Safeguarding on the sex chat thread on the sex board

[AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace]

There have been a number of threads about changes to the Sex Board and the standard @MNHQ response is that they're taking feedback on board and ask us to hide the topic, which doesn't answer people's questions. I'd really appreciate some answers specifically about the sex chat thread on the sex board.

The user registration requirement to post on Sex has changed from 3 months to 7 days. It was in place to discourage trolls and predators on the Sex board so it would be helpful to know why that's no longer a concern and 7 days is deemed sufficient.

The sex chat thread exists for users to connect via PM for explicit chat and the thread advises posters they can then move that conversation to platforms like Kik and Telegram. At the moment, MN's advice is to report dodgy PMs; once users move off site this of course no longer applies.

Defence of the sex chat thread seems to be 'it's fine between consenting adults'. MNHQ, please could you tell us what measures you take to ensure participants there are adults? Currently, there is no safety warning and no age verification. How do you intend to keep any underage users from accessing this thread? How can anyone on there know that posters are over 18? You have removed the previously existing safeguards; why is this and will you put any more in place?

There is a risk users might feel safer and more inclined to trust a sex chat hosted by a site like MN; it does feel odd that you haven't made any attempt to counter this by pinning a post reminding users that MN can't vouch for anyone on there, particularly now the three month registration period is gone. Do you intend to do this?

Finally, the thread contains a number of married men who 'aren't getting any at home' and are seeking 'any available female' (direct quotes). Can you confirm this is in the spirit of MN and that you're happy to let it stand?

Thanks, and please don't advise us to hide the sex board again, or even just the sex chat thread, we get that's the MN party line but would really like an answer to the actual questions.

Lively discussion?
😁
FFS they're whining again.
what about this time?
The sex stuff we got £££ for.
Oh FFS. What's the problem.
It's tacky and a siren to attract pervs.
Probably, yeah, so?
Should we hide it again?
No. We need the cash. They'll get used to it.
They're cross.
Someone go start a p&c v blue badge thread.
On it, boss.

How is it misogynistic? Female posters are (apparently) happily using it For their own benefit.

you may think it sleazy but I don't get how it is misogynistic.

Good god. Why don't they ho the whole hog and put porn on the site? The vibrator was bad enough, shove a lump of plastic up your birth scarred fanny.

Are female posters posting the equivalent of 'not getting any at home, looking for any available female'? Why is it that any woman posting on there gets immediately inundated by PMs from men and not vice versa? Why do so many women come back on disappointed by how grim the messages they receive are? All of those are indicative of misogyny.

We have the relationship board, with so many posters distraught after finding out their partner is sexting randoms or outright cheating, now Mumsnet has a platform to encourage and enable this behaviour 🤔

It might be sleazy but it isn't misogyny.

Surely if you post on a thread asking for explicit chat you should expect to receive explicit chat...?

Yes, I think the issue is that what the women get is misogynistic rather than sexy.

@MNHQ response is that they're taking feedback on board and ask us to hide the topic

i have asked in several places and never got a reply: how do i hide the topic?

FMD.

I didn't know there was a sex chat function. That's fucking grim on here. There are plenty of existing sites for that if that's what you want.

it's anything but 'making parents lives easier'

@HopeMumsnet seriously? It's revenue v what's right. Why is it causing such a debate?? MN either wants to be what it says it is OR it is just in it for the ££££ now. It's up to MN which it wants to be, but it's time to decide & be honest about it.

No, you don't see plenty of women saying how upset/disappointed they are.

Please don't imply that because you've had a quick scroll through that you know all the statistics either.

A stunt pineapple, presumably?

Is it official advice of mumsnet in that section to move conversations to KIK?

KIK messenger is quite dodgy and well-known for the fact that indecent images of children are downloaded and shared there.

I would never advise anyone to download this app on their phone.

No, MN have said nothing. The Kik suggestion comes from the OP of the thread.

and still i don't know how to hide the topic, or where to ask (been on newbies, site stuff... where else can i ask?)

This.

I'm surprised Mumsnet are encouraging users to leave the site.

Or is that to remove liability for anything predictable that ends up occurring to the detriment of a user?

If MNHQ is full of lively discussions about this, then I really suggest they contact some of the posters who are knowledgeable about safeguarding. There are plenty on the feminism and relationships boards. I'm sure they'd be happy to advise for free.

I liked that there was one site on the internet that wasn't as grubby as the rest of it. What was behind the change MN? Is it follow the money?

Watching with interest.

thanks for flagging this up - it's cruelly ironic that we have many posters here supporting women who have been cheated on either IRL or through messaging and then we have a facility that allows the exact same thing to happen. I'm no prude but this is not in the spirit of the site

Ah sorry, my phrasing was unclear. It's posters on the thread suggesting Kik etc, not MN. By allowing the thread to stand, and not deleting those posts if not the whole thing, MN are implicitly endorsing it but not actively encouraging.

Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with having a Sex Board as long as it is for the benefit of genuine Mumsnetters. Sex is an important part of life and there are genuine discussion points (sex after birth? Sex during perimenopause? Painful sex? Good vibrators?)

It definitely shouldn't be a seedy sexting forum though that could lead down darker avenues of the Internet. It needs to be heavily monitored.

"It definitely shouldn't be a seedy sexting forum though that could lead down darker avenues of the Internet. It needs to be heavily monitored"

Agreed. But how could anybody differentiate between a genuine need for assistance and a grotty man looking for wank fodder?

It is difficult to discern, but I imagine a genuine post is more factual and uses neutral language, whereas a "seedy post" uses intimate, sexual, inappropriate language.

why does everything to do with and for women and girls like Mumsnet need to accommodate men that want to have sex?
go on websites for men like PistonHeads or sites discussing football or cricket or similar and there’s no sex section.
I get that we women can like and talk about sex but really once it becomes seedy and clearly full of male posters it’s no longer serving women, its betraying them

Someone has explained how here: Sex board in Active and Ann Summers www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/4748840-sex-board-in-active-and-ann-summers?msgid=124127383#124127383

I did it on my computer and then it transfers across to the app. Haven't seen the sex topic for ages!

Re the 'Sexchat thread' the title suggests (to me anyway) a general chat on the thread about all things sex. Which is what you'd expect in the Sex Topic.

But it's not that and the 'not getting any at home' and 'any available female/married but no sex life to speak of' posts are (IMO) not great.

I don't know how it's 'new and improved' though.