Safeguarding on the sex chat thread on the sex board

[AutumnLeavesFallingIntoPlace]

There have been a number of threads about changes to the Sex Board and the standard @MNHQ response is that they're taking feedback on board and ask us to hide the topic, which doesn't answer people's questions. I'd really appreciate some answers specifically about the sex chat thread on the sex board.

The user registration requirement to post on Sex has changed from 3 months to 7 days. It was in place to discourage trolls and predators on the Sex board so it would be helpful to know why that's no longer a concern and 7 days is deemed sufficient.

The sex chat thread exists for users to connect via PM for explicit chat and the thread advises posters they can then move that conversation to platforms like Kik and Telegram. At the moment, MN's advice is to report dodgy PMs; once users move off site this of course no longer applies.

Defence of the sex chat thread seems to be 'it's fine between consenting adults'. MNHQ, please could you tell us what measures you take to ensure participants there are adults? Currently, there is no safety warning and no age verification. How do you intend to keep any underage users from accessing this thread? How can anyone on there know that posters are over 18? You have removed the previously existing safeguards; why is this and will you put any more in place?

There is a risk users might feel safer and more inclined to trust a sex chat hosted by a site like MN; it does feel odd that you haven't made any attempt to counter this by pinning a post reminding users that MN can't vouch for anyone on there, particularly now the three month registration period is gone. Do you intend to do this?

Finally, the thread contains a number of married men who 'aren't getting any at home' and are seeking 'any available female' (direct quotes). Can you confirm this is in the spirit of MN and that you're happy to let it stand?

Thanks, and please don't advise us to hide the sex board again, or even just the sex chat thread, we get that's the MN party line but would really like an answer to the actual questions.

Loads. But you wouldn’t want to answer them.

Oh no, these men are already so sad that women don't want to read about their penises, now you're criticising their metaphors too? It's probably more proof of how much you hate sex and men (a bit of a refrain from some sex board posters about objectors) because there could be no other reason.

Could they make it a sexual health topic instead? There's probably better safer places for sex chat

I’m not sure that’s quite what MN promised their new commercial partners when they lost their principles.

Oh no, these men are already so sad that women don't want to read about their penises, now you're criticising their metaphors too?

tiny 🎻

Double standards are back everyone, yay, yawn.

Oh. Rightio then.

I think you just don't realise that girls learn from a very young age that saying no to a man = a barrage of abuse for being so uptight, such a prude, so uncool. It follows us through our whole lives: in the workplace, on the street, in the gym, at bars, on the internet. Utter a word against the relentless drip drip drip of sexual harassment that we start encountering in our school uniforms as children and get told you hate sex, you hate men, all the rest of it. And here you are, doing it on Mumsnet.

And some of us, @Rieslinger , hard as you may find it to believe, are happily married to men. Some of us have sons. Or brothers, or male friends, or decent male colleagues whose presence in our lives is valued and positive. We certainly don't hate men. We just want to uphold our boundaries and protect our safety.

Well said. I have a DH some DSs, a brother and a father, and like you loads of brilliant male colleagues. All very positive in RL.

What hook up thread?
You must have to go looking for it.

If you use the word “cunt, you’re a cunt” many times the thread is taken down. So it’s possible to derail threads.

MN do what they want, they make the rules. Just like when they banned fundraising for animals in Ukraine but let the fundraising links for humans stand. Forgetting that those same humans had animals.

Loads of posters have left. This is now a site to be a troll and be nasty to posters- it’s lost any credibility.
Posters will post on subjects they have no interest in simply to be a complete wanker to the OP.

I'm sorry for your experiences but I don't think that I have done any of that here or IRL.

I implied shooting from the hip so how can this be translated onto me in any way that is fair balanced or anything other than assumptive and biased?

If you use the word “cunt, you’re a cunt” many times the thread is taken down. So it’s possible to derail threads.

Only if there's reports. It goes on the volume of reports. If everyone thinks the poster is being a cunt=no reports.

Do you go around calling women 'chintzy gunslingers' in RL too? How does that go for you?

Nobody is shooting anyone so it's all null and void anyway.

You don't think you've done any of that? You called us man-haters. So I pointed out women get called man-haters for objecting to men crossing their boundaries. And now you say you didn't do it? But you did.

Just copying over Justine's response from another thread:

Hi again... Wow so this took off overnight! It's pretty clear from the strength of feeling and reaction to my post that this isn't so much about the actual affects of moving the Sex topic into Active, or the fact that individually you can avoid seeing it by hiding it, it's as much about tone and feel of the site. As such it seems to me there's no point us waiting for the data and so we'll remove Sex from active shortly.

One of the issues that we've got is that Active is very much the home page of Mumsnet for many - and as ComeTheFckOnBridget says lots of other sites do this differently.

When we launched follow topics last month, many users asked for a way to see a feed of the latest threads from the topics they're following - we're working on that feature at the moment and it will be ready to launch soon and I think over time it could be that Active then evolves to become more of an index and less of a landing page. But we'll see how the introduction of feed goes and what the take up is like before thinking about any further changes.

One thing that's been useful about this discussion is that it's made it clear we should formalise our guidelines on how we moderate the Sex board. As we've said, we have not, over the years, had any particular issues with this board (wrt to pervs, sex pests etc) but I agree we could communicate some clearer boundaries with regard to safeguarding and expected behaviour, so thanks to all who've mentioned that - we'll get on to asap.

Something I want to put on record is that this decision to move Sex threads into Active conversations had absolutely zilch to do with the Smilemakers partnership. There was no pressure put on us to make this move and at no point in any thinking about this did Smilemakers come up. Over the years we've literally turned down millions of pounds from brands because we've categorically refused to engage in disingenuous marketing and/or take money from those brands which don't make parents' lives easier - I think we've shown that we're pretty good at resisting commercial pressure.

Thanks as ever for the feedback and good weekends to all Flowers

Absolutely this, come on @Mumsnet, you’re putting off regular posters, who genuinely come to the site for advice on all sorts of topics. You must surely know the kind of posters that will now be attracted to the site.

Oh god, was that his post. His need for trousers with easy access to his cock was ‘Urgent’ apparently. 🤔

It’s a wonder men manage to have sex or get their cock out without pissing themselves when they need the toilet, I mean normal trousers are just so difficult to access their cocks. But no, definitely not a perv. Absolutely not.

What was even worse on that thread was the sheer quantity of posters who found suitable trousers for the OP.

Well said. Thank you

It’s sickening isn’t it.

I read that post to my partner as an example of what is being passed off by mumsnet as helpful threads. He said ‘Wtf, mumsnet expect you to believe that’s not a perv?’ He went on to say ‘if I read that out to my friends or someone posted that on the forum I use, he would be called a perverted bastard, laughed at and then banned’.

Easy access trousers? Like flashers wear? Blimey. I hid the Sex topic a while ago but MN is endorsing indecent exposure and descriptions of chalice sexual abuse now?

child. Thanks, ac 🙄

Ok i feel a bit bad bringing that thread up now. He posted it on the appropriate board in accordance with the tone there and it isn't his fault MN put it on Active. I was irritated by the unfounded man-hating accusation and now apparently I'm the sort of person who finds people's posts on the sex board and references them elsewhere for ridicule. I don't want to be that person. It's another example of how the whole Active thing has been lose-lose for everyone.