Safeguarding on the sex chat thread on the sex board

[AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace]

There have been a number of threads about changes to the Sex Board and the standard @MNHQ response is that they're taking feedback on board and ask us to hide the topic, which doesn't answer people's questions. I'd really appreciate some answers specifically about the sex chat thread on the sex board.

The user registration requirement to post on Sex has changed from 3 months to 7 days. It was in place to discourage trolls and predators on the Sex board so it would be helpful to know why that's no longer a concern and 7 days is deemed sufficient.

The sex chat thread exists for users to connect via PM for explicit chat and the thread advises posters they can then move that conversation to platforms like Kik and Telegram. At the moment, MN's advice is to report dodgy PMs; once users move off site this of course no longer applies.

Defence of the sex chat thread seems to be 'it's fine between consenting adults'. MNHQ, please could you tell us what measures you take to ensure participants there are adults? Currently, there is no safety warning and no age verification. How do you intend to keep any underage users from accessing this thread? How can anyone on there know that posters are over 18? You have removed the previously existing safeguards; why is this and will you put any more in place?

There is a risk users might feel safer and more inclined to trust a sex chat hosted by a site like MN; it does feel odd that you haven't made any attempt to counter this by pinning a post reminding users that MN can't vouch for anyone on there, particularly now the three month registration period is gone. Do you intend to do this?

Finally, the thread contains a number of married men who 'aren't getting any at home' and are seeking 'any available female' (direct quotes). Can you confirm this is in the spirit of MN and that you're happy to let it stand?

Thanks, and please don't advise us to hide the sex board again, or even just the sex chat thread, we get that's the MN party line but would really like an answer to the actual questions.

Someone has explained how here: Sex board in Active and Ann Summers

nope, that is how to hide it in the app (for anyone who doesn't want to scroll through it all, it's on the last page)

I only use the laptop/desktop site. And i am still none the wiser (but thank you for trying to help)

@Clymene sorry, thank you, i found it.
At last.

I don't know why you can't just click on a topic to hide it, like you can with a thread. You can follow a topic with a button, but to hide it you have to faff in settings.

I wasn't suggesting anything - just pointing out that some people on the sexchat thread use other messaging apps too. I don't.

Nope, this is not good enough.

If you’re actually needing to discuss whether starting a hookup thread on a parenting site, and making that hookup thread available in active where any parent who is sat with a young child on them could be scrolling by it then you have seriously lost track of your priorities.

Why not just be honest for once and be up front about what MN are gaining from this. Because clearly MN HQ thinks this is a fab idea or you wouldn’t have agreed to it in the first place.

Have you learned nothing from the various trolls who have come here over the years to get their rocks off.?

And for the people who say “just hide it,” the problem is that threads always spill over. AIBU used to be considered the place to go if you wanted to vent and where you could post blunt responses (I never agreed with that either but hey-ho), and now that approach has spilled over on to the rest of the boards. It’s only a matter of time before this kind of chat spills over on to the rest of the site as wel.

Do you think there are any safety concerns with the thread as a whole and people using KIK etc specifically? As a user of that thread, would you prefer age warnings/safety notices or do you think they aren't necessary? Asking as a lot of Sex board users agree with non-users on what the resolution should be (eg keepung it off Active) and it just makes MN's stance harder to fathom if those of us on opposite sides want the same solutions.

I agree that the idea of a sex board on Mumsnet is fine, in theory. I had a look before I hid the topic and it's attracted a disproportionate number of men (not to be found on the recipe, or other of that ilk, threads 🤔).

I do think that some additional safeguards in respect of that thread would be a good initiative and I'm sure it's something that MNHQ are applying their minds to at the moment.

I'm not a sex chat user but I do read the board.

I do think there should be some sort of Internet safety guide so nobody unwittingly gives personal identifying details leaving them vulnerable to stalking if they decide to end contact.

I also agree with the idea of taking the Sex Topic off Active and with re-instating the 90 day period before anyone can post on that part of the site

Are there any decent sites which are still actually for women?

There seems to be such a broad consensus on this that if MN want us to believe the changes aren't advertiser-driven (we don't believe this btw!) it's hard to imagine what the 'lively discussions' could consist of. "We've made the site a bit shitter for no reason, shall we change it back or stick with it for the lols"??

I think the feeling amongst a lot of us is that just as I wouldn’t go to a holiday destination where women were abused, no matter how lovely the beaches, I don’t want to use a site where this is going on, even if the other boards are OK.

It’s nothing LIKE black Mumsnetters. BMs was a place for black WOMEN to discuss things that were pertinent and exclusive to them. Not for them to sex chat 🤢

As a female user of that thread, I would be happy with safety notices/ age restrictions.

Hi all,

Thanks for raising this. Mumsnet is a site for adults - we don't check users' ages but if we believe a poster is underage we'll usually suspend their account.

Posters generally use their own judgement when it comes to what they share with others, either on the boards or by PM. We always advise people to be circumspect with what they share but ultimately it is up to the individual and it always has been. We have both a report and block function on private messages, so if you ever have concerns, you can report or block a user right away.

With regards to the content of these discussions and what is and isn't 'in the spirit', Mumsnet's guiding mission is to make Parents' lives easier - the fact that we allow anonymity means that members can talk about and get input and advice on things they perhaps are unable to in real life. But we recognise that people have very different comfort levels when it comes to discussions about Sex. Please do make use of the 'hide topics' in Active facility (go to MyMumsnet, Settings, Talk Settings, Hide topics) if you don't wish to see these discussions.

As ever, we're more than happy to check things out if you have concerns about any posts or posters - please do use the report function.

We are more than happy to add an advice message to the top of the sex board - we'll action that asap. Thanks again for the input.

The sex chat thread is not being used for people to get advice. It's being used by sleazy men for sex chat.

...and sleazy women?

We are more than happy to add an advice message to the top of the sex board - we'll action that asap. Thanks again for the input

My advice message at the top would be-

Watch out for sleazy men especially on the SexChat thread.

It seems so.

I don't think 'sex positivity' means what it says on the tin, frankly. Surely having healthy boundaries and not wanting sex immediately after giving birth are 'sex positive' actions. Along with having spaces that aren't about sex.

In practice 'sex positivity' seems to boil down to 'try this, you might like it, go on, don't be a prude'

With regards to the content of these discussions and what is and isn't 'in the spirit', Mumsnet's guiding mission is to make Parents' lives easier

In what specific ways do you think that providing a space and encouragement for married men and women to openly find people to cheat on their unwitting spouses with is 'making parents' lives easier'?

I'd be very surprised if some of the women who post on that thread are women.

And I would like to add... as the now-adult child of a serially unfaithful parent, in what specific ways do you think that providing that space and encouragement is helping the children of those parents?

Would you also be happy to host threads where alcoholics, drug addicts, and gambling addicts share tips and advice on how to hide it from their partners? If not, why not?

Years ago I had the part of best boy in a panto, traditionally played by a woman so I was a man pretending to be a woman pretending to be a man...

I've not been right since 😂

In your opinion. We have heard your opinion about it many times. Thank you.

I (as I'm sure many other have) have had private messages which I'm pretty sure are angling at trying to get a hook up

Not just my opinion.