What would you say to your 15 year old self?

[CatherineHMumsnet]

Mumsnet's 15th birthday is fast approaching (what'll we WEAR?). And that put those of us at MNHQ to thinking - if, by the magic of some time travelling device, we could speak to our 15-year-old selves - what words of wisdom would we impart?

I'd have told myself to ask to live with my grandparents, and not to listen to my step dad when he called me a sponger for wanting to go onto college from school. (He thought I should work rather than go onto college). I'd have also told myself I wasn't to blame for my mum and step dads arguments.

I'd have also told myself to spend more time with my friends rather than my bf.

Oh! And STOP wearing baggy men's clothes to try to hide your figure! You are not fat!!!! You just have big boobs! Do NOT feel ashamed or embarassed about this!!!!! One day you will discover the 'wrap dress' and learn to rock those curves! (I can't promise you won't always feel fat though... sorry... we're still working on that...) x

I'd say..

"Please don't get married at 19.. And then again at 23. That's just embarrassing... for the whole family. And the fairy tale you're chasing doesn't exist.

For everything else.. Carry on... You're not a bad person.. You need the lessons, not me telling you to avoid them. Your children are going to be amazing... And guess what, you're going to end up with a uni degree.. You never saw THAT coming did you!

Ps You're stronger than you think... "

Don't pass up applying for medical school because you don't want an interview . Law is not for you.

Dear Me
Your Mum is older and wiser but she is one person in the world and she doesn't know everything. Be true to yourself in your heart and you'll know you're doing the right thing.
Do not take French. Take geography and chemistry instead. Even if you can't get good enough grades to get into uni, get out there and look at the wider world.
Go to the headmaster and complain about your careers officer. In retrospect you'd have made a shit hot detective.
Go and get a Saturday job somewhere really different.
Go to dancing classes.
Do not be fobbed off with doing an office job. Believe me it is not your thing!
Do not think that having a boyfriend is the most important thing in the world. Being married with kids is wonderful but don't be led into thinking it's the best thing for you. In your desperation you will choose people not appropriate for you because you are trying to please others than yourself.
You look great. You have a great figure

I'd tell me the following "you're not going to believe what you end up doing, your life's going to be interesting and totally different to anything you imagined - basically life will be great with a few rubbish bits thrown in that will keep you on your toes"

Don't end up marrying him, he'll treat you just as badly at 25 as he does at 15. You won't change him, he's a knob and will eventually break your heart.

Work harder and don't get into debt. Your time will come and don't listen to the bullies you are gorgeous with amazing hair and a figure to die for. If you don't think that you'll waste years hating yourself and lose ypur best years. There will be a man called x donor go near him wait for x or x to come along.

Dear 15 year old me
You are lovely and valuable and gorgeous and worth much more than you know. You are kind and have a heart for those in need, and that is such a beautiful thing. Stop hiding your heart and bullying people. Making them feel bad doesn't make you any better.

Stop devaluing yourself and putting yourself in all these dodgy situations just to feel someone's approval. You are a Princess and deserve only the best. Wait until you find a man that can value you for the precious soul that you are, even if you have to wait years and years.

Your life is too important to keep selling yourself short.

One day you'll learn to love yourself and be happy and forgive your mum. You'll find the most wonderful husband who makes you forget the pain of the past, will find your own spirituality and have a beautiful life.

Most of all, you are lovely and loved and loveable, even when you don't know it. Talk to God when you feel lonely or like you want to die. He/she/it will listen and not judge and love you perfectly.

I love you little one
Xxxxx

You're beautiful. You're not pretty but drop dead gorgeously beautiful and believe it.
You need to learn maths. You won't make your WAG goal because the footballers you date are immature pricks and a pass in maths stops you resitting it later on in life.
You're right, lucky santangelo is a much better role model than anyone in real life, don't be talked out of idolising her.
You're cool. Everyone wants to be you so loose the insecurities.
You're so right about the world. So don't go out of control in a few months and party through your exams, and your a levels, and your degree. You could get a first if you used your brain.
Write that novel. In the holidays.
Don't go to uni too far away. You get homesick.
The night you loose your virginity is the stuff teenage love stories are written on so hang onto it another year or two.
Again, you're so right, about everything except not needing maths. Those Friday nights from now until you're 18 are the best nights of your life.

You will never be able to live without music, so again, you're right.

Don't get that perm.
Do get that brace.
Stop weary baggy clothes. You're not fat.
Stop letting the bullying from 3 years ago define who you are now.
Kick up a stink when the school doesn't support you in any way at all with your chronic illness. You deserve better.
Be confident in who you are and ffs stop worrying so much about what others think.

