School challenging my decision to deregister DS after serious safeguarding concerns

[secondaryhell]

I deregistered DS today and I’ve already had an email and voicemail from the school trying to tell me that they need to check with the LA that I have the right to do so! Of course I do!

This is just another example of them trying to make out that I have less rights than I do.

They tried to stop me taking DS to medical appts in school time (said they wouldn’t allow him to leave the premises).
They referred for fines with the LA for days he had absent due to severe MH issues and SH. They gaslit us in meetings repeatedly, made plans to get him back to school then changed things which really unsettled him.

He was bullied and was told to ‘be more resilient’. He refused the hpv jab and had a teacher make disgusting comments that ‘you all know who to stay away from girls!’

I now have a child who needs a lot of time to recover and I need to look for a better school or perhaps home educate we aren’t sure yet. I just can’t believe in 2026 schools treat pupils and parents so appallingly.

They are saying that I’m de registering not for ds best interests but because I’ve already had 2 fines. That’s not the main reason the main reason is that ds is at crisis point and because we think they are an unkind and corrupt school.

The HPV jab doesn’t stop people getting HPV or stop it being transmitted. Like the Covid jab.

They’re saying the problem isn’t the school

Huh?
where are you getting this info from?
iIt reduces risk, like any other vaccine, by the body being able to produce antibodies to fight in infection.

Ah, so you've recorded meetings. That isn't taking minutes and there are strict rules around recording if you haven't gained consent before doing so (same as they can't record you without your consent)
It does sound like that the paperwork you've given them means they need to clarify what is happening, as I've already said, the information on the removal from roll form has to be correct.
It's easy enough to reply to their email clarifying your intentions and explaining you'll await contact from the local authority ehe team. Other than that, submit and in year admission application for a new school.

I'm sorry, a lot of schools can be like this when a child is de-registered. I pulled DS out when he was in year 1 due to him not coping and them not understanding how much his autism affected him.

I was bombarded with texts, calls, emails, and a teacher turning up to my door to "help" me take him in. I was reported to the LA (which is completely normal and to be expected, it's just safeguarding) and thankfully they were very understanding.
I had to work with social services to get my Son's EHCP amended and when he was 7 (yup, it took that long) he was finally given a placement in a SEN school.
He loved it from day one and is still there now at 15, but we did home education for those years he wasn't in school and we loved every moment of it.
I'd honestly go ahead with home educating until you can find a suitable replacement school, and make sure you go to the GP for any help they can give in the meantime.

I hope things get better for your DS soon. As someone who also has severe MH issues and SH'd in my teens whilst not attending school, it got better for me and it can definitely get better for him, too. You're doing a great job 💐

Did you tell them you were recording? If not, then I can understand the school response. Why didn’t you tell them you wanted to record it? Or that perhaps you would like a written record made?

No one would want to be recorded on the sly, and I include parents in that.

To be honest it sounds like the relationship was broken down before this point.

Dylan Seabridge and Sara Shariff are 2 of the high profile ones, in my Trust we have a higher percentage of children home schooled on CP plans than children who are in school, which links to the national position.

Official figures from the DfE Elective Home Education statistics highlight how home education intersects with wider children's social care services:

• Child Protection Plans: 0.5% of home-educated children have a plan, compared to 0.4% of the overall UK school-age population.

In NHS ‘safeguarding’ we do want to ensure all our home schooled children are safe, if that’s what you mean by hysteria’?

I also don’t recognise your last sentence, is that from your own safeguarding experience or from what you see in the newspaper?

What if the boy is gay?

I don’t disagree with your wider point really, but the world is very much about to change - in ways we can’t even fathom.

One of the first posters mentioned the Facebook group to go to.

They will guide you with how to write the dereg letter / failure to dereg where the school are in the wrong / how to handle the LA (and not say you are having time to recover etc) as will likely be in touch very quickly as they expect full time education from day 1, even though school children get the holidays.

Whoever said social isolation re home Ed, that is a huge generalisation and simply not true for many families. I unexpectedly ended up home edding my kids and we’ve been to 7 meet ups in 5 days with a variety of kids and themes and structures of groups, alongside structured learning at home. It’s great (and I was a teacher for a long time, and never expected to find myself here).

(I understand op you may want to look at another school rather than EHE, but the info above will hopefully help in the meantime).

Sara Sharif, the guidelines changed after she was murdered.

The immunisation team aren't allowed to vaccinate children in school unless parents have given their express consent so I can't understand how he was even in that position.

I think given that you want to find another school, don’t take him off roll. They then have no duty to him.

I would leave him on roll and start having discussions about adjustments and alternative provision.

It reduces risk but doesn’t completely eliminate it, as the vaccines don’t cover every type of HPV. Otherwise there would be no point in women who were vaccinated as girls at age 12 or 13 going for smear tests after they reach the age of 25.

