Trolling of the Bereavement board

[NorthernLebkuchen]

Yet again I have reported a thread which has turned out to be dodgy and deleted. I've lost count of how many that is over the time I've been on mumsnet. Trouble is that on that board, above all others, people want to be kind. People struggling withtheir loss reach out hands to others. It's fantastic support but truly awful when it's some git of a troll getting a very sick kick indeed. So can something be done? Maybe a time delay so no new thread will appear there till checked by MNHQ? Maybe no recent namechanges or new registrations posting unless cleared by MHHQ?

i know none of this is easy to arrange but I really feel something needs to be done. It's just awful.

I agree with nearly all this thread and just want to add...(to state the obvious...but for a good reason...)

This (and other) fanasist trolls did a self-gratifying evil thing. It's as simple and as boring as that. They are entirely responsible and although we naturally use figures of speech such as 'sick' 'ill' etc to describe the behaviour, in truth, the person wrote a fake post because they chose to. (Let's be careful about using mental illness as an insult). I'd rather any trolls who read this thread find themselves spoken about in this boring, no-excuse, entirely responsible way. People find all sorts of ways to justify what they do and refuse to face up to how they just plain chose to do a me-first evil thing. So I'm hoping to give that perspective here! (Hence stating the obvious).

thing is there's no definitive way to confirm whether someone is genuine or not. The only way to confirm if someone is a troll is if they have a previous mn history e.g. if they've been banned under a previous username and their IP clashes with one previously banned. But someone posting for the first time needs to be taken at face value even if they seem suspicious.

Which is why it's just not possible to do anything about trolls on a free website. People just need to be cautious of sharing their most personal life details with someone who they have no idea is genuine or not.

I don't get why people won't report though tbh. mn hq don't publish people's suspicions, nobody will know if you've reported, and if there's no reason to believe it's not genuine then they will tell you and move on. Mn hq receive hundreds of reports a day. they don't have the inclination to remember one of them about a poster who happened to be genuine.

I also don't get the "don't talk about how to spot trolls or they'll use it to hide better next time." Do people really think that these trolls don't know what they're doing? There are hundreds of news articles about trolls and the kinds of things that give them away. It's far better to arm people with the knowledge of what makes a troll look more troll-like than to worry about "giving information" to a troll who can find it anywhere else on the internet.

You know the worst thing ? We're five pages into a thread about a thread. The troll is enjoying reading these contributions.

They've probably name changed and have contributed to this thread too.

You know, like when a murderer pretends to care and gets into the search to find the missing person that they've killed.

Everlong has said exactly what I was about to post. I will always report rather than post. Think very carefully before posting, as the OP is almost always ringing bells.

I don't think they should select any threads to be hidden, it would be much better to stop all 'active', 'last 15 mins' etc and make people actively chose topics. I never ever select a topic - I just use the two buttons mentioned and get drawn into topics that I would be better missing. A short while ago there was a technical fault and I couldn't use either and really it was much better. e.g. I have never once gone onto HE but I comment quite a lot, just seeing them when scrolling down- I don't think I am very useful! Now that service us back to normal I am back to my normal browsing.

I feel the need to echo the statement about reporting.

You don't have to be coy about it to HQ. If you think it's not on, say so. Say 'this person seems like a troll.'

HQ will take a look and decide, the OP will never know what you said.

Why be coy?

And if it is upsetting to you personally, you might be better off hiding the whole topic yourself. It's great that you want to help someone, especially if you've been in the situation yourself, but sometimes the most important thing is self preservation.

Good god, was that a troll? That post really upset me :(

Omg I replied to that as I was in tears thinking of what she must going throu I feel so stupid now

Also, everyone who is saying they feel stupid or whatever, really, you shouldn't.

Con men have been taking people in in person for centuries. Don't be surprised you've been taken in by 'words on a screen'.

Hello

As KateMN said yesterday, we're really sorry this has upset so many of you.

The vast majority of threads on MN about bereavement are completely genuine as far as we can tell, and we'd hate people to feel that they can't respond to those.

Sadly/inexplicably, we do have a couple of extremely determined trolls who regularly re-register to do this. We do do everything we can do stop them in their tracks, but unfortunately it's not rocket science to change the necessary registration details and get another registration. If we could stop them before they got to this point, we would.

