There's a real problem on the SN boards

[GobbySadcase]

For a long time now I've been really saddened that I've not been able to post on the SN boards.

I took a brief foray into there when I was a newb years and years ago now and got my head bitten off because I have my own way of doing things with my children. I thought it would be a supportive, empathetic, inclusive place to be.

It happened at a time I was particularly fragile, so I retreated to the main boards thinking it was just me.

Having got to know some other parents who also have children with disabilities I discovered this was not the case. At least five others have left for the exact same reason.

Tonight I responded to a post which stated that I was somehow failing my children. The thread had been moved from a main board, I repeat I do not routinely go to the SN board due to the way posters have behaved to me there on three occasions now. In return I got a personal attack. Someone else backed me, they got further personal attacks.

Neither me or the others who have been attacked retaliated. We stated our views calmly and logically and got MEGA CAPITALS in return.

It seems to be becoming more and more nasty and confrontational on there as time goes on. My concern is that a parent undergoing the diagnostic process or with a newly diagnosed child is vulnerable, and as even saying you want to explore all options is a heinous crime on there may get attacked at a time that really isn't good for them.

I even specifically tell parents I know in RL not to go there, and why.

Thing is, what can be done?

Sorry that post^^ was to Zzzzzzzzzzzz

I strongly suspect that is why a few are not happy to just fall back on the "report post" option, as I think there are precious few truly bad posts on the SN boards. But I think to some extent it works well the way it is. Self-policed to some extent and reporting posts if needed.

I don't know what you post like normally lougle, but you've said you might be an 'acquired taste' and people will know that after they've got to know you.

Does that mean new or occasional posters have to run the gauntlet until they know who's who and what to expect, with anyone saying they're bleaters and letting down their children being excused because they've already paid their subs and therefore anything goes?

Or should every poster be expected to post in a considerate way?

Lougle I've alwAys found your posts to be very , wise full of knowledge and if anything your too hard on yourself

I think the thing is with SN the fact that you have to look for the board does help it. I know that it doesn't show on the main chat after some particularly bad trolling events. So linking to main boards generally isn't necessarily appropriate.

I think the question of types of section or 30 days and posts disappear is irrelevant.
The section of one fraught with stress, guilt, distress and misunderstandings because everyone posting is dealing with challenging circumstance. It woud be miraculous if it was all sweetness and light.

I think there is little to be gained other than that posters ponder whether they are becoming clannish, whether they tend to side with and support those names thy recognise, the posters whose backstory has touched them.

The talk boards are all about human interaction and that is as flawed as it is marvellous. To support and agree with those we like and care about it a good thing.
But to pretend it doesn't happen is nonsense. that really will be a problem. Because this board isn't about parent and child parking or whether one rinses mince so it matters more.

My last visit to the SN board will possibly be my last because I was greeted with taunting hostility. That is an example.

I don't think it represented anything other than posters who feel somewhat in the trenches. But I worry about those who say 'but everything's fine' because if people won't even consider that they might at times be hostile then how can things ever improve?

But it's up to the board because I stick to the main boards now. Bizarrely they are friendlier. But everyone gravitates to where they feel wanted and that's not necessarily a bad thing.

I want to like that post Pag.

The funny thing, though, is that I've never "sided" with anyone on the SN boards. I've never felt the need to choose sides. It boggles my mind that anyone feels they need to.

I do think to some extent that it's perception. I find AIBU and Chat to often be rather hostile and then tend to retreat to the SN boards for awhile.

And I'll freely admit that I can be hostile on a bad day on AIBU or Chat. But if I'm feeling that way, I may snarl a bit on the pub thread, but not at the other posters, more likely just growling about the post on the other board that frustrated me.

'My last visit to the SN board will possibly be my last because I was greeted with taunting hostility. That is an example. '

I didn't want to use your name on this thread Pagwatch, but I remember being impressed with the way that you kept your calm, and didn't resort to attack mode despite being unreasonably treated.
It was unpleasant, with various posters riding their hobby horses into the fray.
You stated your thoughts and withdrew. Very classy.

"I don't know what you post like normally lougle, but you've said you might be an 'acquired taste' and people will know that after they've got to know you.

Does that mean new or occasional posters have to run the gauntlet until they know who's who and what to expect, with anyone saying they're bleaters and letting down their children being excused because they've already paid their subs and therefore anything goes?"

No, it means I'm not a naturally popular sort and not someone who engages in 'chit-chat' easily, so I tend to post responses to posters which are clear, factual and useful, but am less likely to post hugs and snuffles in every post.

It means that if people bother to get to know me they often find that I'm a friend worth having, but I'm the sort that can easily be dismissed as not worth the effort.

