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AMA Swingers clubs.

347 replies

MrsBerthaRochester · 18/03/2022 20:20

Anything you ever wanted to know about Swingers clubs/parties but were afraid to ask? And yes I know there is an mn Sex topic but its full of hairy handed trolls.

OP posts:
Sux2buthen · 19/03/2022 19:41

@HirplesWithHaggis oh god yes that reminds me of the time I quickly borrowed my brothers laptop Blushit wasn't swingers but it was information I never needed to know 😂

HirplesWithHaggis · 19/03/2022 19:43

Well, exactly. None of my business.

JustLyra · 19/03/2022 19:44

@Sparklingbrook

They’re no more likely to find out than a parent who is on dating sites

Do parents not tell their teens they are on dating sites? My friend is on a couple of sites and her kids know.

I was thinking more of people who are on dating sites just for casual sex, rather than actual dating.
NamechangeApril21 · 19/03/2022 20:01

I have an interest in attending one of these events - any advice about turning up on my own as a single woman? I don't have a partner, and no friends that would be interested and therefore come with me. Any clubs recommended for a single newbie?

Boomerwang · 19/03/2022 22:49

Ye this assumption that swingers clubs are full of leery sweaty fat men and troglodytes stems from ignorance. It is not about fucking anything that moves. You don't walk in and find yourself backed up against a wall. Consent is a big thing. If anything it's an area where you can assert yourself safe in the knowledge that people have got your back at all times. Anyone who doesn't respect that is ejected immediately and their membership torn up. Takes a fair bit of paperwork to be allowed in. A swingers club is a safe place to explore your fantasies. If you don't have any or don't want to act them out that's fine nobody is forcing anyone to confront the existence of such places. It would be nice if assumptions weren't made but I guess that's normal.

Boomerwang · 19/03/2022 22:58

@NamechangeApril21

I have an interest in attending one of these events - any advice about turning up on my own as a single woman? I don't have a partner, and no friends that would be interested and therefore come with me. Any clubs recommended for a single newbie?
Single females have the cheapest entry. In my opinion walk around the place and check out what is on offer. Watch for a while. People loosen up later in the night. Don't get drunk if you want to be involved the issue of consent is just as appropriate there as anywhere else. If you want to do a threesome with a man and a woman talk to the woman about it. If you are shy consider going into a box or a side room for some privacy. Talk to staff if they become free they will have heard first time stories many times. If you change your mind or feel confused walk away you do not have to do anything at all.
PinotPony · 19/03/2022 23:11

Interesting thread @MrsBerthaRochester...

On other threads, you've described swingers clubs as...
"Grim and not sexy in the slightest"
"It's not glamorous "
"Full of the wanking dead who will try to cop a feel"
"An old granny forlornly hanging around in the hot tub"
"... pressure to join in sexual activities.."
"... men who will literally fuck anyone... any hole is a goal"

I'm not a troll and this is a genuine question... why do you go to swingers clubs if that has been your experience?

GentlemanJayFab · 19/03/2022 23:19

@NameChangeCity123

What is a greedy girls night? Is there a dress code normally? What's the most outrageous thing you've seen? Have you told anyone else you go? Thanks
The most outrageous thing I've seen is a lady of a couple who was dared by her fella to bounce around the dance floor on a space hopper. With a dildo mounted on top. True Smile
GentlemanJayFab · 19/03/2022 23:25

@Neverendingdust

Do swingers go Dogging too? 👀
One swingers club had an outside area with a car in it. You could go "safe" dogging without being worried about the police or boy racers turning up.
MrsBerthaRochester · 19/03/2022 23:49

@pinotpony my responses on that thread were in response to posters(trolls/creepy men) that swingers clubs are like killing kittens full of young fit folk.
What I said stands. There are a lot of men who walk ahout wanking, I have been touched( only once) and its not glamourous. Its quite seedy and I dont fool myself that it isnt.

