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What is a pervert?

517 replies

FordAnglia · 19/11/2023 11:17

I seem to recall two or three times in this bit of the board where folks have cruised by and used the word pervert, but when I have politely asked for a definition of the term/asked what they mean, the question has always been swerved. I have even been advised to google it, which to my mind seems dubious if not avoidant advice.

The term seems to be tossed around a fair bit, though usually I let it pass.

So what do the good folks of the sex board define the term as?

This is also an opportunity of course for those folks who have avoided questions to have their say and educate us.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 28/11/2023 16:51

Just because nothing actively prevents you from colonising the board doesn't make doing so the right thing to do.

Yes. And yet they never stop.
This is not a safe space for women at all.

I've been accused of being a pearl-clutching prude by some people on these boards. Actually, I'm nothing of the kind, but hell would freeze over before I posted in this topic.

I don't want to be some pervert's wank fodder.

porridgeisbae · 28/11/2023 17:11

@FordAnglia You need to ask yourself honestly (though you probably already know very well) what you get out of being on MN.

Then ask yourself whether this is a decent (i.e. not slimy or disturbed) reason to be here. If it's somehow dependent on sexual kicks or psychological kicks at the expense of others (such as winding people up etc) have the decency to go.

lasswibenefits · 28/11/2023 19:15

SoundTheSirens · 28/11/2023 16:45

TBH it doesn't really matter what the dictionary definition of a pervert is; if a large number of women on a female-focused forum, where the vast majority of posters are women, don't feel able to use this board because of the - often correct - perception that a disproportionate number of the posters and lurkers here are men, including some/many who feel justified in sending unsolicited PMs, then this board is failing to cater for the forum's core demographic.

Personally I think it's disappointing - but sadly not surprising - that with the vast choice of places online to find wank bank material and like-minded friends, including some dedicated forums / sites with messaging facilities where users can openly advertise their willingness to receive chat requests, more men can't respect one of the very few female-centric spaces and restrain themselves to responding here only if a poster specifically asks for a male perspective. You don't have to be the dictionary definition of a pervert to put women off by displaying some of the unwanted behaviours many of us encounter in other spheres from men who don't understand or respect reasonable boundaries. Just because nothing actively prevents you from colonising the board doesn't make doing so the right thing to do.

Edited

Fantastic post.

BIWI · 28/11/2023 19:46

Great post @SoundTheSirens

TBH it doesn't really matter what the dictionary definition of a pervert is; if a large number of women on a female-focused forum, where the vast majority of posters are women, don't feel able to use this board because of the - often correct - perception that a disproportionate number of the posters and lurkers here are men, including some/many who feel justified in sending unsolicited PMs, then this board is failing to cater for the forum's core demographic

You only have to look at the relationships board to see that it's where many women are posting their questions about sex, rather than in the sex topic.

DixonD · 28/11/2023 20:16

What are you suggesting MN do about it? Remove the Sex topic? Ban men from the site? That’s impossible (and wouldn’t be right).

porridgeisbae · 28/11/2023 20:51

Ban men from the site? That’s impossible (and wouldn’t be right).

Wouldn't it? I mean, it's unenforcible but there's nothing wrong with the principle maybe. It's called mumsnet. There are other parenting etc forums men could use.

Since87 · 28/11/2023 22:19

For a long time, mumsnet didn’t have a sex board. Their reasons were, that it would attract a ‘shedload of pervs’. That’s a direct quote.

There is something wrong with a site that is predominantly used by females, but, as a pp said, has a sex topic that seems to have been colonised by men. It jars with the rest of the site.

Now we have a man challenging the women here who call out pervs and telling us that our definitions aren’t good enough for him. Another example of a man putting himself in a predominantly female space. Good men just don’t do these things.

BIWI · 28/11/2023 22:50

I don't have a problem with men being on Mumsnet, and in any case, it would be impossible/impractical to try and ban them or prevent them from joining.

I don't have a problem with the sex topic either - there's clearly a call for a place where MNetters can ask questions/discuss issues and experiences with sex in their relationships, or from a specific health point of view.

