Unpleasant thread answers, but not ‘personal attacks’? Does it make Mumsnet into a place you don’t want to engage with as much, or at all?

[NoCommentingFromNowOn]

I feel there are so many answers that are rude or goady or similar, to fairly innocuous threads. Does anyone else feel this? Can (or will) Mumsnet do anything about them?

If I say to someone ‘fuck off you cunt’ it would get deleted. But if I pull someone down repeatedly, ask the same question over and over, try my best to be an absolute arsehole on a thread, my posts would not be deleted.

When Mumsnet say ‘not in the spirit of the site’ what do they actually mean? Because I see posters dragging someone down all the time. I know sometimes a thread will offer incredible support to someone, but if you’ve ever seen a thread go the other way with vulnerable people spoken to like shite, people will think twice about posting in a vulnerable state and will go elsewhere for support. Or they will bottle it all up.

If a lot of the comments on here were said in the workplace, or school they would be considered as bullying and people (HR, teachers, bosses) will put a stop to that behaviour. But unless it’s directed at someone specific, it won’t be deleted here.

And yes, I know I could scroll on by, and I find I am doing that, or simply reading and not participating. But I know lots of posters feel similar because I see the posts saying so.

Every single time I come on here I see really unpleasant posts and it’s such a shame, I don’t understand why they’re not deleted. Sometimes Mumsnet have already posted on those threads and are aware of them. But still they stand.

Am I in a minority here? Shall I just catch up with my saved threads then call it a day? Although, as I say, I’ve seen other people say it too 🤷‍♀️.

Not necessarily - and still just as good a reason to put forward your own views and opinions for other (non-trolls/bots) to read.

I love your comment. It captures everything that draws me to Mumsnet. The intelligence. The wit. The bluntness. The real feminism. It’s a place where people speak their minds in ways that are rare in popular discourse. I guess the moderation has something to do with it.

My least favorite comments are the gender reversals. I find them maddening. The “if this were a man posting, it would never be acceptable” type. Then the pile-ons agreeing that Mumsnet has a double standard for men and women. That the OP is a user, perv, molester, abuser, and so on.

But this isn’t a man posting! It’s a woman. And women are the oppressed class. That changes things in subtle ways. If it were a man, the context would often be completely different. So no, you can't flip it around and compare it apples to apples.

The reversal comments don't appreciate the quiet ways women move through the world differently. It's such an... un-feminist perspective. And it's so trite and boring and frankly, stupid. I wish it would stop.

PS: I don't know how to quote only a partial quote. Since this is site stuff, figured I'd bring it up!

Yeah but some people can be quite vile in their disagreeing with you - you get passive aggression, or even personal attacks and insinuating that you’re stupid etc, simply for voicing your own opinion. I think that’s wrong.

I also feel it’s quite wrong to “pile on” to one poster(as in personally replying to them / quoting them) by multiple people making same point - again, even if you’re disagreeing.

I’ve been on here since 2015 and it’s definitely been like this since then. And there have always been threads like this and people threatening to flounce because they don’t like the tone. But the bottom line is that more people seem to enjoy the nastiness. MN is a for-profit business so they will do whatever brings more engagement to the site. Not to mention they have to pay moderators for their time.
I see stuff like this all over the internet but a lot of people seem to think it’s nicer everywhere else. I think those people would be better served to stay where they feel comfortable because I would be absolutely shocked if anything changed around here.

Well I’m not going anywhere for now because I’m quite active on several sites and no where is it women centered and feminist like here. I guess you can’t help the bullies.

It does stop me from posting for help though. A while ago I posted for help under a different handle. I got absolutely roasted, reported for trolling, my account was locked and I had to beg to be let back in (and mumsnet asked me in so many words to stop engaging with the thread because they’d get lots of reports on it). I’m still dealing with that issue and muddling through it but not even considering posting for help. Ah well.

That’s interesting, I have always wondered how much was real. Where did you find that statistic? Is it specific to MN or just the internet in general? I don’t doubt it, I’m just wondering where it came from.

Sorry I’ve been disconnected! I work in digital marketing and it’s industry standard to assume that. Many people are pulling out investment in digital marketing for this very reason. Different numbers here, but this article gives you an idea of how bad it is - DM me if you want more info, I’m a nerd for this kind of thing

I was thinking exactly the same thing, There's been a few examples of just plain nasty comments this afternoon.

It's really hard, but as soon as you see they're goading you, ignore, ignore, ignore, because the troll type thrive off upsetting people and getting a response. Do not engage, do not feed the trolls.

I’m fascinated by the bot issue and wonder how they operate on a place like mumsnet. Do they post comments and to what end?

@JoMumsnet any thoughts on this?