What is a pervert?

[FordAnglia]

I seem to recall two or three times in this bit of the board where folks have cruised by and used the word pervert, but when I have politely asked for a definition of the term/asked what they mean, the question has always been swerved. I have even been advised to google it, which to my mind seems dubious if not avoidant advice.

The term seems to be tossed around a fair bit, though usually I let it pass.

So what do the good folks of the sex board define the term as?

This is also an opportunity of course for those folks who have avoided questions to have their say and educate us.

I eventually started to dabble a bit after encouragement from some women on here.

Hmm.

I might also say that I found this bit of the board, which I came across god knows how by far the most human and empathetic.

I’ve read that before, almost word for word. The thing is, when unsavoury sorts are here because they want to use others posts for their own gratification or to prey on women etc, of course they will be over friendly and full of faux empathy. They want to lure others into trusting them to share, it’s in their interests to appear

“by far the most human and empathetic.” Some very dangerous people can play a very long game. I’m afraid I see straight through them.

You asked a question in your OP, you haven’t like the answers. You haven’t liked it when a man has advised you to how you act. You haven’t answered whether you now understand what posters mean by perv, although I don’t think anyone can continue not know after reading this this thread.

Within talk guidelines you can continue to act however you like, but others will judge those actions whether you like it or not.

I‘ve seen a change in the board compared to a few years ago. Go back to then, there was far more fantasy bullshit and pervs that was encouraged by others. I’m glad that seems to have changed and I hope that with more people looking at this board, calling it out and reporting, many of the pervs and fantasist fuck off. If people have ruined that for certain posters...GOOD! I hope the so called ‘fun police, fun sponges, thread inspectors, judgmental posters and self righteous prigs’ keep up their excellent work. 🙌

I fear you are reading hostility into my post that I tried hard to exclude. Also I tried quite hard not to tell you what to post and what not to post. I agree that it's not my place. But I do think I have fairly commented on your OP. If you don't think I have, please do say why.

I remember when this topic was a bit more tranquil and discussion was easier. There's still a lot of empathy and good people here. I hope things will quieten down again. Until then, well, I've addressed all that above.

I forgot to mention the sex chat hook up thread, how could that slip my mind? How that was ever thought of to be suitable for mumsnet is beyond me. Mostly men saying ‘not getting any at home’ or similar. Wtaf? Thankfully mumsnet came to their senses. As a op said, happy to be called judgemental on that, some things should be judged! Enabling cheating should never be in mumsnets remit.

OP, please stop dabbling and go away.

Probably not a definition but to me, other than the obvious acts, paedophile, animals , a pervert is someone who makes you feel uncomfortable by their actions or things they say relating to sex, usually on purpose to get a reaction and enjoy it

'Why would you think that it's OK for a man in his late 70s (one of the sex topic's posters) coming on to Mumsnetlooking to chat with other women, about sex, when his wife isn't looking?

Why would you think it's your place to judge and what's his age got to do with it?

Mnhq are perfectly able to moderate this board.

In answer to your question op, imo a 'perv' is someone who participates in or desires illegal sexual activity. On mn however a 'perv' is someone who discusses their sex problems or even chats about their sex lives in a lighthearted manner and perish the thought a man should contribute .

What a weird response @Janiie - no-one is talking about moderating this board.

We're having a discussion; firstly about what the word 'pervert' means, and more recently about judgmental attitudes, and why many posters on MN don't feel that the sex chat/hook-up threads are appropriate on Mumsnet.

But good of you to come along with your clipboard.

Bit ironic to accuse others of having clipboards. You were judging a 'man in his 70s' and others who post here.

If you don't like this board just don't participate?

On mn however a 'perv' is someone who discusses their sex problems or even chats about their sex livesin a lighthearted manner and perish the thought amanshould contribute.

I disagree with this. I havne't commented about whether men should or should not post here - fwiw I think they absolutely should post here if they want to, as long as they stick to the talk guidelines of mnhq.

But a perv on mn to me is someone who posts a sex fetish question on mn, dressed up as a genuine query, which they are using to fill their wank bank. They're being disingenuous and trying to get others to tell stories related to their fetish so that they can have those stories to hand when they want a wank. And that is absolutely regardless of whether the perv in question is male or female.

I agree with this; if you don’t like it here, why are you here? It doesn’t make any sense. I’m not into lots of other topics on here so I just don’t visit them. There’s quite a simple solution if some find this board distasteful.

I didn't say anything about not liking it here?

Those posts are fairly easy to spot!

Not necessarily meant for you, but it doesn’t always need to be said does it?

Well, I don't know. Does it? I have autism, so I tend to like to say things and I don't always get the unsaid things.

Exactly we can all spot troll posts, just report them we don't need busy body speeches.

The problem is there are many genuine posts, mnhq even say they are long term posters but we have caped crusaders instructing all the hapless poor women to 'do not engage! Perv alert!'. Absolutely ridiculous.

I have never made a busy body speech. I report to mnhq and I don't say anything.

Good. Others should follow your example.

The only reason I mentioned anything on this thread is because the OP directly asked for people's personal definitions of a pervert. What have I done wrong?

Nothing. You can have an opinion on this board and what you think a perv is the same as anyone else. Ignore the posters basically telling you to shut up and leave the board.

If you don't like this board just don't participate?

If people highlight pervy posts and report, the board may improve and be something that more women on mumsnet will feel confident to participate in. The answer isn’t not your look here, because we’ve seen that many of the regulars sex posters do not pick up on abuse, vulnerable posters and pervs.

Others have said in the past that they have read a thread with pervy posts that are weeks old, the regulars have posted on it, not pointed anything out as wrong and seemingly ok with the pervy content, but when they have reported it, it has been very quickly zapped! I have reported days/weeks old posts myself and had that happen a few times.

When MNHQ get rid of the men who only use this board to send inappropriate PMs to any woman who has a genuine concern about sex. Then perhaps all us 'busy bodies' will shut up.

Why would you think that it's OK for a man in his late 70s (one of the sex topic's posters) coming on to Mumsnet looking to chat with other women, about sex, when his wife isn't looking?

When that same man of nearly 80 years old is on another forum currently trying to engage and ‘help’ a 16 year old girl with a problem regarding a break up, we should be a little suspicious. Yes, really!

I've had inappropriate messages, report them and they do infact ban them.

What about someone who posts asking for advice on say, oral sex, should they be mocked and derided as a perv?

Of course not. But you must see that many many women won't use this board for advice because they don't want some perv PMing them? It's okay saying 'just report them' but that's not really the point. They shouldn't assume that if a woman wants to discuss oral sex she's up for a bit of sex chat by PM. And there are enough comments about that happening to see it's a big problem with this board.

How do you know its the same person?