Page 11 | Husband "hates all my clothes"

KizzyA · 2025-07-05T11:37:42+00:00

My husband and I had a heart to heart yesterday. We have issues but we've decided to try and work on them. One of the things that came up - that I'm now totally fixated on - is that he "hates" ^all ^ my clothes. I've had two babies in the past 3.5 years, I've gained weight. I probably dress more covered up than I used to but I also like colour, the more modern boxy shapes and things like barrel jeans (marmite, i know!) I mostly wear barrel jeans and a plain tshirt, birkenstock style sandals, that kind of thing. He said I look 'mumsy' (duh). I asked him to send me some things he would like to see me wear, and they are things that I hate / know wouldn't suit me. Skinny jeans, awful black capri pants, the best was a pair of very tailored dark blue jeans - but they don't look comfortable for running around after the babies, walking the dog, etc ! To me, it looks outdated and 2000s style. I'm not going to change the way I dress for him, and he said he doesn't in any way expect me to, but I now feel even more unattractive to my husband than I did before. I'd like to find a middle ground - something I like and that he likes too. The best I could find was those Starlight Nobodys Child dresses. Anybody have any ideas? In need of some inspiration and ideas 🙏

Nantescalling · 06/07/2025 21:57

You said "I'm not going to change the way I dress for him" so I don't really understand why you need tips. Primarily you mentioned that this was in a heart to heart to reconcile differences. My point is - making the effort to please him in this small way could be super conciliatory. Maybe get him to go clothes shopping with you OR look at on-line shops together. Back in the day, shops let you take goods on approval so you just took back what you didn't want. Nowadays, Temu shopping lets you get a refund on one item per order so you order each item separately then everything can be refunded. Your post actually made me laugh. I have been married for 50 years and I realized that some of my husband's underwear he had when we met. Then it was Adonis now it's a Sumo wrestler !

Crikeyalmighty · 06/07/2025 21:57

@KizzyA I do get this because I’m a few stone overweight and my H is always saying ( and I’m 63 but quite youthful looking) - ‘ooh that’s nice ‘ or similar on a great dress-

yep it is - but not at 13 stone odd and 5ft 4 in my case. I honestly don’t think they think that way at all - your H isn’t factoring in fashion has changed, your shape has changed, your lifestyle has changed - personally I don’t like barrel jeans fashionable or not, guess he doesn’t either , but I wouldn’t comment - I don’t like high neck cos style dresses that remind me of the Amish - but again I wouldn’t comment- he’s probably the kind of bloke that would like you in a tight top, nice little pencil skirt and heels- although totally unsuitable for your lifestyle .

ByDenimHedgehog · 06/07/2025 22:04

Maybe if you have asked for ideas on clothing and left out the part about your husband you may have received more of the information you require rather than it becoming a post about defending your DH..

Minnie798 · 06/07/2025 22:24

Go shopping and try on lots of different clothes, see what makes you feel confident and looks flattering. I wouldn't get hung up on what is 'on trend'- some things look awful on anyone who isn't a size 8 and 6 foot.

Original poster

KizzyA · 06/07/2025 22:53

Just wanted to say a huge thank you to everyone who took the time to post ideas, tips and brands etc. Its been really helpful to get various opinions - it's clear we're all so different 😄 I can't respond to everybody, but I've booked a personal shopper appointment which I'm really looking forward to, revisited the topic with my husband and have an online order or two on the go... And I even want to say thank you to the people who commented concerns of my relationship/ husband - most of them came from a good place.

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Original poster

KizzyA · 06/07/2025 22:53

ByDenimHedgehog · 06/07/2025 22:04

Maybe if you have asked for ideas on clothing and left out the part about your husband you may have received more of the information you require rather than it becoming a post about defending your DH..

Yep agreed, that was naive. Heat of the moment.

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Original poster

KizzyA · 06/07/2025 22:57

Sharptonguedwoman · 06/07/2025 17:53

Just a quick thought. My ExDp had two categories of clothes, smart as in a really nice suit or dress and sexy. There was no in between. He couldn't get his head around my working wardrobe at all as it was tidy trousers, shirts/t-shirts and jumpers. I quite often got grubby and dusty at work so that's what I dressed for. Tidy but neither posh nor sexy.
I'm wondering gently, OP if you have one of those. Can't see that your dressing for your day to day life.

