How much is everyone really getting?!

[Ruskyrobins24]

For those in long term relationships with small children...
How often do you actually have sex?!

Post children it was an annual event here until we missed it last year. Think we've had sex 3 times since DD was conceived. She starts school in September. We're in our 40s. We seem to get worse with practice.

16 years ago (both aged 35 years old) we started our (mild) BDSM phase. Our "kink" is that Cavewoman has assigned sexual consent over to me. Meaning we have some sexual activity at least once per day. Often a lot more.

Once in the last two years.... Maybe 6 times per year in the decade preceding that.
Separated almost a year now. Confidence on the floor.

I loved sex and am a sensual person but very unfortunately him indoors wasn't interested.

I look toward to changing that to a couple of times a week with a lovely man who gives a shit!!

very late 40s, been together 20 plus years. 3 teen children. Probably 1-3 times a week. A bit more on holidays. We did it more when we were younger but it is actually better now - we get better with practice.

One thing I always find hard to understand on these threads is people who say once a year. I can understand once a month or never but how would you decide to have sex with your partner, presumably enjoy it and then not bother doing it for another year. I don't mean this to sound disparaging of anyone's sex life. and I know it is none of my business but I find the once a year the most baffling/beyond my own imagination amount - well that and the every day or more than once a day too now that I think of it.

Together 17 years, 2 dc aged 11 and 7. Used to have regular sex until DC1 was born. Lots of sex trying to conceive DC2. Sex happens about 3 times a year but we went without sex for three years once.

Last time I orgasmed with DH was about 12 years ago

Reading this thread makes me both happy and depressed!

Glad that so many of you are getting a lot of sex, even with small children to deal with. That can be so hard, so congrats to the couples that are making it work.

Our sex life has collapsed to the point that we only have sex once every 4-6 weeks. My sex drive is sky high, and my wife's is zero, so we are hopelessly mismatched in this regard. Rather than a numbers game, it's the lack of desire or enthusiasm on her part that kills me. She never makes any time for it, as it is not a priority for her, whereas it is for me. No idea what I can do about it, but I am not going to spend my best years in a sexless marriage.

Can you I understand what yiure getting at and honestly can't explain.

In my case I believe it's exDH's laziness. His immaturity and inability to communicate emotion/intent articulately.

For my part, I've stopped trying. The humiliation, embarrassment and shame became too much for me. No idea what's in store for me relationship-wise.

Exhaustion and poor work options etc do not an attractive partner make.
Ffs. Grrr etc

On average once a week, Sunday morning , quite routine.
I'd like to have more
Dh sex drive has decreased since turning 45( he is 48 now)
. He doesn't initiate it very often. Mine has increased , I'm often frustrated

Just read the rest of the thread, and I'm jealous of the people having sex everyday - and everyday because they are in the mood, not just because it's routine!
My DH is in the forces and it away at the moment....but is coming home Friday I'm excited

I have a 3 year old and a 1 year old and we have sex once a week unless someone is ill (us or a kid!)

Although dh was away for a few days and we've done it every day for 3 days since he got back

Once a month. Except when on a child free holiday, when it's every other day

On average about once a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. We have been together 18 years. The longest we ever went without was the first 3 months of DDs pregnancy as I had previously miscarried and was petrified of another.

Sex every day would feel like a chore, I like it to be exciting and special.

Sex every day would feel like a chore, I like it to be exciting and special

Doesn't have to be a chore.

Also when you know tomorrow is your next time, it means you don't try and fit everything into one session. One day maybe "his day", the next "hers", or it may be oral or manual only that day. Times vary, first thing in the morning, straight in after work, last thing at night.
There are lots of options.

Every night - 3 kids, 9, 7 and 5.

Both 31, together 14 yrs, DS 4 and DD 22mnth, cosleeping still.

When ovulating, every day for about 5 days (not ttc, just incredibly horny), rest of the month about every 7 - 10 days but DH has to initiate as I'm not fussed.

When we were first together we were teenagers so like rabbits, then went through an awful few years where I had zero sex drive, and it was only coming off the pill to try and conceive DC1 that I got my sex drive back. I feel so angry about what I missed all those years.

Since then out sex life is much much better but with young DCs and long working hours the opportunity is limited and I'm so tired!

Not sure it matters how often as long as you're both happy. My sex drive has increased dramatically since stopping mini pill so I feel back to my normal self. We're both 50 and been together 14 years (both with adult children) Usually we're on about 4 - 5 times a week - on holiday at the moment so 1-2 times a day. Feel very sad for anyone who's feeling they don't love their partner - sex should be the fun bit of a relationship not a chore.

2-3 times a week. More if ovulating again not ttc but just horny. Kids 8 and 10.

Zero times per night, zero nights per week for the past year (maybe more like 18 months?) - married, one 5yo ds.

Can I ask all of you who are having sex multiple times a week HOW LONG IT TAKES??

This is my main issue - I wouldn't mind regular quick sex but I don't have lots of time to spare in the evenings...

too mornings are quickies, like 10-20 minutes.

In the evenings can range anything from a quickie to a couple of hours, depends on the mood!

2 times per week but we only see each other 2 nights per week. It's pretty much every night when we are together more too. Both mid 30's 2 young kids. It hasn't always been that way tho. We've had times when it's been weeks when kids were babies etc because we were both too knackered!!

Not as often as I'd like. Together 10 years and DC primary age. Had the mirena taken out 6 months ago and would love to do it more often but DH still has the old routine of once a month or so. I'm much heavier than pre DC and I'm sure DH doesn't find me as attractive anymore But other than that we're a good team so could be worse.

We are both 28 and have been together 10yrs. We go through stages. I recently had the implant so since then it's been about 4 times a week. Prior to that it was about once a month, and when we were trying to conceive it was daily, (even though I know you have to be ovulating, it just made it so exciting we couldn't help it)

I feel better after being intimate with DH and I don't just mean having Sex. It's easy to forget how important it is to cherish each other post children. When we do make time for each other it really lifts our spirits, it has such a positive effect on our relationship.

Re: how long it takes...quickies most weeknights, longer on Fri/Sat night when I dont have to get up early the next day . Occasionally a morning quickie.

Sex can be anywhere from a great two minute quicky, to two hours. Usually about half an hour I think. The key to going two hours obviously being loads of foreplay and going slow, or going for "round two". Dp always tries to make me come before him, (he looses the will after he comes) So depends how long that takes too. Some nights I just want to dtd and sleep. He can go a bit half mast if he focuses on me to much, so have to get him raring to go again. He says coming always feels way better for him when there's loads of build up to it, not just in and bobs your uncle.

Had a lovely moment the other day when he stopped and pulled out mid piv to just snog me, and time stopped, the world went black and fireworks went off in my brain. He admitted me before the same had happened to him and "that was some kiss". Doesn't happen very often now but glad we've obviously still go it. I really think that only comes with real love, and a good kiss can be miles better than some piv sex.