There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

^It wasn't fair to start a whole thread about another thread.
It wasn't fair to pull up one poster whose conduct you had problems with including links to said thread in a very public lynch-her way when posts had been deleted and hq were dealing. Why did Gobby start this thread? Was she hoping for a ban or flounce or what^

MNHQ have seen and comment on this thread, if they thought this was a thread about a thread, it would have been deleted.

The only thing I regret is that it started on another poster's thread, hence why I started this one

Gobby said she started this thread to take the discussion off of Hedgehogs thread.

She also said;

Im not talking about the board as a whole

Many seem to have overlooked that though.

Please PLEASE stop this. It's becoming an exercise in being pedantic.

Let's get the board fixed and move on. This is helping no one.

Please don't tell me how to post.

Someone quoted something I wrote and I replied to them. That's how an online discussion works.

You may not agree with the things I am talking about, but you have no right to silence me, or anyone else.

I'm simply saying this is going around in circles. It'd be much more helpful if we could focus on fixing the sub-topics on the board and quit throwing blame around for perceived slights.

Honestly, is this in-fighting REALLY helping anyone??

Well it is like this zzz. There is this post under the existing posts, you click on it and then type what you have to say. Mind you be careful to follow the talk guidelines. And when you are ready hit either ctrl-enter i love this new feature or the send button.

Oh poo just make sure you edit and don't put post instead of box...

Don't worry, be happy. Feel the love

Ah well mocking amber is maybe just proving her point. I say this as someone who does sometimes post on the SN board.

It is time to draw a line I agree, but I can imagine that's very hard if you feel you've been invalidated.

I didn't intend to mock anyone.
Apologies if that was how it appeared.

You may not agree with the things I am talking about, but you have no right to silence me, or anyone else.

I think you're taking this a bit personally. I simply think it's time to put away the arguments and maybe make a move towards improving the board (as most seem to agree it needs reorganising and trimming a bit).

I didn't claim to have a "right to silence" ANYONE. I asked for the in-fighting to please stop (note the PLEASE as in request not demand) as it's not helping at this point.

But by all means, if people feel the need to continue fighting amongst themselves, feel free to argue, nitpick, piss in corners so you've marked your territory... whatever makes you happy.

It'll create bad feelings and divide the boards even further, but it's obvious that it's more important to have the final say rather than simply being adult and stepping back.

Have at it. Have fun. Pffffft... I'm tired of it all, so I'm just going to wander back to the boards and leave the fighting to those who feel it's important to carry on.

I wasn't mocking. I was just posting without thinking. It is so easy done. Meant as a tease/joke not directed at the initial poster and a side line. In jokes. They happen and it does prove a point. I agree with amber and that there are two discussions going on. Equally I agree with the fact that whilst it would be amazing to remove mis understanding/ill advised postings it is not going to happen very easily because the ropic of SN is so emotive and it is very hard to think clearly and post coherantly when you are in the middle of RL. It would be lovely that more thought would be put in and it HAS to be acknowledged that this goes. I appologise immediately and whole heartedly for missing the point and thus posting a post which could be taken seriously and not in the jokey manner it was intend and thus could cause hurt. It is not meant

However, this thread has highlighted that things that were thought not to be happening where and that there are issues that need resolving. No one id denying that. Just some who are most involved with this would now like to take the discussions on to the point where solutions are found and where it moves away to a better situation. It is not meant to shout people down but try to direct to a satisfactory conclusion.

Things that have come out:

1. subsections are confusing and lead to posts being ignored this is being looked at to see if it is possible to move forwards
2. Some one the people who claimed that this isn't so because they know and frequent the high traffic areas have been highlighted that their attention outside of these areas is needed and are making steps to improve this.

Based on my ill advised post previous to this I am going to go do something productive and come back with a clear head as this med cotail is clearly fucking up the think before post process...

Mothra i think it was my post that that was directed at not yours.

Sorry Moth, wasn't aimed at you at all. Our internet is being so shite I daren't even click on your link it's being so slow! So I apologise too.

I think the danger I fall into is probably being the patronising parent.
I have two adult children, both on the spectrum, both very able and both find it hard to not have the last word, or not to make their point until the opposition has not only conceded but been stomped on, crushed into powder and then scattered to the four winds.
I spend a lot of time in bomb disposal and redirection and explaining.
Occasionally I pull out the 'IF YOU DON'T LIKE LIVING IN PEACE AND HARMONY YOU CAN SOD OFF TO YOUR OWN PLACES' roar.
Sometimes I forget that other people don't appreciate the irony of Kumbaya or the happy doughnut dance or the Singing Bowl Of Silence.
Or even know WTF I'm on about.

But do you know about the box of safety? Mothra has no clue what mothra is on about with the exception of this bit "very able and finds it hard to not have the last word, or not to make the point until the opposition has not only conceded but been stomped on, crushed into powder and then scattered to the four winds."

They each have a box of safety, AKA a bedroom.
DD has the Path of Accelerated Serenity AKA as going for a long walk very fast.
DS has the Cave of Solitude, AKA sitting under his bed with the lights off and a torch and his hoard.

ds has a large cardboard box. Or climbs inside his wardrobe, literally (takes the drawers out and climbs inside literally) God knows how this is going to work when he gets too big for a box cos it goes everywhere (lounge to watch tv from, bedroom etc). Personally my favourite is the saving mum's sanity box of emergency ds bits...

And the Mundanes reading are thinking WTF?
You are safe, fridge freezers come in large boxes. It is however much easier if they can be persuaded to cut a small window, so they can see where they are going whilst positioning the box.
Cabin bed with curtain is what happens when they are too big for a wardrobe.
See, solutions to problems no one realised you had!

That's the difference though Polter, mine are adult with GCSEs and A levels and degrees and stuff. Completely different to someone like Saintly's boy, but mine would totally understand the fascination with handbreaks.
United by our differences.

Ds has a cabin bed (built in though so no underneath) curtains have already been suggested Funny how so different children with different needs have so similar wishes sometimes.