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Thank you for writing that kindly, it's appreciated. I honestly dont think its that, he was only talking wide legged jeans over barrel jeans, not a pencil skirt and heels !!

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 22:59

MauveExpert · 06/07/2025 19:33

Humans are visual creatures- it’s not just men, as women do we not want to find our husbands attractive too? I fancy my husband regardless of what he wears but I definitely find him sexier when he’s dressed well. It keeps the passion alive when you can both make an effort for each other.

I don’t think he’s committed the crime of the century by being honest that your clothing doesn’t quite do it for him. Marriage, sexual attraction and chemistry does take intentional effort sometimes and it is important.

Wishing you the best of luck that the changes you both make help. There’s also nothing wrong with you defending him on here against the barrage of “but it doesn’t bloody matter what you look like, he should fancy you regardless” cries. None of the people on here know him and it’s likely that your situation has triggered something in them..

Thank you x

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Original poster

KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:02

LadyVorkosigan · 06/07/2025 12:37

I haven't read all the replies so apologies if this was suggested before. I'm only going to comment on clothing.

A radical idea - stop wearing jeans, or indeed any trousers. They only look good on slim/skinny women, otherwise they don't do anyone any favours. I haven't worn jeans in decades because they are unflattering and horribly uncomfortable. Skirts and dresses are so much more comfortable, flattering, and practical. There's nothing you need trousers for, except perhaps wrangling brambles in the garden. I've been down an abandoned mine in a skirt, I climbed fences (much easier than in trousers as you have better mobility!), I've moved house... You will need decent tights, and I suggest Snags or Better Tights, which come in 7 sizes and are fantastically comfortable, long lasting, and come in a variety of colours.

Try it - you are blessed with an hourglass figure and a skirt with fitted top (not a boxy t-shirt, they make one look like a bloke!), or a nice dress with a defined waist might do wonders. Lots of dresses and skirts now have POCKETS. The higher level of comfort is a nice side effect. You might never look back.

I think he'd love this 😆 ...ive always felt a little more exposed in dresses because my thighs are the biggest part of me. I'm very hourglass (14, even 16 thighs sometimes, 14 top and still a 10 waist). You make the dress / skirt way of life sound very convincing though!!

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:04

Currymaker · 05/07/2025 18:47

Can't understand why so many people are having a dig at the husband. Aren't we allowed to have honest conversations any more? I've certainly felt free to tell my husband which clothes I find him most attractive in. He also knows he's free to wear whatever he likes, and he does, but will occasionally make an effort - and I appreciate that. OP, you might find stuff you both like somewhere like Fatface - their stuff is comfortable, easy to wear, but not frumpy (in my eyes, anyway). Previously I might have said White Stuff or Seasalt, but the problem there is that as soon as you look at it you know where it's from and it places you in a certain demographic. They do occasionbally do something a bit different though.Those Starlight dresses look pretty too, for a night out. And let me congratulate you on having a marriage where you both communicate.

Thank you! I am quite surprised at some of the responses - i thought honesty was good! Not so sure it would be the same if genders were swapped. Good old mumsnet! ...Going to shrug it off !!

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:06

Sgreenpy · 05/07/2025 23:52

I'd start by getting some really lovely underwear that both fits and flatters your figure.
Other posters have given great suggestions on.what clothes to buy -but fatface , m&s/per una, hush, nobody's child, and/or, h&m, white stuff etc are great places to start with and not too budget busting. Vinted is a great source of t shirts/shirts/tops.
Make time for a lunch date, be a little more dressy (both of you!) - whilst your children are in nursery.
Have fun and keep communicating x

Thank you! X

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Original poster

KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:09

Bowies · 06/07/2025 13:04

If you want to change something, the barrel jeans are very marmite.

Go for straight cut higher waisted in a darker denim or black.

I wouldn’t really want to compromise on the boxy Ts & Birkenstocks so can’t help much there!

Ballet style shoes but totally unsuitable for dog walking & small DC.

Your clothes do sound better than his!

I'm confused about whether the ballet shoe thing is in... they were when I was in secondary school, dont they feel like you're wearing school shoes? And do you know of any comfy ones?