As lots of you have pointed out, if we put extraordinary barriers in their way, those same barriers would also affect the much greater number of completely genuine people joining up to get much-needed support.

Please, though - feel absolutely free to report any thread about bereavement as soon as you see one, and we'll very happily check it out. You don't even have to think it's suspicious - you could just say 'here's a new bereavement thread, could you please run a quick check on the OP?

As lots of you have said, we'd never tell the OP that their thread had been reported for this reason. And we certainly don't keep tabs on which posters are reporting which threads.

to everyone who answers these threads so generously and kindly. Almost always, you're giving much-needed succour to people in genuine need.

Wow - I'm shocked that the post in question was made up. I must be terribly naive as I believed it and couldn't make it past the first page (I'm a new mum and was only telling my OH about it this morning).

Shocking that someone would do this - they were obviously trying to make a point about leaving babies unattended on sofas or are you sick. I think MNHQ has an impossible task on their hands trying to catch Trolls before they've posted but at least they act quickly once they are aware .

I think you need to remember that someone who makes up a thread about having lost a baby is obviously emotionally traumatised.

No sane person would do such a thing.

I don't think it's right to assume that every troll is a sick individual who gets kicks from making that stuff up. I think that actually, the vast majority of trolls are emotionally needy and have something very very wrong with them.

If you have shown them kindness and compassion then you know what? That wasn't wasted. That may be the only bit of love they've ever received from anyone.

How desperate must you be to make up a story about losing your baby?

So don't think that by posting you have wasted your time. They may not have lost a baby, but I think they were in genuine need and we should really encourage them to reach out for some rl help.

Rowan - OK, will do. I'm glad others reported it.

I read the thread and just had a feeling it wasn't on the level. I attempted to 'Report' it, but it just felt so 'nasty' doubting someone in Bereavement simply because of the way they'd written their OP - it wasn't even as if (at that stage when I read it) they had said anything contradictory or anything - it was simply a feeling.

However, we do have more than our fair share of very fucking warped trolls and I guess reporting doesn't do any harm, even if the poster isn't a troll.

Sad fucking world we live in where people get their kicks from trolling about anything - but bereavement?! Some people are lower than a snakes belly :(

I'm sorry for anyone who did post on the thread, especially anyone who has lost a child, being 'taken in' like that is a horrible feeling - but one most of us have experienced - unfortunately.

THECliff - of course we don't know about this particular poster (MN might be able to enlighten us somewhat, if it's a repeat offender who does all different kinds of mad crap OR who came from the Other Board Debacle), but it's not true at all that the person must be 'emotionally traumatised' Some people are just out and out wankers - truely.

But why?

I don't buy it that people are that cruel and twisted. This person must have some sort of emotional turmoil. They obviously want the attention, so something, somewhere has gone wrong in their lives if the only attention they can get is from trolling about dead babies at Christmas.

Maybe I'm just being a sucker, but I like to think that most people are generally good people and the rest usually have something terribly wrong with them. Not that this excuses their behaviour, but there is usually a motive behind what they do and it's not always 'just because'.

People do just make things up for kicks. My SIL made up a still born son because she was 'jealous of the attention' I got because my son and daughter died. Nothing traumatic in her life, no need for it, just attention seeking.

Some people are just wankers, usually I try and give people the benefit of the doubt, but to try and get sympathy for a fake situation, from people who have actually been in that situation, is disgusting and not worthy of anyones sympathy imo.

I should imagine you feel terrible, angry, betrayed and all those things plus more besides.

I tried to offer an alternative explanation for such trolls. I didn't want people to feel that their heartfelt posts and offers of help had gone to waste. That the troll may well have been a genuinely needy, damaged person and that some of the kindness shown to that person, may actually have got through.

I was trying to help in my own clumsy way.

I read the op and my initial gut feeling was disbelief.

I spent the day feeling bad for being such an unfeeling, disbelieving cow, and mulling over what it said in the post. I don't usually look at the bereavement board and I'd clicked it by accident (fat fingers)

I am going to make it my new year's resolution to actually report posts if they make me suspicious. I've never reported anything before, I've waited for others to do it, but if everyone thought like that nothing would ever get reported.

But attention seeking does mean that in essence, something is wrong, doesnt it.