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Original poster

Husband "hates all my clothes"

360 replies

KizzyA · 05/07/2025 12:37

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" all my clothes.

I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh).

I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style.

I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

OP posts:
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9
Profpudding · 07/07/2025 07:58

300 post about dressing for the male gaze, how depressing

Flyswats · 07/07/2025 08:07

Loopytiles · 05/07/2025 13:14

This sounds like a veiled, negative comment on your weight and perceived level of effort to appear sexy (in the way he thinks of as sexy)

I agree with this 100%. Its like he is saying - if you were thinner, you could still wear these tighter looking clothes like you used to wear -

what are the chances of losing weight? I know I need to, it just takes a bit of will power to put down the ice cream.

kkloo · 07/07/2025 08:18

Noshadelamp · 05/07/2025 13:55

You say you had a deep talk but the result is he doesn't like your clothes? Sounds shallow to me. He's literally objectifying you and you keep defending him.

I'd say that your way of thinking is very shallow, no depth to it at all.

GameOfJones · 07/07/2025 08:18

Prettydress · 07/07/2025 01:45

I think what people are trying to get at is that what you said about not fancying him or not wanting sex was absolutely fair enough. Men who don't pull their weight practically or emotionally (that pretty much was your beef with him if I'm right? ) become completely unattractive. You didn't tell him you didn't fancy him because of the way he looks or how his body is. But because of his behaviour. I bet you couldn't give a flying f* about the cut of his jeans.

Whereas all he had on you was to criticise something visual. When he most probably fully well knows you might feel insecure about your weight and that effecting your self image/what you wear because so much importance is placed on how women look and not what's underneath the surface. And this man, who says he loves you and finds you attractive is saying his fancying you is conditional on what you wear. That seems so immature and superficial at this stage in your lives.

I think that's what a lot of us are seeing as a red flag and we're feeling quite protective of you.

Fwiw I think the birkenstock and barrel leg trouser look is really cool.

I hope he keeps up his end of the bargain.

Quite. I have to say OP's posts were full of red flags for me and I say that as someone that had the 3 year old and the 1 year old and the husband working long hours and no outside family support. DDs are 8 and 6 now so we're a few years on but I think if you're having 4 hour long conversations about the state of your relationship, are planning marriage counselling and your husband is happy for you to be the default parent then what you wear really is the least of your problems? It just seems a really weird thing to focus on.

BusterGonad · 07/07/2025 08:21

Profpudding · 07/07/2025 07:58

300 post about dressing for the male gaze, how depressing

Really? My post was nothing to do with dressing for the male gaze. Can 2 females in a relationship not criticise each other's clothing? Dress to look attractive to one another?

MissedItByThisMuch · 07/07/2025 08:28

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 07:52

For someone commenting on whether my post was rude or not, your vile and abrasive language to me was pretty rude yourself?!

Op has posted on a forum about her husband focusing on not liking her jeans in relationship crisis talks - it’s pretty bizarre to then take offence to people giving their opinion on this. If you don’t want people commenting on it then don’t post about it on a forum.

I hope you aren’t as aggressive with people you disagree with in real life as your jeans will be the least of your worries too.

Show quote history

Vile and abrasive language! 😂😂
Dear me, I hope you’re not as sensitive as this in real life when someone disagrees with you in an actually quite measured fashion or you must have a tough time of it.

CanINapNow · 07/07/2025 08:29

I have found new look (online) best for things that are stylish and actually fit me/look good since having DS.

dottiedodah · 07/07/2025 09:00

I think he is harking back to when you were a teenager/younger girl ,and had all the clothes to show off your curves .Like it or not ,most women's bodies change when they have children .As a young mum you need comfortable clothes to keep up with DC/ doggy! Maybe a middle ground here ,can u dress up for an evening out or for say a family lunch ? SJ are out of fashion right now anyway.Sounds like you have a good RL overall.so just a few tweaks here and there .

Wheezygonzalez · 07/07/2025 09:19

Honestly OP, men will always prefer tight figure revealing clothing, no matter how dated it may be. I think if you asked 100 random men in the street almost all (unless massively into style/fashion) would pick skinny jeans over the looser more trendier styles. They’re simple creatures really. Should he have said it, maybe not, but I wouldn’t take it personally, he’s just being a man.

BrummiMummi · 07/07/2025 09:24

Have a look at Halara - I love their clothes - leather look leggings and jeans but all stretchy and dead comfortable! I have different pairs and styles for all occasions!