Don't believe anything your mother tells you about yourself.

Treat your mum kindly - she'll help you out many a pickle
Stop being so shy, you're worthy of everyone's attention
Study harder - you'll regret it massively if you don't
Oh and don't throw away that epic knitted jumper with your name on. 18 years later you'll still lament its demise.

I would tell myself to forget about using boys as a way of boosting my confidence and pay more attention to your friend who is having the shittest possible time at home...

Luckily for me, my lovely friend understood that it was immaturity, rather than lack of love for her that caused me to act like Dory every time a shiny new boy came along. We are still friends 36 years on.

Stop worrying because you can't afford/your parents won't let you have exactly the same clothes everyone else is wearing. One day you will really value your individuality so why not start now? Don't dress like you don't want anyone to notice you look different, dress like you mean to look different, walk like you don't care, and start cultivating that bohemian image you'll wish you had tried sooner when you're older. Charity shops are your friend.

In a couple of years' time you will have a boyfriend called Andrew. He's not the right one for you for the rest of your life, but he's a nice guy and doesn't deserve to be dumped suddenly and without explanation because your mum and brother wound you up about him. You could always let it fizzle out naturally when you both go to uni instead.

Sleep with M.K. Life was never going to be like Jackie magazine and he did make you physically weak every time you spotted him in the record shop.

You think you don't want children but you do. Whilst at uni there will be guy there who will be your future husband. Track him down now instead of waiting to meet him almost a decade later. Ignore his crap hair style, once he cuts it short he is hot, honest! Marry early, have kids early so you have time for more than one. Do a masters in social research and have a career in that as you gave a real aptitude for it.
Cut your hair, take diannette as it will sort out your acne.
Do yoga. It'll really help in so many ways.
Don't have sex with random guys because you think it is some sort of feminist statement. You will just end up having sex with many men who you regret having sex with. Except for a Frank in Canada. You won't regret him.

I would say do not get into that 5 year relationship - you're way more amazing than you could imagine so go have fun, be safe and be smart.

Dear FW,

Don't get married or have babies, ever. Don't grow up anymore than you have to. Enjoy your freaking life, always.

Unclench a little, jeez! Who cares that you've got all A grades at Gcse 35 years later?! It willl have no bearing on what you do in later life - live a little instead of having your head in a text book the whole time. You are not just the sum of your academic achievement.

Absolutely Stick to the career you wanted to do since you were a little girl instead of being persuaded that you should do x,y,z instead. And regret it years later. You actually DO know exactly want to do - don't let others doubt yourself.

Use less hair spray.

Marti Pellow is never going to read the poem about him that you had published in Just 17 and fall in love with you because of your quirky sense of humour.

Sweet Valley High books are shite. Ditto Virginia Andrews. What on earth is possessing you to read those alongside Jayne Eyre?

Boys can be just mates. They're not separated into 2 categories: "those I fancy who make me nervous" and "those I discount because I don't fancy them." There is a middle ground that doesn't have to involve fanciability.

Enjoy that figure whilst you've got it.

Don't worry about what people o school think, in a few years you'll be passing yourself at their social media accounts

Be nicer to your mum, in 9 years you're going to have a daughter of your own and realise how much your mum loves you.

Pissing

You couldn't actually tell your 15 year old self these things, though, could you? Cos it's all about the journey, and everybody's got to make their own mistakes to end up where they are, right? But logic aside, I would say,
enjoy your beautiful hair and figure.

Be a bit more ambitious: you could do anything, and 95% of people are less capable than you and just blagging it.
SING! forget acting; it's singing that will make you happy - don't wait until you are 35 to discover this.
Mostly, and to most 15 year old girls, I would quote one of phoebe's songs from friends: " There'll be times when you get older when you'll want to sleep with people, just to make them like you, but... don't!!" Solid advice that I definitely should have taken. But, no harm done; it was all part of life's adventure!

I'd tell myself to forget the boy I thought I was in love with (and waste the next 15 years trying to be what I thoughthe wanted me to be). Stick with the group of friends who were less exciting but not utter dickheads. Get my head down and use the brains I was given on getting to University. God I'd love to go back and change it all, having said that I'm pretty happy with where I am right now which probably wouldn't have happened had I not been a bit of a fuck up!

"You know those days when you don't do your homework, skip school in a panic, have hysterical weeping fits and cut yourself? Don't take another 5 years to notice that you get your period the next day, and it's actually seriously bad PMS. If you take vitamin B supplements you can be sane all month long."