I have a burgundy and pink pair of merry people boots for dog walking that I absolutely LOVE.

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:11

TragicMadge · 06/07/2025 13:24

What about re setting your nervous system first spa day/massage for yourself - there's offers on everywhere.
Something will be affordable.

Deep condition your hair

Get some decent underwear

Put some music on, or a cheesy film home spa / face mask.

Dressing better and your sense of self will come once your not in survival mode as much.

Having children is a life change, you've been together a long time and want to keep everything you've built together.
if you re connect to yourself through self care you'd have a stronger inner foundation. And then on the best possible footing to re connect with him.

Thank you. This is such a kind hearted comment. I absolutely will be giving back to myself a little more. Its easy to get lost isn't it!

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:14

SomeKindOfMeh · 06/07/2025 14:06

Women dress for other women. I’d bet most men don’t like the current fashions.

Do you like being a size 14? I’m a 14 at the moment and honestly I’m not wearing the clothes I want to wear - I’m wearing whatever I feel is the most flattering to my current shape. When I was a size 10, I wore completely different things. I wore more “classic” stuff when I was thinner - timeless jeans, simple shirts, fitted sweaters, etc. Now I’m bigger I’m wearing wide-legged trousers and my husband hates them. 😂

No i hate it. But I'm losing weight, it just takes time (thyroid issues, 2 small kids, no time to exercise) ... definitely aiming for at least a size smaller.

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:18

dontwannadothis · 06/07/2025 14:08

So he's doing the absolute bare minimum and your calling it plenty 😂😂 tbf you should probably raise your standards........

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That's not kind. Why did you feel the need to comment? I'm OK with us both doing 50/50...

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:21

Crispynoodle · 06/07/2025 14:28

Ha! What a Dick! I’m 60 and dress very eccentricity so my hubby probs hates what I wear! I couldn’t give a f….

That's nice for you and your husband. But I would quite like us both to like what I wear on occasion- I'm not going out and buying a whole wardrobe of things I dont like. Literally a couple of pieces I know will make him smile and I feel good in.

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:24

Frostiesflakes · 06/07/2025 14:47

I agree. -at 5ft 1 and a size 14 that’s honing to be a huge difference for most people if they were a size 10 before

he’s probably to scared to say to the op it’s about her weight so is using the way she dresses to avoid mentioning the real issue for him

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As ive previously said (quite a few times now) we were having a very honest conversation. I told him I dont find him attractive anymore and I dont really want to have sex with him. Im pretty sure he would have been comfortable enough to respond with the same. But actually he said he wants to see more rather than less. But thanks for your input.

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:26

NazeLife · 06/07/2025 16:24

I honestly can't imagine taking anyone's opinion into account except my own when wearing clothes, apart from my employer I suppose, if they had issues with something! This idea of dressing to be attractive to my husband is so alien to me, the idea that what I wear makes any difference to how attractive he finds what is underneath. Of course you want to look nice and make the most of what you have, and hide what needs hiding, but on your terms not anyone else's. The concept that DH "loves me wearing...." say, dresses, or skinny jeans, or hates me wearing, say, leggings and tunic tops and therefore I should wear more or fewer of them - it just isn't part of my worldview at all and I just cannot imagine him ever expressing that opinion.

I can't imagine taking my employers opinion into account ! But I suppose it depends where you work.

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justanotherdrama · 06/07/2025 23:28

I used to work in a clothes shop years ago and we used to have women who would say things like “if my husband doesn’t like it can I bring it back for a refund”
ofcourse we said yes within the 14 days etc…. But we were all thinking wtaf!!!!! We all thought it was pathetic and I still do I haven’t changed my opinion;

I was very young then early 20’s now mid 50’s and then and now there is no way I’d let some man dictate to me what I was wearing! You sound like you have a great practical style and why let this man try to make you feel uncomfortable in a wardrobe that would suit you if you went back in a Time Machine!!!

I can’t even believe people entertain this??? Is he a control freak in general? Or is it just the clothing? One of my good friends had a husband who tried to control her it did not end well.

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:28

Dancingcandlestick · 06/07/2025 19:43

Ignoring anything relationship related, have you done a colour analysis? To find out what season you are / what shades suit you. There's online tests but the easiest way I found was uploading a make up free pic to ChatGPT. Made a big change for me wardrobe wise postpartum! Easier to get colours right than shapes sometimes, and makes a big difference.

