Posters hiding the sex board won't change MN dynamics.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

This new policy of 'if you don't like it, don't look' doesn't seem to be about making Mumsnet a safer place more welcoming and inclusive place, it seems to be more about 'look the other way if you are offended'.

One issue with this is that once threads get into active, people then post in the wrong place. Explicit threads won't stay on the Sex board, they will migrate onto chat and AIBU and anywhere that gets more views. We see this all the time with various topics.

Changing the policy so that you only need to have been a member for 7 days before posting on creates another issue of course. It is much much easier for sex trolls to join and start harassing people and messaging them off board. I guess that might help revenue if you are getting streams of re-registering sex trolls coming in.

MN used to take safeguarding seriously.

I also think this actually will exclude people from getting support. You now either have to choose to hide the board and therefore if you have a question or an issue about sex, you can't ask in the right place. Or you have to enable it and see every conversation.

Imagine if you are a Mum with young kids, sex has gone down the pan and you want some advice. You might not want your partner to see it. Your choice is: hide the topic and don't get that help you'd like. Or enable it and risk your kids or your partner seeing the threads on your screen.

This is a separate conversation to the very valuable safeguarding conversation about the sex chat threads.

I appreciate what you’re saying however I have posted on the sex board a few times (under a different username) and commented and got nothing but lovely advice and not a single private message.

I don’t view it as a corner of unsolicited perverts, it’s been an avenue to safely discuss a pass time that created most of our children. Its part of human nature. I don’t particularly like sex specific forums, or porn and like that it’s a freely spoken chat with like minded people with no judgment. My DC or DH have never seen it on my phone as you have to click specific threads and I don’t have MN open (I close down browsers once used).

I do agree that it shouldn’t appear in active but to see every conversation on the topic you still have to click on each thread, which is still down to the user to do, otherwise it’s just a lot of (rude-ish)titles and that’s it.

Strongly agree with OP here - another very good reason why it shouldn’t be in Active

I can also ditto above
I have posted on the sex board a few times (under a different username) and commented and got nothing but lovely advice and not a single private message

Looks like I will have to hide Site Stuff, as well as Sex board.

Its good to read that it is possible to post on there without being harassed privately.

My perspective is that I actually did want to post a personal and sensitive question on there, under a name change, but Ive had to hide the topic, so I cant. Even if I did unhide it, with the change in policy, it doesnt feel like a safe space.

So I cant get help. Which is frankly shit.

I was thinking that 😂 I've seen more threads about the sex topic than I have seen threads from the sex topic 😂

Hi all

We've posted an update on this thread.

Please do have a read - we will continue taking your feedback on board in the meantime.

@OhYouBadBadKitten I can understand why you might feel unsafe on the topic.

You could be clear in the OP that you only want advice/opinions from other women and I'm sure that would be respected and that choice would be defended by other users of the board.

Thank you Surplus. I'll consider it, that would mean I would need to unhide the topic and consider whether I would be triggered if it went wrong.

I read the reply @LilyMumsnet , thank you for the signpost. It doesn't address my concerns at all though.

Yes, the active issue is a real problem for many members for a whole variety of reasons 😐

MN was never a safe place.

Scroll on by if there are topics you don't like, hide those you don't want to see ever, and leave everyone to get on with the parts they want to. That's inclusivity

You might be sure @Surplus2requirements but I’m not.

I somehow have some difficulty believing the 50 yo M who isn’t getting any at home and is looking for a woman for some sexy chat will respect our wishes for only females to respond.

Why would he try to have a sexy chat with a woman that made it clear she didn't want to even have any replies from men?

I'd defend her right, no doubt many others there would inc MN mods

Wow, thanks

Nothing to see here, folks. Post a thread in Sex and if a man replies, the above poster is on it.

Be as patronising as you like but any man being predatory on an open thread requesting female only responses would be rounded on by males and females alike

I don’t know what’s going to happen and what decisions if any MNHQ will make.
But hopefully the threads in Site Stuff will at least make people aware that if they post in the Sex Topic what to look out for and what to avoid. Which is a good thing.

Yeah well forgive me if I think you might have a dog in the race, @Surplus2requirements

It isn’t about ‘oh it’s OK, men would tell those bad men off for you.’ It’s about wanting it to be a space primarily for women. And at the moment it very much is not.

Yes I get that and think the 90 day thing should be reinstated but I don't see what else can be done without banning all men from MN.
I'm not very invested in the sex board but I'd be gutted to be kicked out from what's been a very valuable and informative forum for me for years

I don't even think there's a way they could ban all men, how would they do that?

You can not possibly be this naive. You are asking why men ignore women saying no and to leave them alone?

You think men take no for any answer. You think they don’t do things when we’ve said we’re uncomfortable with them? And you think some don’t actually get off on knowing women are uncomfortable.

You are either a lucky woman to not have encountered this in your life. Or you’re a man and your privilege is showing. My bet is on the latter.

But even if that happens, the damage may already be done.

Yes I'm a man and came to MN many years ago for reasons far removed from the sex board.
I realise that makes me naive when it comes to what it's like to be a woman and I know there's many dodgy and predatory men out there.
I don't think there's any where near as many on MN and as soon as they show their face they're banned (good).

If only predatory men could be dealt with in the same way irl 😑

You have a fair few posts on the sex board, and a lot of your posts elsewhere are about the sex board.

Agree entirely @OhYouBadBadKitten (except I have no wish to use the sex board myself)

It's already changing the feel of the place. Far more men ostentatiously announcing their presence on various threads, mansplaining and banging on and on and on.

It's already changing the feel of the place. Far more men ostentatiously announcing their presence on various threads, mansplaining and banging on and on and on.

I'm not sure you can really blame the sex topic for that. Hardly a day goes by without MN being in the tabloids or other forms of media, and let's not forget MNHQ put threads on FB and Twitter etc.

Then there are the really obviously goady trolls who wind MNetters up by saying things like 'Man here', and the thread runs into 100s of posts before it gets deleted. I'm not convinced they're all men, but they know how to push the goady buttons and get people frothing.

You are indeed naive.

If you read a lot of posts over there and they don’t ring alarm bells, then you will never understand the issue.

My male partner very much ‘gets it’. He’s disgusted by what I have showed him, as any decent man would be, and he understands why women would feel uncomfortable.

My partner uses a football forum which also talks about many things that are not football related. He said he would feel very uncomfortable if it was invaded by men mainly there to talk about sex. Interestingly, men don’t seem quite so keen to place themselves in the middle of a site mainly used by men with some women contributing.

He finds it shocking that mumsnet allow it. And that it’s being forced upon us more than ever, by placing it in active.