Sexless Marriages Support thread

[Aishabibi]

I’ve noticed since coming onto this section that there are a lot of us in sexless marriages. I wonder if having a thread to share experiences, survival strategies, sex toy recommendations, FwB set ups for those who’ve agreed to open things up or anyone that has managed to get things going again.

my situation is nothing from DH for over 3 yrs. he says he’s not interested at all, no urges whatsoever. He agreed I could explore a FwB, which I did find. Before that, lots of failed attempts to get him interested (lingerie, porn, and a growing collection of toys

I guess the problems stem from a mismatch of libido. It all depends if you are content to be sexless and have a good relationship or want both.

I am intrigued if the signs are there from the start or does the sex stop after years?

It also depends on how you define a relationship,for me , a serious relationship involves sex, otherwise it’s a friendship. I know others will say that doesn’t have to be the case, but I feel DW and I are now just two friends who live in the same house as the sexual side has become virtually non existent. I don’t think the signs are necessarily there from the start, we had a very active sex life for many years, it’s probably only over the last five or six that it’s started to disappear, but is now at the point where personality I stop even trying

In my first marriage it quickly ended up in a 'dead bedroom' situation. That was down to me as I quickly lost all sense of spark and desire towards my DW. She just became sexually undesirable to my eyes. A glut of always seeing her in baggy, plain, beige and brown clothes - and underwear really didn't help. I was after excitement and I found that online and enjoyed a lot of masturbating.

I had two affairs with work colleagues. One wasn't sexual but we did enjoy kissing and had phone sex a few times together.

The second one was sexual and was pure bliss, totally intoxicating. We ended up getting married a few years later. Eventually despite being red hot at the start, life got in the way and our sex life dwindled to a few times a year.

I think early sexual experiences come to play a part in this. And after reading a post on this forum, my wife honestly didn't see herself as sexual at all. She could not understand why I lusted after her and wanted to have sex with her. At all.

She was small breasted and in her head all men wanted a woman with larger breasts. She even told her best friend that we should end up together because "you're blonde and have big tits!" - obvs her friend was mortified being told that loudly by my drunk fiancee at the time...

To all the people here who are struggling, I will say life is too short, and remember there is nothing wrong with you. However much you may feel that way at times. I know I struggled with guilt over the strong sexual feelings I had over the years..