Porny Expectations - do you find men's attitudes have changed?

[LoisPuddingLane]

I watch a fair bit of porn, although I'm more into the naturalistic stuff. No bouncy ball tits, fake nails, that sort of thing. I like hair. Proper orgasms. Anyway...

What I wanted to discuss was whether the unrealistic nature of much mainstream porn has affected how men respond and react in sexual situations. I don't have a lot of sex these days (old) but the last time I did, I really noticed a very porny style to the guy's behaviour. As if he'd watched a lot and thought it was normal.

Things that see to be considered "normal" in a lot of mainstream porn:

1. An expectation of no body hair at all.
2. An expectation of effortless female orgasm.
3. Along with that orgasm, gushing lots of "cum" (pee?)
4. Easy and expected anal.
5. Expected "gagging" oral.

Have you also found these things creeping in to real sex?

Incidentally and in the interest of balance my DP has demonstrated on me what anal feels like.

Absolutely Ehric, I really mean this, I would be mortified if I thought my DP was being compromised.

I'm two years out of a 19 year relationship. I'm 41. To be honest, any guy that expects anything lifted from a porn film would get the following response:

'Shave my bits? Of course. Anal? Definitely. Squirting? You betcha. Gagging blowjob? No question. Now, about your 9 inch penis. What? You've only got an average length? Oh, sorry, I only fuck porn-style men'.

Because if it's not going both ways, I'm not interested.

Fwiw, I'm not remotely interested in a 9 incher, but any bloke putting porn-style demands on me won't be having sex with me. My body belongs to me. I'm not changing an iota of it in order for someone else to get their rocks off. Likewise, I'm not doing anything with it that I don't personally enjoy.

If that means no sex for me, no problem. I can live with that. I'm worth a lot more than some twat with porny expectations can deal with.

Caveman do you need to have the shaved/anal conversation on the first date then? No point carrying on if not I guess.

I enjoy oral sex but I'm struggling to imagine saying to someone I really liked that I couldn't carry on a relationship with them if they weren't up for one particular thing in a sexual relationship.

What if you met the partner of your dreams and they asked if you were shaved and if you weren't they could not carry on. That's weird right?

If someone needed me to be shaved in order to be with me I'd think they were a shallow motherfucker (there's a world more to a person than their pubes or lack of) and that they could never be the partner of my dreams because if they loved me they'd love me for me and not try to change me.

Take me as I am or don't take me at all.

I imagine that more men are more likely to give oral as well, so there are positives.

Any way caveman found someone who is interested in his like list so each to their own.

ThatIsNachoCheese I have read plenty of female posters on here state that if a partner did not perform oral it would be a deal breaker.
For the record, shaved is a preference not a deal breaker. I much prefer oral on a shaved partner.

I'm all vanilla. Although I'm hairless.

Sex to me is connection and both enjoying touch.

Not about seeing how far you can ram a dick up your arse.

I don't get the association between extreme sex and great sex. The best sex I've ever had has been perfectly vanilla with no need of extreme acrobatics and arseholes.

Caveman if anal is a deal breaker for you, aren't you effectively saying you don't care if she enjoys it, you want it anyway?

By your standards I'm a prude, but I love sex. If I wasn't pressured I'd probably try anything. Would have it everyday. But I don't watch porn so maybe that's why I can really get into "boring" regular sex.

I'm more raspberry ripple than vanilla. With a flake stuck in it.

Oh dear...

I'm the one who asks for shots of my partners penis at work after winding him up on Whatsapp. I groan when I see it.

I'm shaved because I love the sensitivity during oral and sex and the way it looks. He is also.

I slap my partners penis against my own mouth and tongue because I love the way you can feel the blood rush in and it harden.

I also ask him to do this to my clitoris.

I am the one who tries to have a look down below when he tells me how beautiful it is to be with me, have even asked him to take a photo...(it's quite hard to see over my knockers and stomach bouncing away ).

I guess reading this we sound quite "porny" but I would never have been like this with my ex as there was no respect or trust there.

There is so much respect and trust with my partner that we feel free and safe to explore and discuss and feel.

The squirting thing has never come up as a thing apart from discussing women doing it in films. And yes it seems to be everywhere (eek) these days. I've read it's a combination of dialoryte, water in the vag or plain peeing. I find the obsession totally ridiculous.

I've never squirted like a human Nerf gun. But I have let's say, lost fluids of a similar nature by using a specific sex toy and being relaxed and alone and in the moment, and also when lying on my front and being agitated in that area during intercourse. Partner doesn't really give a hoot as long as I'm enjoying myself.

And we totally stay off the things we both have underlined as no, or try once and then shrug and say maybe not.

It's absolutely bloody marvellous, truth be told. Shame it was such a long time in the making to find him.

have even asked him to take a photo

You can use a hand mirror to get a good look. I discovered this about 30 years ago

I haven't experienced men becoming more pornified, to coin a phrase, not men in the age group I date, anyway (late 30s to late 50s).

I think any man who's had more than a couple LTRs realises that porn is a fantasy and reality is different. Just like watching "Need for Speed 3" is a fantasy and in the morning you'll be commuting to work at 30mph in your Volvo

1. As previously mentioned on here, I shave my outer and inner labia (yes I am very hairy and have hair growing on my inner labia... Don't fancy waxing that off!) I find oral is immeasurably better as a result, as is hygiene.

