There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

I can't keep up with the pub thread. It doesn't work for me - too confusing with so many different conversations etc.

And I don't tend to post on chat either

Minor protest on my part that I don't want the valuable advice given on those types of threads lost...

Hmm, maybe I need to rethink.

I know, I remember when it was all buckets of wine and comfy slippers whilst we cackled hysterically about some of the truly insane parts of our lives, and the joy of living with aliens. I needed people who understood the funnies, I had enough intense angst and sturm and drang IRL.

I do think the pub is a very useful thread, and the way it starts anew every Friday means that it stays fresh.

It has been acknowledged. All through the thread

What, that the reactions depends on who the posters concerned are?

And no, I don't see that it would put people off. Put people off engaging with that poster, yes. Put people off the thread where the bun fight is, yes

People are telling you here that it puts them off using the boards!

But I would fin t extraordinary if people were out off whole sections, or a whole forum because of how one poster reacts on one thread

I don't know how else I can put it, I have explained that it isn't simply about one poster/one thread, it is the subsequent defending by other members and calls of unfair etc, that can make people feel like its unequal and that not everyone is able to challenge.

I don't think you have been flamed. Not for saying you don't like wets opinion, or that you think her posts on that tread were out if order

I disagree.

The only bit posters have taken issue with is the generalisation across MNSN. which you will say hasn't occurred, but in my opinion and reading of your (and others') posts, it has

I have not generalised. I have tried to explain why isolated events, can put people off using entire boards.

It's probably true that the SN boards are now more about a) Statementing and b) Children with ASD (this was hotly debated by the board over the Christmas period).

However, that's because this is what's posted.

a) is possibly because more children are denied Statements these days, and the SN boards has great collective experience on this.

My posts fit a) but never b) as that's not my DS's needs. I only post what I know about a) Statements and c) Dyslexia (which is probably only 5% of what the board discusses).

We could all generalise about what goes on and the type of posts. But generalisation does a great disservice to the posters who post about everything else including the funny day-to-day experiences of our children; all the varying needs; and all dx that the boards support.

Also, whilst I can never post about b) - I have learnt so much from posters by silently lurking on their threads.

I tried FB support groups, and no-one on there could offer me the practical help and legal advice I needed for getting my DS's educational needs meet. MNSN could and did. On FB I was told to go and talk nicely to the headteacher - failing to realise I'd already done. On MNSN I got told the steps I needed to take. I also got fed up with the FB support group stance that severely dyslexic children just needed an untrained TA to sit with them 1:1 to teach them to read.

It was debated at Christmas why there was the perception that the board was top-heavy with ASD - and many commented back then that this was because that's what's posted. So if you want to post about what DC have been "up-to" - then post it! Many people do. The boards are what people individually make it.

But HQ - please dump all the sub-groups and/or fix the broken links!

Even if it's ASD heavy, that certainly doesn't mean that we wouldn't all welcome people that have children (or have themselves) other disabilities, for heaven's sake. Happy to chat with any and all. May not necessarily have any helpful advice with disabilities I'm not knowledgeable about, but happy to chat.

And I really do think a line needs to be drawn and get past this. By autumn, there'll be loads of new people showing up asking about the new replacement for statementing and about things in general as their children in reception are noted to have SEN/SNs. The last thing needed is a bunch of in-fighting.

Move on, people. Let's get the subgroups sorted and get back to the boards.

That was one of the strengths, may still be for all I know.
Yes ASD heavy, but when someone showed up and said ' My 12 YO DS tied his own shoe laces today, I need to shout it out' everyone would understand why that was a big deal, even if their child with additional needs had been doing that from age 4.
Likewise with the weird stuff, the poo pouffe anyone? We all laughed and sympathised and helped by providing a non-judgemental community.
Whatever our children's needs, a lot of the stuff we face from the wider community is similar, and that gives cohesion.

Even if it's ASD heavy, that certainly doesn't mean that we wouldn't all welcome people that have children (or have themselves) other disabilities, for heaven's sake.

Yep that's exactly my point Alice. I don't post about ASD but am still made welcome and still post about other disabilities

And def yes to the sub-groups being sorted out. MNHQ are you listening? Pretty pleeease

OK as it currently stands we have two suggestions:

1. stickies to direct people to the higher traffic areas within the SN topic or
2. The culling of the no of subtopics with the suggested locking of unwanted topics so that they can be referred back to but it is no longer possible to post in those subtopics.

