If your toddler were Prime Minister...

[KateMumsnet]

Hello all

You may have already had a 'why-is-there-a-live-stream-from-a-nursery-on-telly-OH-NO-WAIT-IT'S-PMQs' moment. It got us wondering - how might the national landscape differ if your toddlers did actually hold the keys to number 10?

Ban on broccoli? Compulsory puddle-jumping? Confectionary industry nationalised? What's the first Act of Parliament your toddler (or ex-toddler) would pass if they were actually allowed to swap wet wipes for Westminster?

pants would be banned

skinned knees would be top of the emergency medical treatment triage list

no one would be allowed to say no, except him of course

grown ups would immediately stop silly things like work, study and discipline

all transactions would be in sticks and stones

this fred is hilarious

If DS ( 9) was PM, you'd only go to school to see your mates and play games. No work ever. The rest of the time would bescreen time by law.

If DD ( 2) was In Charge, we'd all have to live on the beach forever, eating ice cream and chocolate stars. Any friendly dogs would be most welcome to come and play. Wallace and Gromit would be on a constant loop on the telly and we'd all ride around on trikes.

DS would also want everything to be blue. Seems like a vote-winner.

All scientific research would be focussed on the invention of teleporters, thereby eliminating the problem of wanting Grandma NOW when she's in another country.

The national anthem would be the theme to Sofia the First.

Everyone would worship his cat just like he does, so there would be a National Salem day.

He would make enforcing bed times and time out illegal.

Wiping food off faces, wiping noses or cleaning ears would also be reported to social services.

But washing hands in toilet should be allowed

The only film shown on the big screen (and any screen other than peppa) would be Frozen. And there would be capital punishment if one didn't do the obligatory stamping and arm throwing during Let It Go..

Big savings for the NHS - anything that hurts should be treated with a kiss in the first instance.

Everyone would zoom up and down Downing Street on scooters.
All food must be dipped in salad cream.
No helping into or out of car seats is allowed, or the Prime Minister will shout MY DO IT MYSELF!! at you.

Some very odd things would happen to fiscal policy as three penny coins would suddenly be worth more than any piece of paper money. Inflation? Deflation? Who knows? I don't think the markets would like it anyway.

Health policy would be very focused on the right to breast feed and twiddle nipples in public. Preferably topless. And the Basic human right to chocolate buttons.

Immigration policy would be mainly about getting more of the Disney characters into Britain.

Scotland would be welcomed as long as they kept the Balamory folk out. Katie Morag can stay.

No free nursery places and no more women friendly work place policies because mummy is no longer allowed out of the house without explicit permission from her toddler in charge.

An extension of double deckers in public transport and obviously bring back the steam trains.

DS would replace the Bank of England with the Jar of Haribo. And he would be first at absolutely everything. Except to bed.
Doors would be banned.

I'm picturing Nanny Plum in charge. I might even vote for her.

Foreign policy would involve invading lots of places just to make them all sparkly.

Green policy. Save energy cos I'm not tired.

Health. A kiss and a sweet for every ill. That'll sort A&E waiting lists.

The economy. You can pay for it with your change Mummy.

Fire engine drivers and am'blance peeples would finally get the pay and conditions they deserve. See also train drivers, lorry drivers and nee-naw drivers. I fear it would not help congestion, but there's always a trade-off.

Agree that the NHS would be transformed through the medium of slobbery kisses, little pats and a bit of hair stroking on demand.

and all pavements will be turned into trampolines. That'll be brilliant.

sinister my DS still can't understand why we can't get married and he is six! his theory is that if a man and a lady who love each other can get married, two ladies or two men who love each other can get married and even dogs can get married why can't we? because we love each other loads and we would never get divorced because we have to love each other!

My dd would be s of s for education, and all sanctions would take the form of "my teacher face", which is scary enough to sort any misdemeanour.

The day after the last general election I was explaining to 3 year old DS why it was important. I asked if he understood.

He said "prime ministers is like pirates without swords"

I think he understood perfectly!

All toast must be "Tiangles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Square toast is clearly the work of the devil and will NOT be tolerated

All vehicles would have to be red. No exceptions.

Health and nutrition: All milk must be served in bottles. Serving water in sippy cups is acceptable practice but any containing milk must immediately be upended on the nearest soft furnishing. Regular consumption of shaving foam and glitter is also recommended due to recently discovered health benefits including the subsequent production of sparkly poos.

School would only be on Saturday or Sunday. (I often used to say that!)

And if school must be Monday to Friday, valuable Sunday time would not be wasted on going to church!!

All important meetings would be held in Mummy's bed, with chocolate buttons. The national anthem would be changed to the Swashbuckle Salute, the police force would be replaced by fierce, but obedient, dinosaurs, and Fireman Sam would be Deputy PM

I think the metropolitan police and security forces would be scratching their heads on how best to protect a prime minister who will only travel by standing in the basket of his trike....

Everyone and everything would be called Boo Boo!

People not waiting for the green man when they cross the road would be subject to summary execution. She already tells them off.