I also shave my armpits as my own research has shown deodorant works way better on shaved armpits. I don't bother with my legs since legs don't sweat.

I encourage the men I'm with to shave their pubes too, especially their balls. Putting hairy balls in your mouth is a bit yuk.

1. I really haven't noticed this as an expectation, and it takes me quite a long time and sometimes toys to reach orgasm.

1. I haven't noticed this being particularly focussed on. I have squirted a grand total of two times in my life. Once with my late H who, let's be honest, was a little obsessed with it. But that was decades ago and not due to porn, he'd just been with someone previous who went like a hosepipe. It didn't feel any better than a normal orgasm and left a mess, so I shall continue telling people "no, I'm not a squirter."

I am on depo provera, which for me causes dryness, so I always use lube. A couple of guys have looked a bit put off at that. "You won't need that with me!" Erm - yes I will, thanks, I don't fancy feeling like you're sanding down my birth canal.

1. I don't feel this has increased, I think the majority of guys want (and have always wanted) anal on the menu occasionally, which is fine by me. I sometimes prefer it to vaginal.

1. I don't see this increasing either. Although I have a tried and tested technique of holding the base in one hand, which reduces the length you can get in your mouth, making gagging much less likely.

There are quite a few things I like which I suppose are porn-ish, the primary one probably that I prefer a partner to pull out and ejaculate on me rather than in me. Face, boobs, fanjo, arse - I don't really know why I find it so hot, but I do! I also like hair pulling and arse slapping.

I have known quite a few guys who take their cock out of your mouth during oral and slap it on my face - does nothing for me, but I don't mind it.

Do you think people have always done this stuff? I know vaginal, oral and even anal are well established and referred to in historical terms. But slapping someone's face with a dick, gagging BJs, rimming all that stuff......is it new? Have men a,ways wanted this? Even in the 1930s for instance. And did women do it? I am intrigued.

If you go to the sex museum in Amsterdam it would seem that way historically.

My partner is seriously endowed and the one side to this is maintaining the blood flow, which is why I feel it. I instigate it, at my own level, he has never just stood up and slapped it across my cheek like a roll of wet wallpaper.

But my ex and his gaggle of army mates thought it was hilarious to try and smack a face with it really hard. It was apparently called mushroom stamping.

Total lack of respect.

I will take that tip on the mirror. I wanted to keep the photo for the wank bank. That was before I knew anything about automatic photo streaming to the cloud.

"Sanding down my birth canal"

I will take that tip on the mirror. I wanted to keep the photo for the wank bank. That was before I knew anything about automatic photo streaming to the cloud.

Yes, photo streaming needs remembering. My phone loads all photos to dropbox. Dropbox have started a "on this day last year you took this photo ......" With a thumbnail of photo. Last year I snapped a pic of my fanjo because I thought I thought I could feel a bump,ball looked as it should and I deleted five mins later and thought no more of it. Until a few weeks ago when I heard dh pissing himself laughing, he was checking his email (it's linked to Dropbox) and there was my fanny.

Mine streamed to my 10 year old sons iPad.

I don't think anyone has ever slapped their dick on my face. Thankfully.

I'm wary of uploading of taking photos these days. Cloud technology only increases the possibility of accidental minge. A few years back I was burgled and my camera (just a silly little digital thing, cheapo) was stolen. It had minge pix on it. I know the burglars would not know they were of my minge but it still makes my tummy clench to think of it.

uploading OR taking photos.

Accidental minge is a great name for a rock band! ??????

Or an album by Dire Straits.

Ive never shaved down there and never will. I do get legs and underarms waxed .

CaveMan you remind me of some of the blokes that used to phone when i used to work in a sex chatline office..........even reading your posts felt like work!

Funny I am still having to justify myself. Obviously I have to write concisely on here so often do not give full context.

Aussiemum - Caveman if anal is a deal breaker for you, aren't you effectively saying you don't care if she enjoys it, you want it anyway. Where did I say anything like that?

When myself or anyone else starts to see a new potential partner, you start to work through if they are compatible (Sense of humour, morals, outlook etc) and sexual compatibility is something you obviously look at. I like oral and anal. If a person I was developing a relationship with did not like these, then we are not compatible. That goes both ways, I would not want the woman to compromise herself in anyway. (Again - I posted earlier I dont expect anal every time or anytime, but never is a long time).

ThatIsNachoCheese - I enjoy oral sex but I'm struggling to imagine saying to someone I really liked that I couldn't carry on a relationship with them if they weren't up for one particular thing in a sexual relationship

Thats fine for you for you ThatIsNachoCheese But I have seen lots of women post on MN that they were in bad sex relationships for too long, to put up with it again. Why is my approach wrong? Again I have seen women post on MN that no oral would be a deal breaker in their relaionship. I am saying the same thing.

HelenaDove I was posting in the context of the OP Porny Expectations - do you find men's attitudes have changed?

"Gagging" oral, or face slapping does nothing for me. but in the porn context I relayed the story of what I found porno-esque. The point being that it was a moman who did it to me. So actually in contrast to the OP.

A mormon?