DS failed 11+ very upset, angry and sad

[Ouchh1]

DS failed the 11 plus. He had been struggling for a while but wanted to continue like his friends, so we let him.

We weren’t expecting him to pass, and have been stressing to him that the exam isn’t important. But we are crushed at the result: he scored one of the lowest marks in the exam.

We were expecting a higher score given the effort he has put in.

He has worked hard over the past 1.5 years, study a little every day. He has had 121 tuition for over 18 months - including a separate English tutor since January, as English is an area he needed extra help with.

When I spoke to his English tutor this morning, she suggested he might have a mild learning disorder which has been masked from his teachers because of the study he has been doing for the 11 plus.

She said I should speak to the school’s SEN and ask for an assessment. Is this the normal practice?

Although he can read fluently, he doesn’t seem to grasp the text. This is why we hired an English tutor, and she assured me he was making steady progress.

I feel so sorry for him. He is going to be so upset when he finds out. I am holding off telling g him until Sunday.

I am furious with myself - I should never have tried to get him to do the 11+.

What we do now? I am starting to worry about his overall ability and how he will cope at secondary school.

To be fair the type of kids who get top 11+ scores have developed real understanding / academic skills far earlier. The 11+ test practice is just that, practice.

We can find supporting information for both our points of view.

https://britannia-study.co.uk/boarding-schools/state-schools-league-table/

Similarly, all my DCs got into super selective grammars, and like yourself I self taught, so I know they can be taught to improve marks considerably through consistent tutoring.

Most state schools are falling apart, with terrible facilities and mediocre teaching. Grammar schools, although imperfect, provide a glimmer of something better for aspirational parents. So IMO, grammars should be cherished.

Your supporting information misses the point. Sure, any school with selective entrance exam will have overall better results, but that doesn’t mean particular students in regular schools with similar prior abilities can't do just as well, if not better. Grammar schools like to brag about their scores, but they’re just cherry-picking from the start, by picking the parents and family who invested most in exams.

terrible facilities and mediocre teaching

You will find that in a lot of grammar schools too..

In what sense was I using a sample of one?

I was comparing the statistics compiled in respect of an entire cohort of pupils across two schools (actually more than two because I looked at other schools as well) and comparing outcomes at 16+ as well as the schools' respective value added scores. So n = about 2000. I don't think it's me that needs remedial education, thanks.

I agree outcomes are generally better because of the selective nature at grammars (although not in the case of the two schools I compared) but that was my entire point: that grammar schools in themselves do not add value.

So the schools with the best results are the ones that select the brightest children. Ground breaking news.

Some grammar schools really do add value, in terms of things like offering 5 languages including Japanese and Mandarin, offering Further Maths GCSE to loads of kids, having a cohort of tons of kids doing music GCSEs and getting a 9 etc etc. The list goes on and on for bright children.

Bluntly Korean Japanese and Mandarin only really benefits Tamil, Chinese and Japanese students (that’s why it’s offered). Nobody else is going to come even close to as fluent in these subjects as they might in a European / Indian language. It’s such a marketing gimmick.

Rich parents can bring in those values to their dc anyway right? why do they need GS? only to get it managed by state?

@BeJollyNewt - if rich parents both work full time and the state provides a good free education for their DC and the next generation of workers, then the state ends up with more money anyway via taxation. It is about efficiency. The constant trying to bring people down does not work.

so your son is performing well at school and predicted greater depth.

how competitive is the exam he sat? 3000 kids for a 100 places type of place? If yes your son is not a failure because those types of schools are insanely competitive and you’re competing against kids who have been tutored from birth.

the wordy English questions causes many kids problems, it’s come up many times before.

focus on the new options for you. What are the secondary choices now? Don’t make an issue out of the 11+ because it’s not an issue.

and I agree with the others - the tutor wasn’t honest with you because they wanted ££

No they're not. You sound incredibly ignorant. The state schools near me are great. I have family in the NW and they attend good state schools too.

Meh. My DD's comprehensive offers all of the above as well as valid BTEC options, which you won't find at a grammar. I was curious so looked up the curriculum/extra curriculars on offer at the super-selective grammar I attended (in another part of the country), which i have seen pop up in this forum a few times. Its offering is worse, and in fact its progress score is worse too! So no, grammar school does not guarantee added value.
Besides, why should only the top 5% be allowed the option of various enrichment opportunities outside the core national curriculum? 🤨

Eh? You know it's the same teachers in each? Grammar schools don't somehow whip up better teachers - they come from exactly the same pool of candidates.

both work full time parents are all not rich,and rich doesn't need grammars.

Home tutoring makes children read regularly and widely. Not all parents can tutor DC to read widely. So DC who don't get tutored to read are still bright and charming, they might need extra tutoring for exam

@BeJollyNewt - what are you talking about? Just take your DCs to the library from a very early age on a Saturday, model reading books and be strict on screen time. My kids all read loads from age 3/4 and we didn’t have to do much 11 plus work. Familiarisation at the end of Year 5 over the summer and a couple of mock tests was enough for us. In fact, I believe that if we had stressed them out and done too much school work early they would have never read as much as they did.

..and yet the irony of your statement was completely lost. So I'll replay your words "most state schools near YOU are great"'..happy for you, but what about the rest of us???

There appears to be a correlation between DCs falling grammar schools and criticism of the schools...hmmm

Just go talk to some secondary school teachers...and you'll find that much prefer teaching in an unruly classroom, full of students eager to learn. So yes, the teaching standard is better. Additionally, being surrounded by aspirational students has an additional benefit.

School quality is independent of type.
You get good and bad grammars, good and bad comps, good and bad non grammars.

Most of the country shows you don't need selection at 11 to produce educated kids at 16. Unnecessary stress and travel for kids.

@Ouchh1 Hope your DS is OK.

Aspirational students I’ve heard it all on mumsnet now what’s aspirational about grammar schools middle classes thinking they’ve gained their children advantage

I was an 11+ tutor and always informed the parents if I thought it was inappropriate for a particular child. The only 3 that failed, the parents insisted on trying even though I told them that they were far from achieving the expected standard.

I also specialised in dyslexia and all of the rest of my tutees not only passed but achieved one or two scholarships.

Timed assessments are crucial to see where a child needs further help and also prepares them for the reality of the exams.

Your tutor should have been honest with you.