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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

References to underage sex on Sex board

362 replies

BenCoopersSupportWren · 23/02/2023 23:02

I haven’t been following the Sex topics in Active furore too closely, beyond agreeing on one of the early threads that it would be better for the Board to revert to the way it was - out of Active, with a longer qualifying time to be able to post.

However I’ve just read a thread which, on the face of it, is just reminiscing about posters’ ‘first times’ but which includes numerous disclosures of underage sex, including some that involved grooming, and one or two that are genuinely heartbreaking testimonies of child sexual abuse. They are particularly jarring interspersed as they are between end-of-pier type humour and jokes of others’ experience.

As I just posted there: “there is a reason most ‘mainstream’ dedicated end-user sex sites like Literotica, BDSMLR etc don’t allow stories or posts that are explicit about underage sex even when clearly written by adults, and will remove such posts when brought to the moderators’ attention. I used to work in the CJS and I’m afraid to say that such descriptions - even when expressed in short and simple terms - have currency among paedophiles. Part of my job was keeping the video testimony of CSA victims and any associated transcripts locked away so that they didn’t fall into the wrong hands. Unfortunately it’s not just explicit photos and videos that they get off to.”

For clarity, by “explicit about underage sex” I mean making specific reference to, not that the material has to be particularly sexually explicit. The exact same thread would simply not be allowed to stand on Literotica’s chat forum, for example.

While there have always been examples in other parts of the site of posters making disclosures of having been abused, that is a very different thing to sharing it in a section that only the most naive or wilfully obtuse would deny will be used in part for titillation. My issue isn’t that the thread is particularly sexually explicit - it mostly isn’t, and I’m pretty broad-minded… in context. But no one could argue that “where did you lose your virginity?” is masquerading as a support / how to / informative thread; it’s for entertainment and kicks only, be the latter humour or a sexual thrill. (A few posters on that thread have been supportive to those who disclosed their abuse, but ‘support’ is clearly not the original purpose of the thread.)

IMO it is extremely remiss of MN to disregard the ‘good practice’ rules that other sex sites maintain for handling material relating to references to underage sex/CSA, both because of the type of person attracted to those sites if such rules aren’t in place and from a liability / arse-covering perspective. This, combined with the lack of any age verification or warning for that part of the site, makes it even more obvious that MN don’t understand what is involved in safely and legally hosting a ‘sex chat site’ or part thereof.

OP posts:
Bamboux · 24/02/2023 23:31

Somanyquestionstoaskaboutthis · 24/02/2023 22:43

Me too please. I’m new there but would hate to lose the wealth of knowledge of you all. And the cheese.

Me too please.

MagentaRocks · 24/02/2023 23:34

Sent a couple of PMs to see where people are going.

wonder how many premium members have cancelled.

I can accept an error in judgement but the response from @JustineMumsnet shows they are not listening

wohmum · 24/02/2023 23:55

Stopsnowing · 24/02/2023 19:26

Well as I said - this is damaging the Mumsnet brand. No one wants it in active. Those who need it, find it. And many sex related issues were In relationships. And I am fed up with the sex toy ads.

Completely agree. I’ve been a long time reader, occasional poster and enjoyed most of all the funny, educational and thought provoking discussions .
But am thoroughly fed up with all the sex topics in active. Previously I’ve found it a great way of sharing topics with my teens but now won’t any more . It just doesn’t need to be so ‘in your face’ - ugh.
maybe I am a bit if a prude - but I’ll be off soon if this stays.

mumsnet must be making good money from the sex toy partnership if they are willing to piss off their core demographic so much

wohmum · 24/02/2023 23:58

PlusLaMeme · 24/02/2023 22:49

BIWI and OYBadKitten, please could you PM me where you decide to decamp please. I lurk on the weather threads, and the old quirky posters are the only thing keeping me here tbh

Yes please - me too. Have followed and enjoyed both your stories and threads over the years - who knew weather would end up being such a good topic ! Typically British stereotype to a fault! 🤣🤣

WombsofWimbledon · 25/02/2023 00:33

lovem · 24/02/2023 18:53

What a strange thing to say. The response has been largely negative so we'll ... keep going?

