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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

MNHQ

Mumsnet Christmas Appeal/Secret Santa - your thoughts please?

258 replies

JustineMumsnet · 08/09/2014 11:14

Hi all,

It's that time of year again where we are looking towards Christmas and thinking about the annual Mumsnet Secret Santa.

For those of you who've no clue what we're on about, the Mumsnet Christmas Appeal is an annual (obviously) tradition in which MNers nominate other MNers whom they feel to be particularly deserving of support/reward/love to receive a Secret Santa gift. More about it here - and here's how it works plus some FAQs, too.

As we said, it has a long and honourable history on MN - but some have suggested that now we've got Giving Week we should think about retiring the Secret Santa.

So we thought we'd take this opportunity to ask you, before we launch it as usual, if you'd like us to continue with it. We do love helping with the Secret Santa and the thankyou thread is always a very moving read, but it's quite a mammoth thing to organise and there have been a number of complaints about gifts not arriving and/or a lack of thankyou messages which has put a slight dampener on it in recent years.

In short we're happy to stop if folks think it has run its course - and happy to continue if people still think it's worthwhile.

We'd be very grateful for any and all thoughts. Please do post them here.

OP posts:
MrsWembley · 08/09/2014 11:34

I think it's a bloody marvellous thing that you do and would be very sad to see it stopped!

It's all very well people commenting/complaining about other opportunities to give, but Christmas is different. It's a shame if there are ocassionally gifts going astray in the post, but surely these are few and far between?

And those who complain about not receiving a thank-you, well, wow, you really need to grow up... Hmm

stealthsquiggle · 08/09/2014 12:48

I don't think I got a thank you, but then I kept forgetting to check - because getting a thank you was absolutely and completely not the point of the exercise.

I think you should go ahead. It's not like anyone is pressured into giving, either for this or for giving week. It's a lovely thing to do and a great way to put some structure into those that can giving something to those that deserve/need.

PurplePidjin · 08/09/2014 12:56

I think it's a wonderful thing to do, and should be encouraged. I didn't receive a gift this year despite being nominated (I only contacted because I wanted my donor thanked for the kind thought!) and was thrilled to receive a parcel of books Thanks The postage cockup/whatever didn't at all take away from the fact that somebody somewhere thought I deserved a lovely present.

PurplePidjin · 08/09/2014 12:57

Also, I can't necessarily find spare cash for a Giving Week but would happily make something to give as a gift. So the two events cater for different markets IMO

skyeskyeskye · 08/09/2014 13:06

I know that it caused some problems last year as people felt it should only go to people who needed it, but people don't have to sign up for it if they don't want to.

I have both received (stuff for DD) and donated . I have always thanked. I didn't get a thankyou myself last year and then you do wonder if your gift arrived, but what can you do?

I think it is a great idea. Secret Santa. I hope it continues.

Powaqa · 08/09/2014 13:07

I thought last years Secret Santa was going to implode, what with the "Wah Wah, why haven't I been nominated" to the "Wah Wah why haven't I been thanked" posts" There was a lot of criticism IFIRC

Can't you do both (providing the Secret Santa moaners don't come out in force again"?

NormaStanleyFletcher · 08/09/2014 13:11

I am biased. I admit this. I love secret Santa (apart from the moany hits), especially as someone else is running it.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 08/09/2014 13:15

It used to be a fantastic thing when it was an appeal, rather than the secret Santa favourite Mner nomination that it's become.

Now, with the competitive giving, and the poor me begging that usually begins around now, and the favourite Mner thing it's basically become, I think HQ' s efforts could be best spent elsewhere.

I have donated and nominated in the past, and would continue happily to nominate, but I wouldn't donate again under its current setup.

And when I have received a parcel from someone who has taken the time, the effort and the ££££s to get me something, then the first thing I do is acknowledge it. The person may not have done it for a thank you, but common courtesy means they deserve one.

wiganerpie · 08/09/2014 13:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 08/09/2014 13:16

Oops said same thing twice. Not for emphasis but because went to feed cat mid-post.

EvilHerbivore · 08/09/2014 13:35

I too would be very sad to see it stopped, for me, its a part of what makes this forum and gives it its "heart"- last year I received the most beautiful thank you from the person I sent as gift too and this year I was very much hoping now that my eldest is as bit bigger to involve him in helping choose/make something nice, spirit of Christmas and all that.
I agree that there are issues as mentioned above and perhaps some things could be done to improve but I genuinely think it would be a huge shame for it to go...is there anything we could do in terms of making the organisation less of a mammoth task?

BIWI · 08/09/2014 13:45

I think it's something that is at the very heart of Mumsnet, and I'm proud to have been involved in something so genuinely heartfelt and charitable, in the years since it started.

I would be very sad to see it go - and I don't see this and Giving Week to be mutually exclusive.

I think those who moan about other people being nominated, or not being nominated themselves, should take a long, hard look at themselves and ask if they are in the right place. I can't abide the sneeriness of some people when it comes to charity, giving and other people taking part in charitable events.

I appreciate that it takes a lot of effort by MNHQ. And I know that you took it in house when it became too much for one person to do on their own. Perhaps you could take advantage of some of us and ask for people to volunteer to help out in some way?

MNPinto2014 · 08/09/2014 13:45

Please keep it going.

