I am not hysterical at all rollerbaby, perfectly calm in fact and merely trying to discuss the fact you admitted. That you left a 4mo to cry until he stopped of his own volition. I made no comment on the rest of your parenting or day to day life. But of course if you wish to respond with hyperbolic statements about cosleeping until 10 and claims that I made comments I didn't, then be as ridiculous as you like about it.
SuckIt, I do agree that depression and sleep deprivation in a mother is undesirable, though evidence would suggest that when the exhaustion and depression is resolved by 12 months, it does not have a lasting negative impact. Which fits in with the changeability you can expect in the first year. What I think is a big problem, and often the elephant in the room, is that we persist with trying to force tiny babies into a pattern that goes against their needs in this dogged pursual of 'sleeping through' and 'not reliant on us for sleep cues' and that IS exhausting. Constantly trying to resettle in a cot, shush patting, desperately resisting feeding or rocking to sleep, despairing at short intervals between feeds and night wakings etc. And it's just normal baby behaviour and there are usually a million and one things we can do to get through it which don't involve the frustration and sleep deprivation which comes from trying to impose our standards on a tiny baby to the detriment of their natural needs. And I think women could be better supported to achieve this. But they have health professionals, sleep 'experts', family, friends etc all commenting, all telling us we're doing it wrong, what our babies 'should' be doing and a cascade of methods which end in just leaving them to it and hoping they give up eventually.
It's fine to want whatever you want from a baby. As long as you acknowledge that maybe what you want isn't what a baby is designed to naturally do and in order to achieve what you want at a premature time, you have to alter a tiny baby's needs, perhaps by ignoring them completely and accept that you don't know the longterm effects of that decision. Almost certainly not catastrophic but a decision you have to make just like any other parenting decision. And if that woman understands there are other ways, there are clear and researched negatives to what they're doing and that their baby is utterly normal and it doesn't last forever and they STILL want to do it, then that's their choice. But I don't think any of us are in a position where sleep training or leaving a baby to cry is concerned where we can say 'oh yes I did it, it's fine'. Each woman deserves the full facts, a bit of support, some helpful suggestions and then the freedom to make their own choices. And I reserve the right to believe that it can be the wrong choice based on a baby's age/behaviour/the mother's motivation etc. It's merely my opinion.