Anal sex

[feelinghothothot]

Any real advice on how to enjoy this without biting the pillows? I've tried it a couple of times but I know dp would love to do it more. I'm also keen to get into it. Lube, toys - can someone steer me right?

[WelcometotheMH]

The key words from OP's post are "I am also KEEN to get into it".

If you do not have friendly, constructive advice in response to this (in exactly the same way as as an OP saying "I am keen to get into yoga" etc), then please take your judgment elsewhere

[Heckler]

Whereas your posts MH give the impression that you just came onto this thread to harrangue AF and insult the whole of the fwr section.

Which is helpful.

[Heckler]

I am not aware of a ghetto rule that says once you have posted on fwr, you may not post elsewhere. Or that I am not allowedto mention my garden outside the gardening topic, for instance.

My garden is a mess.

[BigRedBall]

Nomore I'm not sure why anyone would be smug about having a naturally slippery arsehole. That is a weird thing to brag about.

best comment of the thread surely!

Bucket arse bragging.

[YonicScrewdriver]

Heckler, if you are talking euphemistically about your lady garden, then begone! Back to FWR with you!

[YonicScrewdriver]

MNHQ had many and varied reasons for setting up the Sex topic (I personally have my doubts) but "teaching those feminists to stay in their topic" was not on the list, I would bet my not inconsiderable music collection.

[Heckler]

Tbh Yonic, I could be speaking either literally or metaphorically, and both would be equally accurate.

[Eekaman]

Welcome to the mad house Welcome...

You summed it up perfectly, the OP was asking for tips to assist her keen interest. My first got my post banned for being 'fucking disgusting' in spite of several people agreeing with it and even a sexual health worked saying pretty much the same thing I did - well, it was on a thread marked / sex/anal sex, what does one expect? Polite etiquette?

Anyhoo this debate has, as is so often the case with MN, descended into philosophical lectures but Welcome, be careful you don't bait the Prefects, it's frowned upon by the Seniors.

[WelcometotheMH]

Heckler, Yonic - genuine question. Imagine if you saw a thread on e.g. "Running" in a specific section within MN about exercise and fitness.. where the OP says "Any real advice on how to ENJOY this without getting stiff muscles the next day? I've tried a couple of times but I know DP would like us to go running together more often. I AM ALSO KEEN TO GET INTO IT. The right footwear, warming up / down - can someone steer me right?

Would you (MN Royalty and Prefects) pile in to give the OP (and others) a lecture on consent, coercion etc and start a campaign to report people for being "Creepy Fuckers" - just because they happen to be into something?

It's clear this isn't for you. FINE!!! No one is forcing you to read thread (why would you even click on a topic that you find so distasteful? ).

If you have no answers to OP's questions then you are deliberately derailing for your own agenda.

[headinhands]

Running is known to improve your health. The husband could do it by himself. He doesn't need his wife to enjoy running.

(Let him shove a butt plug up himself)

[headinhands]

Coercion is distasteful. Anal sex isn't.

[YonicScrewdriver]

MH, I have posted three times on this thread, none of those times did I give OP a lecture.

There's no campaign to report someone, every individual decides if they find a post within guidelines or not.

I think you must be confusing the feminism section with the Borg again and attributing any post by someone you think of as an FWR regular to all other posters you think of that way. Perhaps you could actually read posts before you start ticking people off? That'd be nice.

[suzannecanthecan]

yeah, the runnning analogy is weak in the extreme
And baiting anyone is frowned upon, perhaps you don't quite understand the meaning of 'baiting' Eekaman?
the same could be said for philosophical lectures since I don't see any of those on this thread.

Your terminology is rather muddled isn't it. ?

[JohnFarleysRuskin]

Your concerns about coercion, rape and "Creepy Fuckers" should be in Feminist Theory. That's precisely why MN set up a separate space here.

Huh? That's why this section was set up? I TOTALLY missed this. Did MN tell you that?

All threads deviate, I don't see why this should be an exception. The op doesn't seem to be distressed at the diversion. In fact, she writes: I imagined that it was far more widely enjoyed than the feedback on these posts so thought there was a big secret that I didn't know!