PetiteRaleuse · 08/09/2014 13:53

I was thinking about this the other day. I was nominated last year, and delighted to be. I never received the gift but I did check the threads to see if someone was waiting for confirmation to see if I had received it iyswim, but never saw anyone. It was the thought that counts.

I also donated last year - an Amazon voucher which I sent off in a card with a note. I watched the threads to see if it had been received but saw nothing. I have just been onto my Amazon account and checked the number and it hasn't been cashed. I can only assume I sent it to someone who had no use for it, not having an Amazon account.

So both my giving and receiving didn't work out quite as whoever nominated us planned, but I'd love to donate again this year. The thank you threads are lovely to read there were some wonderful stories of how happy people were because of a thought from a stranger just had to skim over the whiny posts

FarelyKnuts · 08/09/2014 13:57

I personally find christmas a horribly difficult time of year and when I first got involved it was to try and make it a bit more positive. I think it is lovely, I have both donated and nominated when I couldn't donate due to funds and have had a lot of pleasure in knowing other peoples christmas day was a little brighter.

I do agree that people need to check themselves and stop moaning about not getting thanks/parcels, how big/small their gifts were etc and remember what it is supposed to be about. Brightening someones christmas a little bit. Not poverty (although for some it is one of few or the only parcel they get) but just a little token to say someone is thinking of them.

Sparklingbrook · 08/09/2014 14:01

I think it's a lovely idea, but all the endless whinging about it, plus people that don't post a thank you on the thanks thread has killed the spirit of it.

I feel sorry for the person at MN that has to do the job of matching the nominated people with the people that are donating, and sending the emails out, and then to read all the wailing and moaning afterwards. I would be so fed up.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 08/09/2014 14:10

I agree sparkling, I think it's lovely and have taken part before, but now I wonder if it's worth the whining which is really sad.

Perhaps a spending limit would help?

LineRunner · 08/09/2014 14:13

I was nominated last year (I think after my epic pulmonary embolism someone wanted to cheer me up, bless them), and it was very moving and my DCs and I were genuinely thrilled to open our surprises on Christmas Day. I did say thank you and would like to say thank you again to the Mumsnetter who sent us the Amazon voucher, sweeties and brilliant bath stuff.

But dear Lord how much work must it be for MN Towers??

I was also on a Chat thread where some if us just did our own Secret Santa thing, and RoseRedder sent me and the DCs some mega retro sweets and it was bloody fabulous. No-one got ripped off as far as I know and I think everyone said thank you.

Sparklingbrook · 08/09/2014 14:13

I don't think people would stick to a limit, there would be some that given say a £5/£10/ whatever limit would go over it anyway. Then some who would feel they had to spend the limit and couldn't stretch to it?

I don't know what the answer is but if MNHQ did pull it I wouldn't blame them.

TeWiSavesTheDay · 08/09/2014 14:17

True. I can't think of any perfect solutions.

WannaBe · 08/09/2014 14:21

As lovely as the sentiment is, I think that it's A, too much of a popularity contest (i.e. you need to be known/favoured to be nominated) and B, it leaves too many people feeling the need to open up and expose their vulnerabilities to the whole of mn iyswim.

After all, someone can only be nominated if they've declared their situation as being desperate, and doing that leaves them vulnerable to judgement/criticism. And at this time of year anyone who posts about anything financial runs the risk of comments such as "Christmas appeal time again..." etc, so people would need to think carefully about what/when they post for fear of being judged as being grabby when actually they may just want a little support at this time etc.

iK8 · 08/09/2014 14:29

Keep it but only if there are no thank you threads or 'woe is me, nobody loves me waaaaah!' threads.

I liked it much better when it was so secret I didn't even know it existed!

Perhaps if all gifts go via MNHQ there could be a number to text or email to contact to confirm receipt? And if it goes via MNHQ they can send the thank you to the giver.

Sparklingbrook · 08/09/2014 14:42

But dear Lord how much work must it be for MN Towers??

YY ^^

skyeskyeskye · 08/09/2014 14:45

There could be one thank you thread and another thread to check if your gift arrived, to keep it all separate.

If people can't afford to do it then they shouldn't offer to donate. and if you will be upset by not getting a thank you, then don't donate. If you are nominated and then don't get anything, I can understand that it would be disappointing especially if you are in a sad situation at the time. if you are upset at not getting nominated, then tough. Not everybody can or will be nominated. I have in the past nominated both people having a tough time and people who have been a fantastic support to myself.

I would make it very clear if I were MN that it is all to be done in the spirit of Christmas and if you can't do that, then don't get involved.

vezzie · 08/09/2014 14:47

The word "appeal" needs to go - completely. There is a lot of stuff on this thread about how it is optional, a lovely thing you can ignore if it's not up your street, etc. Fine, but the word "appeal" definitely implies asking; and it also implies a sort of value judgement, a sort of properly audited and exalted cause. It feels wrong to me. "Secret Santa" sounds fine, can we just leave it at that? And never ever mention "appeal" at all?

I don't like the popularity contest aspect of things like this at all. I would prefer an opt-in Secret Santa where quiet people could get a gift purely by virtue of being in it. Who knows what secret sorrows lie behind lots of perky posters' upbeat posting styles? Still - that wouldn't bother me at all if the word "appeal" were to disappear, utterly and forever.

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