If you like t-shirts & jeans, soft knit or ribbed t-shirts are often more feminine than cotton crew tees. And make sure your bra fits right. Most people have the wrong size on after having kids, and it's very obvious in t-shirts.

Do you wear jewellery often? If your youngest is past the grabbing stage, simple earrings & necklace makes basic tees look better.

Smock waisted tees can also be flattering - h&m have a few that are better on than they look on the site.

Also trying to overhaul my wardrobe at the moment, some nice ideas on this thread!

Thank you! I have booked a personal shopper but chatgpt for colours is a great idea!!

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ISpyNoPlumPie · 06/07/2025 23:29

Oh @KizzyA, honestly your children are too young for you to be thinking about anything but practical clothing. Everything gets covered in mud and body fluids… My only aspiration during that time of my life was showered and clean on in the morning. Fuck skirts and dresses at the play park.

Now I’m into the primary school stage and I still live in leggings, socks, and Birkenstock clogs. My DH has never expressed any preferences around my clothing choices. He’s never said he wants me to look sexy. He does tell me he loves me just the way I am though. I find it so bizarre that any partner would say that. Why aren’t you just sexy to him? Isn’t that normal??

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:32

justanotherdrama · 06/07/2025 23:28

I used to work in a clothes shop years ago and we used to have women who would say things like “if my husband doesn’t like it can I bring it back for a refund”
ofcourse we said yes within the 14 days etc…. But we were all thinking wtaf!!!!! We all thought it was pathetic and I still do I haven’t changed my opinion;

I was very young then early 20’s now mid 50’s and then and now there is no way I’d let some man dictate to me what I was wearing! You sound like you have a great practical style and why let this man try to make you feel uncomfortable in a wardrobe that would suit you if you went back in a Time Machine!!!

I can’t even believe people entertain this??? Is he a control freak in general? Or is it just the clothing? One of my good friends had a husband who tried to control her it did not end well.

Thank you for posting but I'm not sure you've read the whole thing... he doesn't want me to throw all my clothes out, he hasn't told me to change them etc. He said, in an honest and loving way, ive lost my sense of self and confidence and he'd like to see me get it back. I'm listening and looking for advice - a few pieces to add to my wardrobe that I know both of us will love. Granted he has come up with DREADFUL examples... but hes not controlling, thank you for your concern though

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KizzyA · 06/07/2025 23:36

ISpyNoPlumPie · 06/07/2025 23:29

Oh @KizzyA, honestly your children are too young for you to be thinking about anything but practical clothing. Everything gets covered in mud and body fluids… My only aspiration during that time of my life was showered and clean on in the morning. Fuck skirts and dresses at the play park.

Now I’m into the primary school stage and I still live in leggings, socks, and Birkenstock clogs. My DH has never expressed any preferences around my clothing choices. He’s never said he wants me to look sexy. He does tell me he loves me just the way I am though. I find it so bizarre that any partner would say that. Why aren’t you just sexy to him? Isn’t that normal??

Thank you! I think what hes saying is he does find me attractive , sexy etc... but ive lost my sense of self, confidence etc. He'd like to see me get it back. I think thats OK, but thank you for posting - its nice to know i have a few years left of my socks and birkenstocks era 😆

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Thingyfanding · 06/07/2025 23:39

I bought a couple of dresses from Uniqlo recently that were really flattering, easy to wash and practical.
otherwise, I was going to suggest nobody’s child and Oliver bonas. Both have colourful and pretty dresses in so many styles - also nice jeans and trouser options.
I would keep the birks but ditch the barrel legs.
My partner likes me in a more feminine style so I’ve added a few dresses and have realised how easy and comfortable they are.
Also, coordinated sets and playsuits are easy to throw on with not too much thought.

OntheBorder1 · 06/07/2025 23:43

Zebedee999 · 05/07/2025 14:42

Ridiculous. Life is about compromise.

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Not when it comes to the clothes you wear! I've had partners and a DH whose dress sense was quite different to mine, and in my DH's case mine was quite different to his. Neither of us felt the need to "compromise" and wouldn't have dreamed of expecting the other to fit in with our likes/dislikes.