Nellynoo182 · 07/07/2025 09:42

Mum of a 1 and a 2 year old here whose body has also changed drastically! I’m short too which I think is hard to dress with today’s fashion.

I tend to wear a tighter top on top rather than the boxy tops and then these trousers which are soo comfy with the kids and can be quickly cleaned with a baby wipe 😂

www.marksandspencer.com/linen-rich-wide-leg-trousers/p/clp60636306?color=BLACK

I feel like a more fitted top on top helps gives me a bit of shape while the trousers skim over some wobbly bits.

Paired with some fashionable trainers like the sambas in a bright colour makes me feel a bit more down with the kids 😂

Crikeyalmighty · 07/07/2025 10:00

@Newmummy343 I agree about wide leg trousers, I look shit in jeans too - I tend to favour good leggings and stretchy low neck wrap dresses and boots or sandals or trainers- my H thinks I look great and he’s a mega trendy 60 year old in All saints/calvin Klein type gear - if I looked shit he would say so - honestly go with what suits , tight shapely dresses and good leggings look great if you are curvy and not tall regardless of what fashionistas who look good in a bin bag say

Profpudding · 07/07/2025 10:13

BusterGonad · 07/07/2025 08:21

Really? My post was nothing to do with dressing for the male gaze. Can 2 females in a relationship not criticise each other's clothing? Dress to look attractive to one another?

Show quote history

Oh good, just 299 then 🙄

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:18

MissedItByThisMuch · 07/07/2025 08:28

Vile and abrasive language! 😂😂
Dear me, I hope you’re not as sensitive as this in real life when someone disagrees with you in an actually quite measured fashion or you must have a tough time of it.

Show quote history

Haha you were literally swearing at me for saying the same as many others on this post, that the husband’s behaviour is a red flag. You may disagree that he sounds like a dick, but it’s weird that it’s triggered you. If your ‘measured’ response is swearing at people you disagree with, I’d love to see what you’re like when you lose it. Charming.

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:21

BusterGonad · 07/07/2025 08:21

Really? My post was nothing to do with dressing for the male gaze. Can 2 females in a relationship not criticise each other's clothing? Dress to look attractive to one another?

Show quote history

I actually don’t think 2 sensible married women at this stage in their family lives would start criticising each other’s appearance during relationship crisis talks, no.

I think ‘dressing to look attractive’ to your partner is a bit odd tbh. Obviously taking pride in your appearance is a different thing, but attraction ought to come from the chemistry that 2 people feel when they feel confident, and accepted for who they are, not having to ‘make an effort’ to keep their partner’s gaze. It feels like only a relationship operating at a really sad superficial level would even contemplate that this is what chemistry and attraction is about.

MissedItByThisMuch · 07/07/2025 10:31

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:18

Haha you were literally swearing at me for saying the same as many others on this post, that the husband’s behaviour is a red flag. You may disagree that he sounds like a dick, but it’s weird that it’s triggered you. If your ‘measured’ response is swearing at people you disagree with, I’d love to see what you’re like when you lose it. Charming.

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Oh dear your reading comprehension isn’t great either, is it? I made no comment whatsoever on the husband’s behaviour. My comments were entirely about people (including yourself) persisting in lecturing the OP, not particularly kindly, about her relationship when her post suggested she is intelligent enough to figure all that out for herself, and additionally she had repeatedly asked people not to. Yes, yes, it’s a public forum and all that, but it seems rather bad manners, as I said, to force your opinion on someone who has clearly and politely said they don’t want it.

Apparently it was my use of the word “fucking” that has sent you into this fit of the vapours - I do apologise if my language was too robust for your delicate sensibilities.

CherryAlmondLattice · 07/07/2025 10:36

Profpudding · 07/07/2025 07:58

300 post about dressing for the male gaze, how depressing

How far we've come...

Honestly, if my DH was so keen on figure hugging outfits, I'd offer to take him shopping for some.

MozzarElla84 · 07/07/2025 10:45

I actually love the dressed down style you have and wish I could pull it off, but I'm very slim and would probably look like a 14 yr old boy in relaxed fit clothes! I think you should dress for you, but maybe there are variations of your personal style (as in the same fit and comfyness but with different fabrics/colors)
With these kinds of relaxed styles I think how you wear your hair and minimal make up can make the look more put together/intentional iyswim.

