MNet Newbie Guide - what would be your top piece advice on Mumsnet etiquette?

[JustineMumsnet]

We wanted to put together a humourous yet telling guide for Mumsnet newbies, full of practical advice on how to get along in Mumsnet land.

You know the type of things...

Opening posts/ nicknames/ topics to avoid until you get the hang of it. Or don't post on AIBU if you don't want to hear that you are? Or please don't use textspeak/do use punctuation and paragraphs/ don't call people Hun.

Many many thanks. We'll bung it altogether one day soon.

Thank you in advance oh kind and good Mumsnetters.

oh dear, I missed a * in that, but you know what I meant

Yep -have it wrong! apostrophes

When you are making a statement don't put a question mark at the end of it. (As in 'Don't post on AIBU unless you want to hear that you are?')

WHY do people use
x at the end of things?

why?
Because they are thick.

It is real advice, saves them getting jumped on for making "yawnsome greggs gags"

We really need a rolleyes emote.

A better bit of advice ignore people like KarlWrenbury. Some people think they are MN best to just ignore them.

don't hold back now Karl

Don't get upset if you are never on one of the "The MNetter I heart most" threads

Hmmpf

Not that I look, or anything.

Please don't post a flounce after your first week saying 'oh nobody listens to me, everybody ignores me, I'm off'.

And especially not if you wish to add 'and you're a nest of vipers'.

If you get ignored when you're new, you just need to become addicted post more, like the rest of us. And remember how many posters there are on MN.

Don't have your first thread titled something like "Everyone on here is horrible and I'm not going to stay" or "You're all such bitches, my other forum is much nicer" if you want to make friends here.

Don't use 'of' instead of 'have' (eg I should of done that)
Don't start a thread saying your 17 month old is extremely gifted
Don't expect personal replies to your posts
Don't admit to reading the Daily Mail.

Is that "Blaze" as a child's name? or just in general?

This is good, it should be a FAQ.

KW, did you used to be ICUP perhaps, until vairy recently?

OOh tamrto has thrown toys OUTTA the cot.

please use 'lie' and sit' properly

You need a witty name:

Txt spk, your year of birth or your v. common RL name = all bad

oblique reference to Salinger book - good

willself, my thoughts too

Try to minimise the amount of things you feel you could be offended by.

if you ever find yourself ranting ENDLESSLY about what a ( quite obviously ) MAD woman said to you in a shop abotu your babies socks then PLEASE FUCK OFF BACK TO WORK.

thank you

yup, a clever literary slant to your name always gets a knowing nod

"I am sat here crying" oh fgs no no and thrice no.

Don't use lol in place of a nervous laugh e.g. "my husband slept with my sister lol"

You are supposed to be confident and interesting on the internet, not tittering and terrified

Don't worry if no-one seems to have noticed or replied to any of your posts. They're not deliberately ignoring you, and it's (probably) not a clique.

Do not come on complaining that your four day old baby doesn't sleep through the night. You will feel the wrath of those of us with toddlers who have never slept through the night.

Don't say "It's a bit shit here, I think I might just pay the 79p and go back to my GOOD parenting site..."

Don't start a thread on Baby Names topic unless you want honest opinions.

Post not likely to be found on MN:

"Shardonnay Kailee is a lovely name, and I love the unusual spelling!"

yes the overuse of Lol marks the difference between o level and gcse imo