What is a pervert?

[FordAnglia]

I seem to recall two or three times in this bit of the board where folks have cruised by and used the word pervert, but when I have politely asked for a definition of the term/asked what they mean, the question has always been swerved. I have even been advised to google it, which to my mind seems dubious if not avoidant advice.

The term seems to be tossed around a fair bit, though usually I let it pass.

So what do the good folks of the sex board define the term as?

This is also an opportunity of course for those folks who have avoided questions to have their say and educate us.

Hopefully this thread has helped you understand what others define as a perv OP?

Examples of things I’ve reported or know others have reported on this board for possibly being pervy include

Posters that seem to have a period fetish
Posters that want to discuss ‘college girl porn’
Posters that post about accidentally stealing knickers
Posters that swap their sex between posting
Posters that seem to have a breastfeeding fetish
Posters that sexualise children
Posters that post about having sex where children may see
Posters that link to sites that have sections for incest and teen sex
Posters who turn a sexual health question into a chance to overshare their sexual experiences
Posters with little posting history asking for others to share
Posters who have sent me unwanted PMs that are sexual

All pervs, all deleted. There’s more, those are just the ones I could think of in a few minutes. Hard to sum them up into a sentence but anyone with normal boundaries knows they’re pervs.

I posted on here about a genuine problem. I had some fantastic replies. I had been so embarrassed, couldn't talk to anyone IRL,so posted on here and had no judgement, had genuinely helpful replies. However, I received private messages from a woman on here offering to send me photos of her private parts. I engaged in conversation with her at first, she seemed quite genuine and helpful, till she repeatedly offered intimate photos of herself that had absolutely nothing to do with my problem. To me, that's a bit perverted.

Tbh your question has set off my 'perv radar' , the faux ' but I don't understand' and wanting more detail.

Obviously the dictionary definition is people with abnormal sexual interests.

But to me a perv (aka sleazeball) is a person (usually a man) excessively motivated by sex- it occupies a lot of his head space and he spends many hours trying to get sex or sexual gratification. He often inflicts this type of conversation on other people.

NewRose's examples are pretty shocking. I've seen a few threads a bit like that.

My this is circular. i fear your radar needs tuning. have not used the phrase 'i do not understand'

But you have talked about things being vague, and people being no help and not answering the question etc.

Which is saying you don't understand.

Because if you understood you wouldn't be asking for more clarification, would you?

So now you've had more replies, what is your definition @FordAnglia?

Posters here have (mostly) taken you at face value and answered your question, with their various opinions.

Except that's not really your agenda, is it?

I'll also add something - I think men coming on to Mumsnet, a place predominantly populated by women, to talk about their sexual fantasies and sending PMs asking for hook-ups/sex, is perverted.

"I'm starting a discussion thread."

"You're all discussing it WRONG."

What was the point? This is ultimately just another thread to tell women off if they dare not to centre the Almighty Penis and its varied peccadillos in all things 🙄

cripes - well that's an illuminating post.

It would be offtopic, but still kind of interesting so feel free to expand on your point/run with it.

well with your post above:
Tbh your question has set off my 'perv radar' , the faux ' but I don't understand' and wanting more detail.

what you are pretty much saying is that a male asking a question is a perv?

But BIWI I pretty much answered that question way way above (in response to one of your posts I think) in, albeit accidental, large bold letters. You saw it I thought.

I thought my "agenda" was pretty clear from the question. Nothing really hidden.

By the by, hope it is clear, by responses to various points/questions are coming together as I only come on at certain times of day. This certain lack of experience on here also accounts for my technical clunkiness in using the quote thing.

My post?

Check back.

I didn't say that.

It was lovemychair.

Several people including me have given you our definitions of pervert but you aren't responding to those. Given that's the question you wanted answering, why is that?

@FordAnglia you didn't, actually, answer my question - you suggested your opinion was similar to mine, but didn't give your own.

yes you are right - it was "lovemy chair" - apologies for my apoparent misquote - but you appeared to be following on from their quote/backing it up.

You’re not being clear at all OP and I think that’s a very deliberate move on your part. 🙄

Posters have given you definitions and examples. If you still don’t understand, it’s because you don’t want to. 🥱

How fucking tedious.

well yes but it's best to give threads some room to breath isn't it?
and am starting to think after some of the posts above that if I do give a more precise view I will be telling folks/women off for being wrong/being arrogant.
which rather comes close to making the whole thing a neo catch22.