OP posts:
Boomerwang · 20/03/2022 00:06

[quote MrsBerthaRochester]@pinotpony my responses on that thread were in response to posters(trolls/creepy men) that swingers clubs are like killing kittens full of young fit folk.
What I said stands. There are a lot of men who walk ahout wanking, I have been touched( only once) and its not glamourous. Its quite seedy and I dont fool myself that it isnt.[/quote]
Was that all the clubs you tried or just one? The one I went to wouldn't stand for that if they tried to engage although I suppose watchers were tolerated as that's the scene

EBearhug · 20/03/2022 00:25

I haven't seen men walking round walking, either, and not experienced unconventional touch. I guess different clubs might have different standards, but they're mostly not going to risk their licence or reputation. I'm not naive enough to think that people never get too drunk nor cross boundaries,but I'd say it's a lot better than your average busy pub for unwanted touching.

JustLyra · 20/03/2022 05:39

I’ve never seen men walking around wanking either. You get the odd one that follow/hovers in the hope pf joining in, but a simple “no thanks gets rid.

The only unwanted touch I’ve ever had was one guy touching my leg in a club cinema and another man (not my DH) saw me swipe his hand away and loudly said “The lady said no touching”. The guys are quite protective of the women generally as they know if a place gets a rep for that women will stop going.

ExSwinger · 20/03/2022 06:37

No wanking zombies where I've been either. I was on Fab for a fair few years until very recently. I found it easy to meet decent, intelligent likeminded folk to interact with.

The huge social events can be great fun and a way in to clubs etc as that way you can arrange to meet people there. Never any pressure to play.

Personally I wouldn't say clubs are the way in to swinging, but it's the only way some people swing. I prefer to engage with a single or couple and meet at one of our homes. It's like having friends over for a takeaway but having sex instead of a nightcap 😂

JustLyra · 20/03/2022 06:44

@NamechangeApril21

I have an interest in attending one of these events - any advice about turning up on my own as a single woman? I don't have a partner, and no friends that would be interested and therefore come with me. Any clubs recommended for a single newbie?
It depends where you live or would want to go.

Chameleons in Darlaston is very good. They are great with newbies and will give a tour around.

Club Play in Blackpool is also very good.

PinotPony · 20/03/2022 08:05

@NamechangeApril21

I have an interest in attending one of these events - any advice about turning up on my own as a single woman? I don't have a partner, and no friends that would be interested and therefore come with me. Any clubs recommended for a single newbie?
I think you need to tread carefully as a single woman just starting to explore the scene. Do your research. Talk to other single women in the community. FAB can be a great source of information.

There are different types of clubs and events, depending on what people want. I've always gone for the more upmarket parties like Killing Kittens. Parties are usually held in London at large venues like Proud Cabaret, Fabric, Ministry of Sound. Yes, you pay more - a typical ticket is £75 - but it's worth it in my opinion. KK is female-led - "It's a Kitten's World". There are no single guys allowed at parties, they have to be accompanied by a women and remain in her company for the evening. Men are also not allowed to approach women, they have to ask to be introduced. So, generally, the guys are respectful and considerate. I've never been touched without consent. There are female hostesses on hand if you have any issues or just need to step away from the action to decompress.

There are pre-party chat groups where you can get to know other attendees. For my first party, I met a group of women at pre-drinks so we could enter the venue together. Kabaret is a good party for newbies as it involves a dinner and burlesque show, so is a good night. We had a booth of 8 with other couples and there was lots of flirting and teasing whilst the show was on.

PermanentTemporary · 20/03/2022 08:28

I'd definitely be interested too but it might be years if ever before my bf were interested. And that's fine.

I don't really see why people are mystified by the idea that some people have sexual interests that are different from theirs. I do get totally that sex with strangers is a minority turn-on, at least for women. I would have said the same for myself after a couple of experiences in my youth, but now I've learned how to have the sex I like and a bit more about men as well, it works for me. Or did, before I met bf.