What I do have a problem with is the type of man who has ended up on Mumsnet, in the sex topic, and who - to quote @SoundTheSirens:

^can't respect one of the very few female-centric spaces and restrain themselves to responding here only if a poster specifically asks for a male perspective. You don't have to be the dictionary definition of a pervert to put women off by displaying some of the unwanted behaviours many of us encounter in other spheres from men who don't understand or respect reasonable boundaries. Just because nothing actively prevents you from colonising the board doesn't make doing so the right thing to do^

It's clear that many of these men only come to Mumsnet's sex topic in the hope that they can 'meet' women, for sex chat. The couple of attempts to set up a new place over on reddit made that abundantly clear, e.g. men expressing their disappointment that there weren't enough women joining their sub. (It could be that some of the female regulars on the sex topic have joined the second attempt, as it's now a private sub - I have no idea who is there/how many have joined).

Since87 · 28/11/2023 23:14

I agree with BIWI. Men on mumsnet, fine, sex board, fine, it’s the type of men using the sex board in the way that they are that is the issue.

I didn’t know they had attempted to set up a reddit sub. I can’t see it working as there won’t be many women wanting to ‘chat’ to men like that. Most of the sex chat thread was men. There’s a reason why they’re on mumsnets sex board and it’s not because they’re super successful with women, no matter what some of them may say.

porridgeisbae · 28/11/2023 23:34

What a way to try and pull though. I mean, most of us are probably past our prime, let's face it.

sherloc · 28/11/2023 23:44

I will admit to approaching middle-age, sadly from the wrong direction.

Since87 · 29/11/2023 00:09

What a way to try and pull though. I mean, most of us are probably past our prime, let's face it.

Men like this are always disgusting and predatory. There’s no prime for them.

porridgeisbae · 29/11/2023 11:59

Men like this are always disgusting and predatory. There’s no prime for them.

I mean, they'd prefer someone young and hot. But they'll probably have anyone to get laid.

Graasspp · 29/11/2023 13:50

Best alternative is to go away forever, please.

FordAnglia · 30/11/2023 21:07

OneAndTheSame · 25/11/2023 16:11

I hope you saw yet another perv thread just deleted OP on here. Another example of perversion.

er no I didn't - have no idea what that means.

OP posts:
Since87 · 30/11/2023 21:34

er no I didn't - have no idea what that means.

You have posted a couple of times since that discussion, why ask now? If you read, you will see the perv was explained. Another example of the ‘shed load of pervs’ mumsnet knew would show up.

Another small post from you saying nothing at all OP. 🥱

FordAnglia · 30/11/2023 21:59

Since87 · 30/11/2023 21:34

er no I didn't - have no idea what that means.

You have posted a couple of times since that discussion, why ask now? If you read, you will see the perv was explained. Another example of the ‘shed load of pervs’ mumsnet knew would show up.

Another small post from you saying nothing at all OP. 🥱

why ask now?

For the simple reason that I am not hard wired into this thread, and was just reading back to answer stuff directed at me. hang onto your socks - I will reply to another question/challenge soon.

OP posts:
Since87 · 30/11/2023 22:45

In all honesty, I’m sure no one actually gives a fuck what you have to say OP, but keeping this thread at the top of the sex board is a good idea so hopefully everyone will read and see just how many pervs there are and the sorts of things they post.

You’re irrelevant to the thread really now OP, so I shouldn’t worry about locating your keyboard, it’s the examples that are useful and the insights from women on a women’s forum.

FordAnglia · 30/11/2023 22:47

porridgeisbae · 28/11/2023 17:11

@FordAnglia You need to ask yourself honestly (though you probably already know very well) what you get out of being on MN.

Then ask yourself whether this is a decent (i.e. not slimy or disturbed) reason to be here. If it's somehow dependent on sexual kicks or psychological kicks at the expense of others (such as winding people up etc) have the decency to go.