Blink twice if you're being held hostage @JustineMumsnet!

🤣🤣🤣

WombsofWimbledon · 25/02/2023 00:37

Me too I guess. It’s so out of ‘the spirit of Mumsnet’ that it feels odd whichever way you lean in your views. I wonder if the premium members (which I’m not) are ever polled. You’d think their opinion might have weight, at least?

I do appreciate that, if it’s money related, it’s hard to say when adult rated (or should be adult rated!) content decisions are driven by financial considerations.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 25/02/2023 00:42

@BIWI
And others
I would really like to know where you are going.

Mumsnet has been such a great support over the years -and such fun - but it looks as if the new version is not for me.

TheShellBeach · 25/02/2023 00:45

Sad to see all these comments about leaving, but not surprised.
MNHQ have shot themselves in the foot and no mistake.
Still, they have all the perves on the sex board to console them.

AlexandriasWindmill · 25/02/2023 01:02

Thanks for raising these points OP. I'm sorry the response from MN was so disappointing. I'm not sure what the MN brand means now. It's definitely repositioned itself in the last few months.
I'll always be grateful for the FWR boards and the RL connections and friendships I've made because of them. But if I was coming to MN now, I wouldn't even join because of the clickbait titles, trolls and lack of safeguarding.

WhatCanWeDoNext · 25/02/2023 01:23

Please could someone also let me know where the Bootcamp and Weather gangs are going to next. @BIWI and @OhYouBadBadKitten . Pretty please 🙏

I don’t want to stay on a site that allows illegal CSA content.
Thank you.

lovem · 25/02/2023 05:48

I would appreciate an invite too. I namechange all the time but have been here many, many years. I think mumsnet would be a sadder space without @OhYouBadBadKitten or @LangClegsInSpace and co (and a creepier place with the new preferred welcomed types of posters joining).

RainbowZebraWarrior · 25/02/2023 07:59

lovem · 25/02/2023 05:48

I would appreciate an invite too. I namechange all the time but have been here many, many years. I think mumsnet would be a sadder space without @OhYouBadBadKitten or @LangClegsInSpace and co (and a creepier place with the new preferred welcomed types of posters joining).

I'm also out and cannot believe how much MN have screwed up.

Please could someone PM me too. Been here 12 years, regular on the weather and lurker / occasional poster on FWR.

I'm also a Neurodiverse Mumsnetter. I've already been looking elsewhere on that content.

IneffableGenderFairy · 25/02/2023 08:00

Me too please! Been here seventeen years, but this is too much.

Rhondaa · 25/02/2023 08:53

lovem · 25/02/2023 05:48

I would appreciate an invite too. I namechange all the time but have been here many, many years. I think mumsnet would be a sadder space without @OhYouBadBadKitten or @LangClegsInSpace and co (and a creepier place with the new preferred welcomed types of posters joining).

I wouldn't get too excited. We've had this so many times before. You'll end up on a tumbleweed site where the same 5 people post the same crap every day, strangely always analysing mumsnet and criticising posters on mumsnet <even tho they hate mn>.

Just accept that this isn't the result you want, but mn really is a massive site offering a wide range of opinions and experiences. It is well moderated. Who wants to post in an echo chamber where the other 5 posters all say 'yes absolutely! I agree!' 🥱

lovem · 25/02/2023 09:10

I've been looking at Ovarit which seems fairly active.

ovarit.com/

beastlyslumber · 25/02/2023 09:18

I don’t want to stay on a site that allows illegal CSA content.

Same. It's very upsetting that MN don't seem to understand or care what they're doing. It's incredibly irresponsible to host a sex chat forum without any safeguarding measures. Why don't they understand safeguarding? It's a parenting site, ffs.

I'm hanging on at the moment in the hope that MN realises what they're doing and backtrack. I value FWR but those women care about safeguarding more than anyone! I can't see them staying if MN doesn't work this out.

ladymalfoy45 · 25/02/2023 09:21

Me too. 20 years and I agree with all of you. Let me know where we go.

SolitudeNotLoneliness · 25/02/2023 09:35

Me too... I'm. Getting useful. Info Re an op that's due, once that's done I'm deregister ING. Let me know where you all go.

