Being open about penis size with male partners

[BobOn]

Just wondering how many people are open about penis size preferences with their male partners?

DW is now very open about what she likes, however it’s taken her years to get over the “lie to protect his fragile male ego” upbringing.

We now have a much better sex life as a result.

so, for women that have a preference, just wondering how open you are about this? or for blokes, do you feel you’d want to know?

Not easy no. I have been with one. I suppose it isn't easy to be honest unless the man you are with matches what I like, as otherwise all he is left with is a bruised ego. I like large (not too large) but I love circumcised. The only one that matched that was 7-8 inches (I didn't measure it) and fully circumcised. I did tell him how lovely his was and genuinely what I loved. Felt amazing. He was pretty happy as well

Took me a while to be a bit more open about it.

I also like large but not too large but I do prefer natural over circumcised.

In the past I would make up other excuses to end a relationship, and not mention size, then recently started being honest if they fell short, though generally if they pass my minimum I won't mention preferences.

In fact I've only gone into detail, with one guy who had at least 7 inches, was girthy, and uncut.

I think it is easier to be honest with a guy if they fall into your ideal category, rather than with someone who passes minimum but falls well short of ideal.

@BobOn What was the situation in your case? Did you match her preferences?

Thanks for your replies @namechangedyorkshire and @ScottishZoe.

I can really understand not being open unless they hit the spot and meet your preferences.

Before me, my DW hadn't had many partners and they were all 8 inches plus with large girth. She thought average was not to be able to get her fingers to meet, due to girth, while using two hands and mouth during a BJ. She had a LTR with someone 11+ inches and massive girth and could take all of him with a bit of effort.

I found it difficult to believe the above until we tried some toys - my mind was literally blown when I confirmed that she could do what she'd said!

I'm right in the middle of the average size for the UK, however, I'm tiny for her.

Oh, and before anyone chips in with comments about "wizard's sleeves" or waving a flag in space, her Kegels are excellent.

I can and do give her vaginal orgasms through PIV, however, they are far more intense with a toy that's the right size for her.

I probably wouldn’t have known any different until my husband bought me a girthy dildo, the stretching sensation feels amazing, he uses it on me and loves seeing my reaction. It’s girth that does it for me, not length.

Thanks for calling out in advance the sort of response, some men on MN like to give should a woman dare to express a preference.

If she is used to at least 8", then I imagine she would find, from the sound of things below 5.5" to be far too small. And of course girth makes a big difference.

My personal preference is for at least 6" (which yes is above average), and ideally 7"+

Girth makes a big difference.

I'll take shorter (though still at least 6") and thicker over longer slim ones, but I find length & girth is mostly proportionate.

You are more than entitled to your preferences, anything else would be repression, but must admit am a bit iffy about this:

>>In the past I would make up other excuses to end a relationship, and not mention size, then recently started being honest if they fell short,

why one earth would you tell a bloke that. Any more than I would tell a woman something "similar" about their physical characteristics?

plenty of other things you can say surely?

Declaration - no complexes about myself - average I reckon - easy with - an ex long term partner did tell me that an ex partner was bigger but never bothered me. Sex was fine for both if us so I just took it as an observation.

I love a big dick and luckily my husband is blessed with both length and girth. He asked me if he is the biggest I'd been with and I told him truthfully that I'd been with one guy who was bigger. He wasn't too happy about that, but he did ask.

In terms of why to tell your male partner, my experience has been extremely positive as part of the relationship.

I knew that what I was being told didn't tally with reality:

She would say "you're the perfect size for me" yet PIV with a moderately larger toy causing her to groan and gasp in delight, increasing as the size stepped up. Orgasm intensity and strength also increased.

I'm naturally very curious and quite a boyant person and don't have penis insecurity, although I did when I was younger.

When she revealed the size of the smallest she'd been with I was gob-smacked at the physical difference. Being able to stand there and see things from her perspective was quite shocking - a standard can of squirty cream compared to a mini-travel can of antiperspirant.

The advantage for both of us is she can be direct about what works and what doesn't. How I need to angle toys, speed and depth of use...

For me it's very empowering to be able "swap cocks" - I feel like some kind of powerful sex-cyborg 😄 It's also pretty awesome to be able to look down and see "my" huge swinging cock and re-learn how to "do it".

Don't get me wrong, I know that an artificial cock isn't the same as the real thing in terms of feel, heat and connection, however, it's still pretty damn good!

@MaryJean87 did you ask your hubby what he didn't like about hearing this?

It's pretty common to feel self-worth because of penis size, so if you're used to thinking of yourself as the biggest guy in the room he might have felt a reduction in his value in your eyes?

I think he liked to think he was biggest I'd had and he was the first to give me all that pleasure, because he's about 8 inches which is bigger than average. The guy I'd been with who was bigger was abnormally large. It was great sex but it took a lot of foreplay to get it in and certain positions were impossible.

I must admit, 7+ inches would be too big for me. I do like the variety of a girthier dildo and my husband is aware that I like it but it doesn’t replace the sex that we have. He finds it a huge turn on to see me enjoying the bigger size.
My ex was just below average, we still had good sex but the fulfilling sensation wasn’t there, I would never have told him that though.