Well, I namechange every few months, so unless people run a lexical check on my posts, or have a fabulous memory for details, or have a hit out on me, it's unlikely that I have built up any group interested in my life or whifflings.
That's not why I stay.

That thread, Pagwatch, was the on Saintly & I mentioned earlier.

It made me rejoin (was passing by after stopping in to read a webchat), just to redress the balance a little.

It was a horrible thread, and one I hoped I'd never see in SN. BUtit is also an example of the type of threads of the past - the issues were dealt with on the thread. they were challenged (with grace by you, and probably with shouting and swearing by me), and talked through. nothing was resolved, because it is a topic which polarises opinion. but both sides were aired, and the more, erm, harsh, elements of the thread were challenged.

What hasn't happened is that any of the posters who were challenged on that thread now stomping about saying SN posters were mean to them. POssibly because it was all aired at the time.

I don't think anyone has said that cross words are never spoken on SN, or crap spouted, or harsh words posted in haste.

What has been pbjected to is the generalisation of that across the whole section. I have probably made many posters roll their eyes over my years on MN - again, with the topics I have posted on, and the views I hold on some subjects, I am bound to make a lot of people mutter. BUtI would equally hate it if the posters who dismissed me as a loon for holding those views slated the whole SN section as loons because I happen to post there. I am one poster, and quite easily ignored. I don't hound people with my views (and nor do others on the SN boards).

Stating (repeatedly) that the whole SN section is a barrel of rotten apples who are horrible to newbies and unsuppportive if posters don't agree with the one-way views is just bullshit.

I've only twigged on this thread who you are, Mothra

your namechanges always intrigue me.

I am abysmally poor at keeping track of name changes unless they are incredibly obvious.

I've NC'd a few times, mostly because I was either getting hassle from particular posters out in the other boards (those "oh here we go SNs brigade" comments were getting a bit much) or to keep a bit of privacy from STBXH.

They are rarely linked by anything remotely approaching cohesion.
Mothra is a giant moth who is the foe of Godzilla. It's also what DD called me, when the shit hits her particular fan and she's shaking to the point of not being able to stand up, I used to envelop her and hold her, and she knew all would be well somehow.
When she was at uni, sometimes she'd shut her eyes and feel the Power of Mothra the Mighty wrap around her, and it helped her to face the world, even if I was miles away.

I agree with that NewBlueCoat
I think the SN boards are some of the best parts of MN.
I have posted here about where I see probms occurring -the flip side of the cameraderie if you will - but the good onthe boards def outweighs the bad.

'Stating (repeatedly) that the whole SN section is a barrel of rotten apples who are horrible to newbies and unsuppportive if posters don't agree with the one-way views is just bullshit.'

I genuinely don't think anyone's said that, or even anything close to that.

But if it happens sometimes, as it does on any forum, and regular posters start saying it's OK because it's just how that poster is or they're not like that because they're supportive elsewhere (which is plainly wrong because they are like that), I can see what it might look like to the occasional visitor and how it would put them off.

Without wishing to revisit that Polter. I didn't disagree with a subject being discussed. I disagreed with the tone.
I was a poster 'back in the day' but I have never stopped reading the SN boards.i didn't think that precludes my posting.

Thanks for all the suggestions.

As Pag says, there do seem to be (at least) two issues here: the tone of the boards, and to what extent posters find it welcoming or unwelcoming; and the way the board is arranged.

As we've said, from MNHQ's POV we're not aware of long-running problems with tone or unsupportiveness on MNSN. This isn't to say that anyone who thinks otherwise is wrong, just that it isn't on our list of boards that we were aware of being problematic yes we do have a bit of a list of those

FWIW, we agree wholeheartedly that the best way to deal with any tonal problems is for posters to self-police, and set the right tone, as much as they possibly can. And, of course, do please always report and get us to take a look if you think we need to.

The board's organisation is another thing altogether - do please continue to kick this around and we'll have a think about what seems to the best way forwards. One thing to consider is that we would really not like to lose the rather vast archive of older threads currently under other topic headings (and moving them into new topic headings would be an enormous task) - so rather than completely getting rid of old topics, it might be a question of adding a couple of more general topics, as suggested here, and making them more prominent in the topics list so that they're the first port of call for new posters?

And of course my son still has severe issues. I may need less support but I still read and learn.

my recollection, POlter, was not so much that the subject shouldn't be raised on the SN boards (it has been before, and possibly since) but the tone and hounding of others who didn't hold the same view. that is what was being challenged. (ironically, given this thread, and so many others like it)

there was always room for differing views on the SN board. that thread was one where an alternative view was not 'allowed', but it was challenged, vociferously in some cases, in order to keep the SN section as a place where everybodies view and path is tolerated (even if not understood)