I appreciate its very important to some posters eg. Eekaman to encourage more women to bite their pillows in pain to enjoy the 'dark, deep and thrilling' sensations (oh wait, those were YOUR sensations weren't they Eekaman!!) but there's no reason people shouldn't respond to his and other posts.

[SuperFlyHigh]

I tried it with an average size man and it was eww... just the feeling. I don't care if it's meant to trigger pleasure in the nerve endings in my anus I hated it then and tell new men or past men that that ship is NOT sailing again...

I get quite relieved when they either say they don't like it or like one ex, he was too large so it was uncomfy but he'd like it if he were smaller...

[BertrandRussell]

At no point has anyone said that anal sex is disgusting, shameful or that people shouldn't do it. The OP was given plenty of suggestions on how to proceed if she wants to carry on trying. However she was also reminded that it is absolutely fine for her to not like it, and to say no, however much her husband wants to do it. This is an important reminder, in the context of the very recent increase in the "profile" of anal through readily available porn- all of which presents it as something that everyone wants to do, and which involves no more care, preparation and discussion than PIV.

This led to more discussion- with some people saying that the best way to counteract the "everyone's doing it" culture is to treat it exactly the same as PIV. Others saying that it's very important to emphasise that it is not for everyone (men or women) and that it does carry more risks than PIV and is more likely to be damaging and painful.

One post was deleted for presenting otherwise sensible advice in a overblown creepyfuckery sort of way, rather like an extract from one of those pot boiler porns Ann Rice used to write.

Then people started to get rude and personal in order to prove how incredibly cool and edgy they are and how exciting their sex lives are......which is always tedious but predictable. With a bit of feminist bashing thrown in for good measure. Feminists and their pruritannical, fun sapping "Don't do things that you don't want to and which hurt and it's OK to say no" mantra.....

There are important facts to be born in mind. Anal sex is more physically risky to women and is more likely to hurt women than PIV. There is plenty of evidence that women are being "persuaded" into trying it and that the readily available porn gives an even less realistic picture of anal sex than of PIV. Very young people of either gender are unlikely to have the experience, control or skill to make it pleasurable and safe for the woman. And no, not all sex acts are equal. And it is absolutely fine not to like things.

[suzannecanthecan]

be careful you don't bait the Prefects, it's upon by the Seniors

Oh look, a schoolgirl metaphor

[suzannecanthecan]

I get quite relieved when they either say they don't like it

Relieved?
That suggests that you'd feel obliged if he did like it, or at least would have to put up with constant badgering. ?

[NinjaLeprechaun]

"It plays into the abusers script if 'well you didn't tell me you didn't want it so how was I to know'? I thinks it's far better to assume that nothing is in the table until it's discussed and consent is granted."
Stopping here, without reading through the rest of the mostly boring and repetitive thread, to say -

Surely this should be the case even with things you've done before? I enjoy anal sex, but that doesn't mean that I a) want it every time, or b) want to be surprised by it.
Same thing goes for every other sex act I can think of.
Consent once doesn't mean consent every time. Therefore, I agree that something being "on the table" doesn't, and shouldn't, imply blanket consent - only that you're willing to discuss it.

And a tip for the OP, if they're still reading, that was gifted to me by a gay man - who, one assumes, knew of which he spoke - was to strain out just a bit as your partner goes in which opens things up a bit, and otherwise try to relax as much as possible. If you tense up it just tightens things and makes it worse.
And if you want porn that shows more realistic anal sex, watch gay porn.

[SuperFlyHigh]

Suzanne I meant relieved as in it would not come up and I wouldn't be having the discussion about it. Or I just say straight out no and that's an end to it.

I would not feel obliged at all would just refuse. But strangely enough one ex-BF did constantly badger me about it when I stupidly told him I'd done it the once. From then on he wouldn't let it drop/lie and he then rimmed me one time in the bathroom of a hotel without telling me (thought it was just being mouth on V).

[Eekaman]

Suzannacanthecan

You said, ''be careful you don't bait the Prefects, it's upon by the Seniors

Oh look, a schoolgirl metaphor''

What a wonderfully typical example of MN sexism - completely incorrect and baseless.

I went to a boys school. We had Prefects and Seniors. I'll accept your apology to me for calling me a sexist should you care to write it....