Yeah, I get that @MaryJean87, it can be very humbling to hear.

It's like the first time you find out that your partner enjoyed/enjoys doing something more with someone else than they do with you, it could be playing sports, dancing... it can still cause insecurity and jealousy in that moment, it's how you choose to deal with it afterwards that makes the real difference - learning to accept it and adapt to the new reality.

Has your hubby embraced this and is now alright with it? Has it had any positive effects?

He wasn't devastated over it or anything and I don't think he was really negatively affected. He knows he doesn't have anything to worry about and I've told him he's the best I've had and he's the one who's given me the best orgasms, which is true. We're quite secure as a couple after going through a bit of a rough patch for various reasons and we now just focus on each other.

@QueenVixen It's the sign of a generous partner that they enjoy your pleasure.

It's very much the same for me, I love seeing my wife experience different kinds of pleasure.

I think there's a certain amount of competitiveness for me too, wanting to try to level the playing field with her past partners.

It sounds like this is an "add on", working alongside what your husband naturally brings to the bedroom?

@MaryJean87 it's amazing how adversity can make relationships stronger!

I think this is why I'm asking these questions on MN, the people here tend to give thoughtful and honest replies that I really respect.

@BobOn Oh he’s very talented with his tongue and hands so I have no complaints, it is a nice add on that gives us both a sense of pleasure in different ways.

@MaryJean87 How big was the abnormally large guy?
8" is already very big

Man here, never had any complaints (too my face), but certainly have a previous partner who had a much bigger toy than me & it certainly made me feel abit insecure, but she didn’t say anything., but the same person did compare me with her ex with a waggle of her little finger, which I thought was actually pretty rude of her TBH .

@QueenVixen I know PIV's a really important part of straight sexual connection, however it's also really surprising how many blokes seem to think it's somehow the main event.

My wife's largest ex was so big he was used to focusing more on using hands, mouth, and eroticism than his huge penis, just in the same way I need to due to being at the average end of the spectrum.

I was very pleased when my wife exclaimed at the height of passion "I should hire you out, I'd make a fortune!"

Your wife is brave giving you all that info! But great that it's resulted in a positive outcome, totally understandable wanting to make sure she's getting what she needs. Although it does sound like you've been unlucky shall we say with your wife's past experiences 😆. After 3 kids I did wonder if my DW needed a bit more, she never mentioned it as she's not really one for sexual discussion, so I tried an add-on to save her asking and it was a definite no and went in the bin. I did get a silicone girth enhancer thing which does help with things and she seems to welcome the boost. It does make me wonder from a woman's girth point of view, where is the numerical line between what's a good girth and what's skinny? Obviously everyone has difference preferences

PIV is just a small part of sex, all of the other bits are what make it magical, I often think of sex as a three-course meal, there’s the starter, the main and the dessert, each part being just as delicious as the first.

@acpk55 it does seem to be socially acceptable to laugh at small dicks and short/skinny blokes, while practically drooling over big dicks and tall/well-built blokes.

I guess it depends on the intent really - if the ex was in the room and wasn't into being humiliated (some people are) then that would be bang out of order.

Did this make you feel like she might laugh at your size in the future, regardless of the reality?

The thing is that there's always someone more something than we are, or that they are, in a relationship. It could be money, ability to make the other person laugh, height, build, eye colour... most of which we just have to learn to accept. As blokes we've been socially conditioned to "respect the big dick" just as much as women have this foisted on them from a young age.

Having said this, I've seen the honest "wow" and smile of admiration that women have when presented with big penises, as well as the look of "is that it?" and the shocked laugh when seeing a truly tiny penis. The reaction videos are there for all to see on the internet. The reality is that it reflects the reality for that woman.

Equally I've seen women gawp and say, "kudos, but there's no way that's going anywhere near me!" and go on to say they can't handle much more than average - it all depends on the compatibility from what I can see.

I've had to learn to adapt to these realities later in life and wish that I'd not been fed so much crap about "size doesn't matter" - "they're all pretty much the same size really" - "big guys are crap in bed, because they're all so selfish".

Society should stop lying about this and just be open about this, just like with height, money... (gets down from soap box 🙂)

@yorkshireteabagman I see what you mean about being unlucky - I regret that I'm not a better fit for her sake - I on the other hand get loads of sensation through PIV so I guess I feel like I'm on the winning side of the equation 😀

Don't get me wrong, this wasn't an overnight thing, I had to demonstrate that she could trust me and that she wouldn't receive backlash - I simply wrote out some paragraphs with what I felt she had experienced but would be afraid to say to me, using direct factual language and balancing it with the positives that I bring.

Her reaction was a perfect 😮

Since then she's been tentatively opening up, having seen that I'm pretty secure and can easily process the odd bits of jealousy that crop up.

We've come a long way and that's really transformed the frequency and quality of our intimacy, so that it's rare that we aren't handsy with each other, pretty much like going back to honeymoon times. It's amazing how much open communication has improved this and other aspects of our lives.

Don't get me wrong, we've still got plenty to learn about each other after over 20 years together!