I am Spartacus and this is all bullshit
Human beings are a sexually dimorphic species.
Unfortunately for a longlonglong time people with penises were expected to be good at fighting, physical labour and doing clever stuff like science, medicine, law and politics and people with vaginas were expected to be good at nurturing, looking fabulous, and being creative, musical, and graceful. That was all bullshit too.
Of course people with vaginas can be good at and enjoy and want to identify with stuff that was traditionally associated with the male gender. Of course people with penises can be good at and enjoy and want to identify with stuff that was traditionally associated with the female gender.
I fully respect the right for anyone of either sex to wear what they want, call themselves any name they wish and to refuse to conform to the gender stereotypes which are still rampant in our society.
I would LOVE IT if these gender stereotypes could be torn down and become recognised as the damaging bullshit they are.
Personally I don't have a problem with referring to someone as she/her if that is their choice even if they have XY chromosomes but whose vagina and/or absent penis is due to surgery, any more than if their shape was due to androgen insensitivity syndrome.
But the only accurate word we have for people who have vaginas is women. People who have penises are men and there is no such thing as a female penis. Lesbians are by definition women who by definition have vaginas and like having sex with other people with vaginas and are not being discriminatory for not wanting to have sex with someone who has a penis.
The accurate term in our language as it currently stands for a person with a penis who wants to have sex with people who have a vagina by putting their penis into that vagina is heterosexual man. If that doesn't work for you then by all means create a new term - language is constantly evolving and new words are created all the time but the words woman/women and lesbian are not appropriate to be purloined for this use as they are already in regular frequent use for meaning something else.
People with penises do not get the freedom to penetrate women-only spaces which are a hard-won necessity for women in a world still oppressed by bullshit gender-inequality, simply by declaring themselves female (even if only for that one occasion and with every intention to also be male whenever convenient). If they had the remotest understanding of what it is like to be a woman they would never expect or demand such a thing.
The fact that it seems to be preferable for gender-conforming men to agree to impose a redefinition of womanhood in response to these demands, so that old fashioned stereotypes of maleness can persist unchallenged, is also bullshit.
The controversy over the word autogynephilia is bullshit - there is nothing offensive about coining a word for a specific expression of sexual experience. No one is defined solely by one specific thing that sexually arouses them or has to be defined by a word that doesn't apply to them so if you are a person with a penis who isn't sexually aroused by imagining yourself as having a feminine body shape then the word doesn't apply to you and there's no need to be offended. if you are a person with a penis who is sexually aroused by imagining yourself as having a feminine body shape then the word is just translating this concept into Greek so can't possibly be offensive unless you have something against Greeks.
People continuing to state that autogynephilia doesn't exist in people with vaginas haven't quite grasped that this is stating the obvious as people with vaginas don't have to imagine themselves as having a feminine body shape. The opposite equivalent is autoandrophilia and this exists.
I am a woman. I am a scientist and a computer geek. I do not own any dresses, skirts, perfume or makeup. I am married to a man, we have a son who likes ballet and creative expression and played at breastfeeding his dolls when he was younger and also likes lego and spaceships and pretends that everything is a gun. I am also sexually attracted to women though not many people know this as my only two relationships in my life have been with men and have been monogamous - but I also get sexually aroused by imagining myself to have a penis and fantasise about having penetrative sex with both women and men. That doesn't make me a man. They are fantasies. They are not real.
I test as having a very strongly "male" brain. This is a facet of my aspergers syndrome/high functioning autism. That doesn't make me a man - the very concept of there being such a thing as a "male" brain is just another part of the gender-stereotype bullshit that can fuck right off. To adapt a phrase of Eddie Izzard I don't have a man's brain, I have my brain, it is in my head and thinks my thoughts and is part of my personality and I have XX chromosomes and am a woman. To say that a woman should be defined as "male" if she is logical, scientific and a bit crap at emotional connection is more fucking sexist bullshit. To say that a man should be defined as "female" if he likes fabulous clothes and makeup and has no interest in historically "masculine" pursuits is also more fucking sexist bullshit.
I also believe that all individuals are entitled to respect, kindness, and the freedom to present and behave as they choose, as long as they are harming nobody. I do not think that any individual is entitled to force the entire world to redefine objective reality or to believe obvious untruths for the purpose of their own personal identity validation.
I believe that trans ideology is seeking to impose more labels and more oppressive gender-sterotyping rather than freeing individuals from such things. Silencing of biological females, declaring that people with penises have a better understanding of what it is to be a woman than people with vaginas - that is bullshit and I am Spartacus.
I don't want to be banned but if Mumsnet is going to become a place where you can only belong if you swallow the bullshit then I will find a forum that allows me to choose to reject these lies.