SO wrong. Gave up felt a lot less stressed just accepting that was who she was. She is now 4.5yrs still has vbad patches of sleep but when they are older its much easier to use reward charts etc. I found the millpond sleep clinic book helpful as first place I read which said some children will never respond to cc due to their personality. We used gradual retreat method over 2months at 3yrs old which worked best. I echo the above do what u need to make your life easier co sleep if it helps. I've got 10wk old babe now she spends first half night in cot second half in bed with me virtually no crying we all more settled &happier. Gd luck.

RitaMorgan - She does self settle at bedtime and at her 11pm feed so she is capable. I have tried the other techniques you have suggested but she gets very excited and smiles/coos at me to play!

Thanks ssmile and all others who have contributed on here with HELPFUL advice