GentlemanJayFab · 20/03/2022 08:48

Yes there are wanking men that follow couples and single fems around but it's no problem when you are experienced. They are hoping to be invited into a room to play. You can simply ignore them. I would think it's daunting for new people.

Remember some people are there for single men so they have their pick. Most women and couples would prefer to be engaged in conversation in the bar area first by single men but some seem incapable of this. It's a big gripe in the community. Those single men who are sociable and have banter are more popular.

Yes my friend and I encountered the odd stray hand (par for the course as we played in open areas and liked to be watched). A simple no thank you sorted that out. Never a problem.

In the two and a half years of going to clubs we never actually played with anyone. We were happy with out own company. In our own bubble.

My friend liked to dress down into lingerie and heels. We enjoyed a little shopping trip to buy her an outfit that we picked out together.

I liked to "show her off". She developed a new found confidence she didn't previously have and actually thanked me for helping her with this.

I liked the freedom of stripping down to my boxer shorts too. We liked being around like minded people, chatting and flirting with others.

We never ruled out swapping but the stars never aligned for us.

I've been to lots of different clubs. Here and abroad. Some new ones still on my list hopefully to visit some more this year.

Some quite simply put are dumps that I wouldn't visit again.

An honest representation is the swinger program on the telly channel four or five, featuring Liberty Elite. It's still on catch-up.

GentlemanJayFab · 20/03/2022 08:49

Forgot to say. There are couple and single fem nights if you are worried about the single guys.

QueenSue · 20/03/2022 12:32

KK is female-led - "It's a Kitten's World"
It's called Killing Kittens and the women are called kittens? That sounds disturbing and misogynistic.

Myotherusernamewastakenagain · 20/03/2022 17:07

The name has been explained in the thread already.

PinotPony · 20/03/2022 19:14

@QueenSue

KK is female-led - "It's a Kitten's World" It's called Killing Kittens and the women are called kittens? That sounds disturbing and misogynistic.
It's based on a meme... "Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten"

No kittens or women are killed! 😂

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Everytimeeyoumasturbate....Godkillssakitten

SparklingStars10 · 21/03/2022 11:42

@GentlemanJayFab

Yes there are wanking men that follow couples and single fems around but it's no problem when you are experienced. They are hoping to be invited into a room to play. You can simply ignore them. I would think it's daunting for new people.

Remember some people are there for single men so they have their pick. Most women and couples would prefer to be engaged in conversation in the bar area first by single men but some seem incapable of this. It's a big gripe in the community. Those single men who are sociable and have banter are more popular.

Yes my friend and I encountered the odd stray hand (par for the course as we played in open areas and liked to be watched). A simple no thank you sorted that out. Never a problem.

In the two and a half years of going to clubs we never actually played with anyone. We were happy with out own company. In our own bubble.

My friend liked to dress down into lingerie and heels. We enjoyed a little shopping trip to buy her an outfit that we picked out together.

I liked to "show her off". She developed a new found confidence she didn't previously have and actually thanked me for helping her with this.

I liked the freedom of stripping down to my boxer shorts too. We liked being around like minded people, chatting and flirting with others.

We never ruled out swapping but the stars never aligned for us.

I've been to lots of different clubs. Here and abroad. Some new ones still on my list hopefully to visit some more this year.

Some quite simply put are dumps that I wouldn't visit again.

An honest representation is the swinger program on the telly channel four or five, featuring Liberty Elite. It's still on catch-up.

Just curious, how did swinging help your friend gain more confidence? I’m not asking in a sarcastic way, I’m genuinely curious.
GentlemanJayFab · 21/03/2022 11:57

Please remember we didn't swing.

The confidence I referred to was body confidence.

When you are surrounded by semi naked people of all shapes and sizes you begin to realise that it doesn't matter that you are not a size 8.

TatianaBis · 21/03/2022 11:59

You don't need a sex club to learn that lesson though.

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