My marriage isn't sexless, but our libidos are wildly mismatched and my husband would, I think, give up on sex entirely if he didn't know how much that would bother me. We have sex perhaps once a month.
My husband says he used to have a very healthy libido but it has dwindled as he got older. He's 52. My thoughts on this are that he expects his libido to drive the bus and that he needs to have the raging horn to contemplate having sex, and so doesn't create opportunities to get turned on - kissing, cuddling, intimacy. He links them to sex, so only does them when he's horny - doesn't seem to consider that doing them could MAKE him horny.
There's lots in our relationship that doesn't work really, all around communication.
It really bothers me. He's been to the doctor, had his testosterone checked, everything is 'normal'. He just has a low sex drive. He suffers from depression which doesn't help, but prior to this his drive was the same.
I feel trapped in our marriage. I can't bear the idea of a life without passion, and the lack of physical intimacy means there's no healing balm to soothe the frayed edges of two people living a stressful life. We don't have that mindless connection. We just have domestic drudgery.
I hate bedtime. We turn off the lights and he falls asleep within 3 seconds. And I lie awake for up to an hour, wondering how the fuck I ended up here.
He says he loves me. I don't think love is enough. I love many of my friends. I want to live with the one that I can fuck.
Anyway, I cope by reading spicy romance and masturbating while he snores.