1 - ask a question - can't be a question, must have a hidden dark agenda, quite possibly a "perv" (back to beginning)

2 - make a statement, give your own view - arrogant lecturing tosspot.

though I suppose that catch 22 might be illuminating in itself.

I was replying to your post not hers.

Given people have asked you for your views on the question you asked and the replies to it, I hardly think you doing exactly that would be considered your 2.

There's no reason at all that you can't acknowledge the definitions you asked people to give and give your view.

How fucking tedious.

It really is.

It’s been spelt out by posters yet the OP continues to say lots of words which actually don’t say much at all.

Do you now understand what posters mean when they say someone is a perv on here OP? Yes or no answer would be great before you say anything else.

@FordAnglia I risk speaking for others without permission here, but at the risk of a massive mansplain I'll say it anyway because I'm exasperated at the situation and I've seen it go round and round for months and months. I'm sorry if it's a little harsh.

Perhaps the point you're missing is that the amount of threads and posts on here by men who in my view too, seem to be getting just a bit too much of a kick out of it. That's not what the topic is for. It's for discussing sex issues, not for getting off on them. You might say what is one and what is the other is a matter of opinion. Fine. What definitely isn't a matter of opinion is that any woman who starts a thread here gets a bunch of unwanted PMs from men, ie, clearly in breach of the rules. That strikes me as like being rubbed up against by a stinky stray cat every time you step beyond the garden gate, or glared at by the local pitbull, ie, tedious at best and oppressive at worst.

That is the situation on this topic.

And that means any man who posts here is under suspicion ought to stick to the point with what he says, ie, be clear he's not a perv. I hope I do that - I certainly try to. So, don't ask what's perving and what isn't, as it just suggests you're working out where the boundaries are so you can push them. Instead try your best not to be a perv.

Great post @Catullus5

I actually think that @FordAnglia started this thread to 'flush out' the pearl-clutching joy-sucking thread police, (AKA those of us who strongly objected to the sex chat/hook-up threads that were being posted in this topic) to come here and say that everyone on the sex topic is a pervert.

... which of course a) isn't true and b) hasn't happened - everyone has been clear to take his agenda-ridden thread at face value.

Just checking that you now understand OP?

Haha. Comedy value right here.

To trace a feather delicately across the naked flesh of a loved one is erotic, using the whole chicken is pervy.

In practical terms, I think PP are suggesting selfish or one-sided requests. Posters will often be reluctant to disclose their private information but expect intrusive details from others, or are seeking to use others for their own sexual satisfaction without any reciprocation or apparent interest in their victim partner's enjoyment.

>>And that means any man who posts here is under suspicion ought to stick to the point with what he says, ie, be clear he's not a perv. I hope I do that - I certainly try to. So, don't ask what's perving and what isn't, as it just suggests you're working out where the boundaries are so you can push them. Instead try your best not to be a perv.

The assumptions some folk make on here under the influence of their spinning radar amaze me Mr Catullus. Seem to recall that I liked one of your earlier posts but please don't tell me what questions I can ask here or anywhere. I am afraid that it comes across as patronising, or maybe something darker. I am not aware that you are the police of this place or any other.

I have started very few threads on here and for a long long time didn't even post as I had the idea that it was just for women. I eventually started to dabble a bit after encouragement from some women on here.

I might also say that I found this bit of the board, which I came across god knows how by far the most human and empathetic. Though not as true as it once was due to a certain judgemental atttitude which unfortunately crept in in some quarters.

The mods with their all seeing genuine radar are well aware of my activity on here and I will bow to them thank you much, not some self appointed moral police.

"Judgemental attitude"?!

No. Why is it that you refuse to accept that many posters on here (including some of the male posters) thought that the sex chat/hook-ups threads were totally unacceptable on Mumsnet?

Why would you think that it's OK for a man in his late 70s (one of the sex topic's posters) coming on to Mumsnet looking to chat with other women, about sex, when his wife isn't looking?

If you think that's a judgemental attitude - then yes, guilty as charged.

But I think your moral compass is a little askew if you think it's OK.

Go off to the reddit sub if you want to have those kinds of conversations. Mumsnet isn't the place for them, as many of us have made clear - including MNHQ. I genuinely don't understand why any of you would think it is OK.