There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

I completely agree that support is given on the SN boards but only if you are prepared to do as you're told.

Well I have had a ton of support, and think this is bollocks.

If it is 3 particular posters you have a problem with, please stop painting the whole board as a bunch of bullies waiting to prey on new posters trying to find support.

Might be because in two previous attempts I tried (under different names and not based on a thread that has been moved) I got passive aggressive and confrontational responses after I told them what had been advised had been tried already and not worked.

I was in a bad place and practically went through the floor at that one.

Plus, don't know if you've noticed but others on here agree with me. Two that I don't know. I do know five that probably won't post because, to use their phrase not mine, they don't want to 'fall foul of the mean girls'.

Gobby, have I read thiat right - 3 times in 7 years you feel you have been spoken to harshly on the SN boards?

while I accept that it isn't nice that it happens at all, I think starting a thread complaining that the SN boards are always awful, and always nasty, when you can think of 3 threads from the past 7 years is a bit of overkill, surely?

It's been raised again because it's still true.
I'm not talking about the board as a whole, but there are several posters who are downright nasty when it's completely unnecessary.

I think it says a great deal that there are posters who don't feel they can post on this thread.

The biggest issue is that it's not acknowledged that there is an issue.

Regular? I've discussed this ONCE previously, aside from last night.

NewBlue three times FOR ME.
Like I say there are others I've spoken to.

You can't exactly report someone who says "well I think someone who doesn't do x is a terrible parent" because it's not a personal attack, it's regarded as opinion. Very clever way yo make another poster feel shit.

Again - they're not regular.

Actually, Gobby, there have been threads after threads started to try to talk with the posters who fel they have a problem.

they all end up going round in circles. with those posters saying they feel pushed out, but without being able to give actual examples.

thread after thread on the division of the boards, for teens, post teens etc. and then when the teens seciton was set up (against the majority view, btw, who mostly posted that they thought it would become a bit tumbleweed-y as there weren't many posters to use it)there were complaints that the teens section wasn't used - much all round.

yet still the shouts of being pushed out - what> pushed out to a teens section which was asked for? or pushed out because there is no post-19 section (which given how little used the teens section is, might not actually be that well frequented either)

much umbrage at the suggestion that queries are posted on the main board, for no reason that the majority of the posters on the SN board could work out, despite repeated asking.

the issues you raise are acknowledged time and again, with most posters wanting to try to work it through. but no answers are given to honest questions. just more repeating that the SN boards are nasty.

Another low profile mnsn user and frequent name changer. I'm not 'known' on the board. I have had nothing but practical, knowledgable support.

There's not much tea and sympathy, which suits me because I am not asking for sympathy when I post. Tbh who among us has the energy for sympathy when so much action has to be taken.

I certainly do recommend it as a fantastic resource for other parents of kids with sn. Without it my dc wouldn't have half the provision he has.

yes, Gobby, I realise (and did say in my post) 3 times for you

I ask again - surely stating over and over that the SN boards are plain awful, because of 3 threads in the course of 7 years is a bit of overkill?

But, Gobby, you've still not said what you expect MNHQ to do or what you hope to achieve by dropping the "stiff upper lip". Do you want everyone on MNSN to have their wrists slapped? Do you want us to be ordered to increase the fluffy kitten count? Do you want us to be closed down because you feel unwelcome? Or do you just want to whine like a 7 year old?

MNSN's strength is not in sympathy and concerned headtilts. There's empathy by the bucket load, practical advice (often about some quite delicate or unpleasant stuff) and a wealth of knowledge about all the various legal minefields that many of us have to walk through. there are long, long threads where people support each other through doing something to improve the lot of their DCs in one way or another. Sometimes plain talking is necessary and sometimes it does get uncomfortable for people.

I don't recognise what you're talking about at all.

I'm not talking about the board as a whole, but there are several posters who are downright nasty when it's completely unnecessary.

And this is the crux of it IMO. You've just stated it's not the whole board, so I think it's a bit disingenuous to start a thread saying it is. If you have specific people or posts on the board that you feel are not following the guidelines/rules/what have you, then report those posts.

But please keep in mind that regardless of the fact that we are on a SN board, we STILL will have differences in opinion, we STILL will have misunderstandings, we STILL will have days where we might be a bit short tempered... because just like everyone else on all the other boards, we are still people. Often very tired and stressed people, but still people. And you need to remember that you will not always get along with all people.

Seriously, can't we all just play nice?

Not when you talk to other parents that have been burned by it.

Why on earth can posters on there not just allow people to live and let live? Accept that we are all individuals and do things differently and that our children are different and that one therapy doesn't fit all? (Not being ASD specific here, others with different issues have related confrontation about other conditions and therapies).

Why can't people go there to let off steam or complain - like I needed to when my family was rejected by the child disability team for the fourth time for stupid reasons? We don't always want to be told to write to x, y and z. Often I'll do that next week when I've picked myself up and dusted myself off.

Not saying that kind of information sharing is wrong by the way, but when someone says ok thanks good to know but I need to just 'be' for a couple of days there then comes "oh well parents who don't do x are y".