Edited

Well since I have been tagged/paged or whatever it's called, I thought I pretty much addressed your question a couple of times upthread. Didn't you see? Am not aware that I need to ask myself anything. For am in touch with myself and know the answers to your apparent questions. (or are they perchance accusations?) In short, at the risk of repetition, I find it interesting and very human (though not always of late on this bit) and honest communication between folks strikes me as good and healthy. I learn a fair bit, gain an insight into a fair bit, laugh and learn. Hell I was even encouraged by the human straight talking common sense I saw on a Meghan Markle thread that the Mnet front page threw at me. "Normally of course I wouldn't go there" to maybe misquote a charming song from a bit before my time. But rewarding.

Thank you by the way for the fake concern for my health and the suggestion that I may be slimy/disturbed. I plead innocent.

On the core question I pretty much agree with what @PinotPony posted above.

And she's (a she?) right about the homosexuality thing. Quite right - the american psychology register or whatever it is called I think only removed the definition of homosexuality as a perversion/mental disorder in the 1970s.

In short, a perversion for me is anything that is not consensual between mentally capable adults. ie Informed consent. Minors, animals come under that heading, for pretty obvious reasons. Ditto any relationship where a duty of care would be assumed. Anything else, none of my concern, even if not my thing.

Can probably plead "guilty" to kinda 2 of the things listed upthread about supposed perversions. But all entirely consensual and I refuse to see the women who lead me that way as perverted or in any way bad.

Must admit the plimsoll thing rather puzzled me .But as I said, you learn things from mumsnet. And unless I have missed something it sounds entirely harmless. Between consenting adults.

Also on the core theme, I must say that I have long found the casual chucking of the term pervert around as deeply off putting. Smacks of disgust about sex. It drags me back to the days of 14 year old schoolkids, who knew not much about anything let alone sex, chucking the term around as a casual insult. I may even as a 14 year old have sought out the more esoteric sections of local bookshops/libraries seeking definitions out off concern that I was so tainted/damned.Then pretty soon decided that most of what I read in those days was rot. Pure rot. Then got on with life.
But the suspicion of folks who indulge in pervert confetti or who claim that a simple definition can be found on google so that they can chuck the term around as a definitive charge without defining it remains.

OP posts:
OneAndTheSame · 30/11/2023 22:56

I agree that it’s the examples of pervs on mumsnet and the women’s insights that are useful and interesting on this thread. The men/pervs here would do well to listen. The waffling is just background noise although it was useful briefly to raise the issue in the first place. As usual it’s the women voices here than have been worthwhile listening to.

Yes to keeping it at the top of the board. 😊

OneAndTheSame · 30/11/2023 22:59

Just noticed the waffling and underwhelming response from OP. Who could have predicted that?

BIWI · 30/11/2023 23:20

But the suspicion of folks who indulge in pervert confetti or who claim that a simple definition can be found on google so that they can chuck the term around as a definitive charge without defining it remains.

LOL LOL LOL

It took you eleven days before you finally gave your own definition.

So I'm not entirely sure what you remain suspicious of!

Posters on this thread have (mainly) patiently explained what they think 'pervert' means, but also why there are issues with some posters on this board.

The only purpose your thread has served has been to highlight those issues. You use a lot of word salad to say very little. And stop with the faux naïveté about not stopping by very often/not being able to find the right keyboard, blah blah blah. You know very well what you're doing/saying/posting about.

TheShellBeach · 30/11/2023 23:46

You know very well what you're doing/saying/posting about

Just as he knows very well where his keyboard is.

TheShellBeach · 30/11/2023 23:48

.............then pretty soon decided that most of what I read in those days was rot. Pure rot.

Oh the irony.

TheShellBeach · 30/11/2023 23:54

Must admit the plimsoll thing rather puzzled me .But as I said, you learn things from mumsnet. And unless I have missed something it sounds entirely harmless.

Well, MNHQ clearly don't agree because they ban the plimsoll troll(s) whenever they start threads on here.

Another example of an obvious perversion, involving children, wearing specific shoes, which the OP considers harmless.

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