The op has confirmed the child is vaccinated it was just done at the gp.

op, my dd dropped out of a levels due to an developing an auto immune disease and subsequently anxiety and depression about not keeping up with school work and it also escalated to self harm.

the LA will want to keep track of you, particularly as there are medical needs. You’ve confirmed none of the circumstances where de registration is not permitted apply so you are allowed to do this.

I’d suggest getting in touch with some home Ed groups locally to you. Many home Ed children take GCSEs over a period of time rather than all in one splat as in school and getting teens to choose which ones to focus on first can be very beneficial in giving back a sense of control.

i am also a teacher of twenty years and I home edded my dd for a couple of years until she was well enough to go back into education (took a levels privately and went to Newcastle uni to study physics),

He’s vaccinated anyway. Vaccination doesn’t eliminate the risk of spreading HPV. It can be spread by close skin to skin contact.

● The school will be quietly pleased you've removed your son. They are just not allowed to outwardly show that.

● You cannot just deregister your child. Your child has a legal right to an education. School cannot remove your child from roll on this basis.

● You talk about thinking about home education. Nope. If youre not providing an education at home, he must be enrolled in at a school.

● If you tell school you want to home educate, they have to jump through some hoops - like they are legally required to dissuade you. Do not assume they mean that.

● If you've not had medical appointments authorised it's because you did not provide evidence.

● Your LA will check the education your child is receiving at home and if inadequate will swiftly issue you a School Attendance Order to oblige you to re-enroll your child. In my LA this takes about 8-12 weeks at KS3 and 4-8 weeks at KS4.

● You won't want to hear this, but your post smells like low level educational neglect to me. Won't hit social care threshold, but still sub-par parenting (sorry)

● Lots of children have social, emotional and mental health needs. This does not mean they don't need an education

● Lots of teenagers self harm, which is sad but true. Again, this is not a reason that your child shouldn't be educated.

● Lots of parents with children who avoid school due to emotional based reasons work alongside school to improve their child's access to education. A parent who with the opinion of 'child MH issues, can't attend' is likely to be the problem.

● No persistent absence attendance fine would get through if emotional based school avoidance was evidenced. 101 of it being defined EBSA is a parent working with school to improve attendance, not against school.

● Youre highly unlikely to have MH needs accepted as exceptional circumstances to authorise a holiday in term time. Especially if youre already not working to improve your child's attendance.

Caveat: Secondary school lead for Safeguarding (DSL), Attendance, Leavers and Admissions.

Hopefully you will get him the HPV jab at the GP and potentially save his, or his future partners life.

RTFT, the OP’s son had the vaccine at the GP surgery.

I disagree.

I work in education. In fact safeguarding is part of my role.

my ds school tried to use unauthorised absence when he SH and camhs moved his therapy forward (already on waiting list). Difference is I know the law and challenged it via the LA send and inclusion department. I asked why I was being fined and why unauthorised when they themselves have logged the incident that caused the trauma causing it as it happened in school. I asked why they were looking at AP as the law states they must after 15 days kissed for medical reasons/ illness.

I would never have believed the length some schools willing to (having worked in education for decades) until 10 years ago when DS started his first secondary.

Ds also always had the last paws apt of the day. It was 3.30pm at a hospital an hour away as that’s where his specialist neuro was based. (He has a rare genetic disorder).

Not fine in school maybe a usefull Facebook group for you.
They have no grounds to check with LA if they think there is a safe guarding issue they are duty bound to report that before you de register not during or after. The usual overstepping!

You may be a DSL but you are woefully ignorant with regards to the law. Many teachers and schools are. It’s a pervasive arrogance that is based in an arrogant assumption that your authoritarian ways are the right way. Your first point in your comment is indicative of your attitude. This is why schools are failing so many young people. Unless the OP’s DS has an EHCP, or is on a CP plan or has been in the last five years, the OP has every legal right to deregister her son without any consultation with the LA. Schools will unlawfully claim that there needs to be a period of consultation. There does not. Some children just don’t thrive in schools. Especially the draconian academies where, for example, they have to wait to be granted permission to remove their blazers in 30-degree heat or are not permitted to access toilets when they need them. OP, please just check out the HEFA group on FB.

Sara Sharif

Sorry you are going through this OP. You know your child best, do what you think is right.

Blimey what a heated war of words, what a load of hot air.
Stop complaining about schools ffs. That's all you've done OP.
I cant see anything you've done to support his learning or his opportunities in life or his socialisation. Just rage against the school for anything and everything.
Please don't move him to another school. You'll end up with the same issues. You are combative, anti school, anti teacher, anti head teacher, anti government, anti LA. You've even been rude to posters who haven't psychically understood a quite poorly written and ambiguous post about vaccination.

Waging war on your child's school is not going to empower you in life. The most empowering thing you can do is sit down with your child and talk with them about their options for getting an education. Stop war mongering about everything available, and choose one thing that will benefit him.
Stay in this school?
Move to another school?
Home Ed?

Choose one thing and discuss with the school how to achieve it. Stop lobbing at them, and respect the steps they say you have to take. Put your energy into that single mindedly.
If you care about your child's education.