The lack of the more generalised ramblings posts seemed to happen after some serious trolling threads where people got burnt and the general concensus was that it was better to stick to facts rather then the more personal ramblings. I loved the more personal ramblings as it meant that tiny tips could be picked up and often this was where i found the best advice. It is a shame but i can understand why it happened. If it is returning to the pub thread then that is nice to hear. Yes it might disappear but if it gives the sense of safety and allows a return to more rambling advice then I am glad iyswim.

Not sure which solution is going to be best, there is a number of posters who are thinking that reducing the no of topic areas is going to be a good solution. And personally I am not sure how much the stickies get read (based on the fact that i don't read stickies from other topics -particularly when stressed tbh i am not sure i even notice they are there ) perhaps these two options need to be discussed so we can put forward a clearer statement for intent to HQ?

or 3.
And second stickying threads pointing people to the two main topics and then close them whilst leaving the info there if possible.

(sorry didn't read your post properly first time Rightroyal )

Are the pub threads still running then? I had an MN hiatus for 2/3 of a year, and still haven't trundled back into MNSN. Mostly because I can't find it on the App.

Tbh, it's been quite a time since I posted regularly on MNSN, because the posters that I recognise aren't there so much, and those few of us who happen to have multiple DC's with multiple disabilities, but also have disabilities ourselves, started to get 'shouted down' a bit when we tried to politely explain that this solution or that solution was impossible for us.

I know I'm not the only one in that situation to have stopped using the SN boards as frequently.

What works for a 2-parent family with healthy parents with 1 DC with a disability may not have any way of working for a 1-parent family where that parent has a disability (or two) with 4 DC's who also have multiple disabilities, and certain posters were unable to accept that.

I tend to post on closed fb groups more now. Even they aren't without their issues though...

I'm not one for all the 'honking' either, but I was there long before that started, and was far more jaded and cynical by that point in my 'journey' too.

You CAN be put off the entire SN boards by one poster turning on you, or feeling like they have, and sometimes if one poster gets exasperated with the fact that none of the solutions presented to you will work in YOUR situation, then sometimes others have piled in, and you can feel 'got at' and like the very people that you thought would understand actually don't.

There are one or two others in a similar situation to me that rarely use the SN boards any more.

I remember the last big hoo-haa about the SN boards was when it was just SN children, and people were wondering where they were to post when their young children were to become teenagers.

As my young children then are or are approaching their teenage years, some of those must be young adults now.

A posters is entitled to their opinions. What I would like, is for people challenging such opinions, not to face what we have faced this last few days. We have also been flamed. I don't think that was fair.

It wasn't fair to start a whole thread about another thread.
It wasn't fair to pull up one poster whose conduct you had problems with including links to said thread in a very public lynch-her way when posts had been deleted and hq were dealing. Why did Gobby start this thread? Was she hoping for a ban or flounce or what?

The other thread should have been let lie but came back more times than the terminator and this one was created to put the boot into said poster. Might as well have named her in the title.

Might have missed it but the op here claimed she had been offended/put off on several occasions but some under name changes?
No real date stamped backed up evidence of who said what when or why and therefore you have the

a) i am not naming and shaming perps (even though that was exactly what would happen)
b) the grey area of frequency and number of people others are being offended by. By not naming names you do end up generalising with a sweeping statement of a problem with a board as opposed to a problem with an individual.

"I remember the last big hoo-haa about the SN boards was when it was just SN children, and people were wondering where they were to post when their young children were to become teenagers."

Couthy, the hoo har wasn't that. It was that those posters didn't feel that they should have to post on a board shared with parents of younger children. we spent ages saying we'd be glad to share, in fact would love to. but they wanted their own home. Then when they got it, they decided there wasn't enough traffic and people were ignoring them. In fact last time, as I remember it, it had moved on to complaint that SN teenagers do become adults, you know, and there is nowhere to post for them. posters who point out that they are still the children of the posters, so SN Children is a great place to post are shot down in flames.

I think the SN children board is more advice now because of SN chat and the pub thread, etc. I can't keep up with the pub thread, it's too random for me, but I can see how wonderful it is for many posters, so I'm glad it exists.