Read the room @JustineMumsnet
This isn't about advice for new parents struggling with issues... That excuse is drivel.

daisychain01 · 25/02/2023 10:11

My fwiw opinion is that I would prefer to stay here and continue talking with MNHQ to see if there's a compromise to this situation rather than just abandoning the site without trying to resolve things. There's a lot of good in MN, even if some of it is highly frustrating at times. It would indeed be nice to be treated like intelligent adults rather than patronised, but I expect some of it is having to do it all in writing.

Abandoning this place is a combination of cutting off one's nose to spite one's face and throwing the baby out with the bath water. In my opinion.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 25/02/2023 10:47

My fwiw opinion is that I would prefer to stay here and continue talking with MNHQ to see if there's a compromise to this situation rather than just abandoning the site without trying to resolve things.

The problem is that 'this situation' is rather the straw that has broken the camels back. It's been building for a long time and the bullshit excuses we are continually being fed by MN is an insult to our intelligence.

RainbowZebraWarrior · 25/02/2023 10:48

RainbowZebraWarrior · 25/02/2023 10:47

My fwiw opinion is that I would prefer to stay here and continue talking with MNHQ to see if there's a compromise to this situation rather than just abandoning the site without trying to resolve things.

The problem is that 'this situation' is rather the straw that has broken the camels back. It's been building for a long time and the bullshit excuses we are continually being fed by MN is an insult to our intelligence.

Sorey, first paragraph was a quote from the previous post.

ShowOfHands · 25/02/2023 10:48

I want to leave. I probably won't because for now, there's nowhere like it but I will be cancelling my Premium membership. I only have it as a thank you to a site which has meant so much to me for two decades and I wanted to support their continuation. Not if this is the direction I'm afraid.

I remember when I pushed for a sex topic years ago (still thinks it's a good idea to have it as a separate topic away from active) and MN complained that it would mean having to add all sorts of warning and flashing bells and whistles so that only adults would enter that section and they'd fulfil their legal and moral responsibilities. From that concern to forcing such content on their core users. What a sea change.

TangledWebOfDeception · 25/02/2023 10:49

You’re welcome to your opinion. However it’s a view I don’t share. There isn’t always a compromise to be reached. I’ve got absolutely no need for most of Mumsnet - I won’t miss anything except the handful of people I regularly engage with here, so no it’s certainly not going to spite my face.

I’m simply not going to contribute in any way as this place get worse and worse (I was already seriously considering leaving, tbh - this has just been the last straw) and I absolutely won’t support the owners and those in leadership positions of a parenting/women’s site being so lacking in awareness of dangers around safeguarding/appalling, illegal content and so lax in its policy application in that regard.

I’m not happy to have a sex chat thread here, period. I’m not happy for new mothers to be aggressively targeted with sex toy ads using nasty, dehumanising and ideologically motivated wording, I’m not happy with the Ann Summers collab, and I’m incensed that there wasn’t a team of specifically savvy moderators appointed to oversee the sex chat thread/sex topic as soon as the change was made to registration time, if they were so determined to let it stand.

I’m here for two main threads (although I comment on many others) and as long as I know where @BIWI is and where BC is being held I’m good. The other thread is a S&B frippery and if needs must I will happily let it go. I’ll take up weather watching instead! I’ve done my bit on FWR over the years too, so my work here is done and I can happily hand over to other who want to continue it.

TangledWebOfDeception · 25/02/2023 10:57

Above in reply to @daisychain01.

Of course you should take whatever course of action is right for you. But this is definitely the right one for me.

I'm so done being Cassandra; I’m also done casting pearls before swine.

OhYouBadBadKitten · 25/02/2023 10:59

WhatCanWeDoNext · 25/02/2023 01:23

Please could someone also let me know where the Bootcamp and Weather gangs are going to next. @BIWI and @OhYouBadBadKitten . Pretty please 🙏

I don’t want to stay on a site that allows illegal CSA content.
Thank you.

I'm considering options carefully as we need a really robust option for a new weather forum. Are there any bloggers or website designers following the thread who can dm me please.