There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

To be honest When I first started posting I didn't feel like I could challenge posters who had been there for a long time, I was scared that I might piss them off. You know what, I got over it, I started posting and realised that we all have very limited time and are trying to help many people as well as juggle our own problems and sometimes posts come accross as blunt. If I found some one over stepping the mark, I pointed it out to them.

If you disagree with something and never challenge people on their behaviour/ report posts, then frankly I don't think you should be complaining about the support offered on the boards.

"Be the change that you wish to see in the world"

It wasn't meant as an excuse, or a validation of what the poster wrote, Zigzag. It was an explanation.
Just like we have had posters over the years with particular bees in their bonnet, from particular approaches to anti-teacher to constantly depressed about feeling excluded and ignored as a poster.
Sometimes posters are carrying a lot that they don't share, but which can affect their posting style.
I rarely post on the boards now, whereas at one time I was rarely found anywhere else. I don't feel unwelcome, just irrelevant. Which is fine, boards change and are shaped by the needs of the posters.

Why are you trying to discredit what the OP's saying by making out she's just doing it for the drama zzzzz?

The OP herself hasn't given a good reason why she's doing it though?

'"Be the change that you wish to see in the world"'

I know I've had times in my life Prof where I just didn't have it in me to change my clothes let alone the world.

If people have got it in them to make changes that's great, but it's not a weakness to need support and not be in a position to challenge anyone individually.

It would be very easy to make a clear split between support and debate.
You can see new people who are not used to the site asking for help and then getting bewildered at how it goes.
There are subjects where I feel that I could be of help but I am not willing to put things of a very personal nature, you have no idea how it will be received.

RightRoyal, it would be nice if that were so, on the net and IRL.

RightRoyal, if there is history, I wish someone would spill as to what it is.

otherwise this is going to go the way of all the other threads about the same topic - lots of repeated assurances that posters feel pushed out. lots of posters from the SN boards saying report/challenge/kick off back if needed, btu please don't just fade away and then repeat stuff about everyone being unwelcome.

MN mantra used ot be 'challenge on the thread' didn't it? it's impossible to discuss it properly otherwise.

MN mantra used ot be 'challenge on the thread' didn't it? it's impossible to discuss it properly otherwise

That is what I and others did last night, then the Kracken was released.

If people have got it in them to make changes that's great, but it's not a weakness to need support and not be in a position to challenge anyone individually.

No you are right. It absolutely is not. I would say this though.

We are all wasting time talking about a problem that does not exist.

There is support on this board, you can clearly see that on this thread as most of the MNSN is here defending it. I bet 99% of the people who use the boards are satisfied with it, so maybe the 1% minority needs to realise that they probably caught people on a bad day(Which is what I suggest maybe what happened with Wet) and maybe people just had to too much on their own plates to offer support.

'The OP herself hasn't given a good reason why she's doing it though?'

That's only true if you don't accept what she's trying to say.

Not that you need a reason to post on MN, aimless/pointless threads are set in the foundations of the first server aren't they?

I know what you mean Mothra and didn't mean to specifically pick on you it was just an example.

I 'excuse' some posters some things too just because I've seen another side to them and they're funny but then I've been on threads where I've been shot down in flames for picking up on something a regular has said because didn't I know, she had other things on her plate and is a lovely poster, I wasn't allowed to say such things.

Of course it happens, all the time (and no I'm not linking to the thread to prove my point )

The Goose and Carrot was a good attempt to give people a place to unwind, have a virtual drink and share without it becoming an Instant Issue with polarisation of opinions.
That still seems to be working well.

Posters not twisting things, making assumptions and making thinly guarded insults dressed up as 'opinions'.

Agree to disagree. Everyone's views are valid (unless troll or PA, obvs).

Allow people to just share without proffering unwanted advice then getting aggro when they say thank you but we're doing something else.

Be a proper community!

that they probably caught people on a bad day(Which is what I suggest maybe what happened with Wet

Calling people cunts and launching character assassinations could be put down to a bad day, but the post and opinion that sparked it all off, that if people can't get support for their children, it is their fault and they are letting their children down, is an opinion that seems to have had a lot of thought put into it. That's not down to having a bad day.

Amber - one poster. one. one poster kicked off last night.

hardly reason to tar and feather the rest of the SN community, surely?

I think it's perfectly valid to point out that if you don't like the quality of support given, you can change it by posting supportively yourself, without someone then extrapolating that to imply that I'm saying you should only post for support if you're going to post to support.

I'm pointing out that some people who claim to feel that the support is lacking are not doing anything about it but moaning.

I'm taking a lot of support right now. I'm battling with DD2 and I can't see the wood for the trees. I feel paralysed by it and don't know what to do or where to turn.

I hope I'm balancing that by offering support where it is needed, but I'm not keeping a running tab! If I end up taking more right now, it'll even out at some point.

I just think it's completely unfair for posters who don't post on MNSN to claim that they are made unwelcome because they refuse to post and have it proved differently.

This happens every few months.

Hedgehog posted a couple of months ago and I spent hours working out her finances for her. I didn't post further on the thread about the situation because it's her private affair. Just like I wouldn't now post any comment about anything to do with her finances, because IMO, I know too much so couldn't post just from the thread information.

I'm surprised that people would assert that Hedgehog has not got support and I'm also surprised that they're blaming the way the thread went on 'MNSN' because one of the posters on that thread happens to be a member of the MNSN board and MNHQ decided to move the thread at Hedgehog's request!

Gobby, I dont' see posters twisting things on SN generally.

I don't see a place where everyone's views aren't valid (usual disclaimers for PAs etc)

there have been times when posters have got aggravated when advice has been knocked back. it has usually been dealt with. and as mentioned earlier, one poster was banned for doing similar.

but again, why taint the whole board because of the views of a minority of posters?

You're right Prof, it might only be 1% of the people on those boards, but that's because the 99% are posters who toe the line and feel comfortable posting, there would be another 58% on top, but they've been put off by how they see anyone posting anything that goes against the party line being treated.