In any case, I think people look most attractive when they feel relaxed and good in their skin so I would stick with whatever does that for you OP!

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:48

MissedItByThisMuch · 07/07/2025 10:31

Oh dear your reading comprehension isn’t great either, is it? I made no comment whatsoever on the husband’s behaviour. My comments were entirely about people (including yourself) persisting in lecturing the OP, not particularly kindly, about her relationship when her post suggested she is intelligent enough to figure all that out for herself, and additionally she had repeatedly asked people not to. Yes, yes, it’s a public forum and all that, but it seems rather bad manners, as I said, to force your opinion on someone who has clearly and politely said they don’t want it.

Apparently it was my use of the word “fucking” that has sent you into this fit of the vapours - I do apologise if my language was too robust for your delicate sensibilities.

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Yeah your robust language does all seem a bit… intense given the subject matter. Are you ok hun?

I don’t know what ‘fit of vapours’ means but cool.

BusterGonad · 07/07/2025 11:01

Profpudding · 07/07/2025 10:13

Oh good, just 299 then 🙄

Show quote history

😂

BusterGonad · 07/07/2025 11:14

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:21

I actually don’t think 2 sensible married women at this stage in their family lives would start criticising each other’s appearance during relationship crisis talks, no.

I think ‘dressing to look attractive’ to your partner is a bit odd tbh. Obviously taking pride in your appearance is a different thing, but attraction ought to come from the chemistry that 2 people feel when they feel confident, and accepted for who they are, not having to ‘make an effort’ to keep their partner’s gaze. It feels like only a relationship operating at a really sad superficial level would even contemplate that this is what chemistry and attraction is about.

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I don't mean to keep each others gaze as such, I find that term quite annoying, I wouldn't wear grey jogging bottoms and a hoody for a day out with my husband, as it's a disgusting outfit and he'd think I've gone a bit crazy. I usually wear jeans and a shirt or nice t shirt, nothing sexy and nothing to keep his 'gaze' but also not an outfit where I look like something the cats dragged in. Likewise I wouldn't really feel too happy if he started wearing clothes that made him look like a member of East 17. He'd look ridiculous and tbh I'd find it embarrassing. I don't really see what's wrong with saying so. I'm not saying to look attractive, in a sexy, can't keep my hands off off you way. I don't understand why it's all or nothing. Maybe I'm completely wrong and shallow. But I do understand your point about bringing it up during crisis talks about your marriage, it does seem a bit unnecessary and harsh. I guess the husband doesn't like change.

kkloo · 07/07/2025 11:35

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:21

I actually don’t think 2 sensible married women at this stage in their family lives would start criticising each other’s appearance during relationship crisis talks, no.

I think ‘dressing to look attractive’ to your partner is a bit odd tbh. Obviously taking pride in your appearance is a different thing, but attraction ought to come from the chemistry that 2 people feel when they feel confident, and accepted for who they are, not having to ‘make an effort’ to keep their partner’s gaze. It feels like only a relationship operating at a really sad superficial level would even contemplate that this is what chemistry and attraction is about.

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Perhaps you find it odd, but it definitely is not odd. In fact it's very normal and common that people like to dress to look attractive for their partner, even if it's not all the time, many people enjoy doing it at least some of the time, and it's certainly not only in relationships that operate at a 'really sad, superficial' level.

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 11:38

kkloo · 07/07/2025 11:35

Perhaps you find it odd, but it definitely is not odd. In fact it's very normal and common that people like to dress to look attractive for their partner, even if it's not all the time, many people enjoy doing it at least some of the time, and it's certainly not only in relationships that operate at a 'really sad, superficial' level.

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Hmm that’s a bit different to being told by your partner that they ‘hate all your clothes’.

MissedItByThisMuch · 07/07/2025 11:41

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 10:48

Yeah your robust language does all seem a bit… intense given the subject matter. Are you ok hun?

I don’t know what ‘fit of vapours’ means but cool.

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That was sarcasm, but you know, cool (are you 12?).

kkloo · 07/07/2025 11:46

Stepintomyshoes · 07/07/2025 11:38

Hmm that’s a bit different to being told by your partner that they ‘hate all your clothes’.

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I was responding to what you said. You weren't discussing an 'I hate all your clothes' comment. You were responding to a poster who asked can 2 females in a relationship not dress to look attractive to each other. You said that that's odd....even though it isn't at all, not by any stretch of the imagination.

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